Behind my smile is something  broken.
Broken from growing up in a place,
where my parents and I would have daily death threats.
They worked live-in at a group-home,
I had no choice but to live there among them.
From the age of 7 to current 16,
I've heard every word in the book,
had a child attempt to burn down our house,
in the middle of the night, killing us all...
I've seen my parents brake down in tears,
I've witnessed my family fall apart...
By the age of nine, I imagined myself dead...
I attempted to suffocate myself in grade 4.
I remember crying into my pillow,
but I couldn't bring myself to doing the act.
I still get urges, urges to drag the blade across the wrist,
the urge to tie the slipknot...
I wish I could end it all, the pain and confusion,
but that would help no one.
****....

Every night his head rests on me
Each day  weight of thoughts and burdens grow
Can no one honestly see?
His desire for happiness and life will no longer flow
Alone, trapped in a nightmare
Waiting for the fall and wake
He's created his own lair
And wont let anyone in for their own sake
All I can do here is sit and watch
Oh look, what a surprise, another knotch
His sorrow flattening me
I think its time for people to see...

Imprinted in my brain,
A stray thought still remains.

I can't help it,
It is a part of me.
And while it is true I have promised,
And I will follow through,
It is still there.

But it is fading.
Slowly.

I have voices telling me
That they care.

Real ones. Ones that are
Not in my head, but rather echoing in my ear.

Thank you.

When I feel the air hit my skin
And the coolness sets across the horizon
I know I am home.
I can feel myself,
becoming myself,
as I am infinite;
in those shady spaces
a mile above the sea.
Where the wind whispers naughty secrets,
and the rain kisses me gingerly,
like one-thousand lost lovers
telling me it's okay.

Every moment
Tattoos a web
Of ink
In the deepest
Seas of my mind
Floating like oil
And only in sleep
Can I dive
And swim
Edit
And undo
Until
Waking up
I'm once again
Just on the shore
Looking out,
The Great Pacific
Garbage Patch
On my eyes,
Helpless
To do anything
But keep walking,
Crossing countless grains
Of sand
Serving to keep my body
On the Earth
And imagining itself
Out in the sea
Sinking-
Pulled
By the weight of the ink
The past
The trash

how do i know
if this touch is even true?
we're all locked inside
an imaginary zoo
i try to break free
try to shatter these chains
but they send me far a way
claimed clinically insane
but you have to sleep to wake
i tell them of this fact
but all they do is stitch my wrists
and send me right on back

He threw invitations
Through the halls.

They rained down
In an endless stream
And it seemed like everyone
Ended up with two.

There are over a thousand
People at are school.
But nobody wanted to go.

Not one person came out and said,
"Brian,
Everyone
Knows
You're
A
Pothead."

They all were "too busy"
Or their parents would
"Never let them go."

But everyone knew.

And so everyone went.