I was naïve,
I used to think love was a disease
but then I found you
and you became my cure.
The illness that became me
started to fade like the sun
we liked to watch set up on that hill
that looked out to the unknown.
The disease began to disappear
with each day we spent together
    every touch
         every kiss
   every embrace.
The remission didn't last for long;
I was naïve,
I never thought the cure could be worse than the disease.

This can't work
if you don't treat me
as good as you treat her.
We can't be together
if you don't talk to me
when you're with her
even though your phone never leaves your hand
when you're with me.
You can't expect me to be okay
with you spending all that time with her
and not telling me where you are.
This can't work
if you're not completely for it.
We can't be together
if you're not over her.
You can't expect me to be okay
or just tell me that's not how it's gonna be,
when you love her
and you love me.

How was I supposed to know
you were preoccupied
in another girl with burnt brown hair
and puppy dog eyes.
You acted ambiguous
never really answering with a conclusion
always leaving your mumbled words up for my interpretation.
How was I supposed to know
you went to see her
when you were supposed to be at home:
Alone.
You never stopped the morning texts
which never ceased to make me smile.
How was I supposed to know
you were sending her the same words
making her smile the same way.
The sleepy time kisses continued,
the cuddling increased,
but it was just pretending
that I was her.
It was all just for show
how was I supposed to know?

The heat seeps over me like a fire
coming up from the floor boards of the house we built together,
burning more than the cherry colored wood
we worked together to install.
The anger in your blue eyes flickering
like the center of the flames
that now broke through the surface
        like you broke me.
It wasn't always like this;
the floor being hotter than the passion.
The only heat I used to feel was your breath
on my forehead every morning
when you kissed me goodbye
          before leaving for work.
Or the hot cocoa that burned my tongue
when I didn't wait to drink it
         like you told me to.
The steam from the hot showers moved from the bathroom
to the cracks between the the trim and the floor
you've been meaning to fix for weeks.
I stopped.
         Everything stopped.
You said what I'd been waiting to hear.
The flames in your eyes were burning brighter than ever.
I went numb as the fire burnt the soles of my feet.
The heat seeped up my body
but I was as frozen as the day you tried to teach me how to ski.
The heat became too much and
I collapsed onto the floor as I was enveloped by the flames
that broke through those cherry colored floor boards
         just like you broke me.

You said you'll remember her but forget her face
because the blue of her eyes reminds you
of the girl who did everything for you
        but fight.
You said you wanted to forget
how her hair looked when she woke up next to you
as the sun creeped through the cracks in the make-shift blinds
you crafted together the night before.
You wanted your sanity so you strived to forget
the reoccurring image of her
dancing around the kitchen
         wearing only your plaid shirt.
You said you wanted to remember her name but forget her face
because the freckles speckled across her cheeks
created a path to the pattern of the little colored dots
       that decorated her body.
You didn't want to remember the soft sound of her voice
or the heat of her breath
as she whispered the secrets of her past into your ears.
You didn't want to forget that she existed
you just didn't want to remember the sight of her
trying to cry out the hurt that took over
       the night you said goodbye.


Two years and seven months later,
you held the door open for that blue eyed, freckled-faced girl.
A genuine smile formed across your mouth as I walked through the door frame.
A sincere thank you followed by your name escaped
my rosy pink lips that used to kiss you goodnight.
The smile disappeared from your face when you heard
the soft voice that once whispered secrets of the past into your ears
as the night turned to day.
You always said you wanted to remember me but forget my face.
Looks like you never did.

The taste of gin
lingers in my mouth as I take yet another sip of you.
The world around me is spinning
I can't walk a straight line, yet
I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your hands trace the contour of my body
drawing small circles on the bare skin of my back
I fell back into you and everything that ever was.
I let go.
I grabbed you.
My hands around your neck
we danced as you moved my hips round in circles as the minutes turned to hours.
Your hot breath on my neck mixed with
the possibility of sin dripping down my back
like blood from the scar
that never healed.
The song changed but our movements never stopped.
The familiarity of your rough hands wondered
from my tangled hair
to the soft lace barely covering anything it should.
    The gin turned to whiskey.
         The world spun faster.
    The dancing never ceased.
Midnight turned to 2 AM
which disappeared faster than it came.
4:30
your hands still making their way
your breath turning hotter than the shot I just took.
The sun came up and I was burned
by something other than your kiss;
regret.


The temperature turned cold but I continued to stand there
water dripping over my bare skin
like your hands were doing a few hours before.
I was being drown by the feeling of my past mistakes.
I guess they were right.
I've turned into the girl that spent hours in the shower trying to wash everything away,
      yet still came out *****.
You took away my innocence.

Let's cover the walls

plaster them with words we'll never say.

Wash the sheets we'll never sleep in,
and look at the pictures that were never taken.
Let's be blind to what could of been.