When you told me you loved me
I imagined a gentle love
I imagined a happy love, a normal love
Where you would hold my hand and tell me everything would be okay
I saw nights wrapped up underneath you
And kisses placed softly on my forehead
My tongue in your mouth
The hallelujah of our bodies spilling over each other
Mornings would be my favorite
Even if I wasn’t a morning person
I would be one if it meant having our bodies entangled
I imagined love that didn’t die
I saw you old and grey and toothless
But it didn’t scare me
In fact, I wished I could’ve jumped to being old with you
I wanted to grow old with you
To see our frail bodies still spilling over each other
When you told me you loved me I saw stars
The sun was ten times brighter and it was midnight
I could hear the ghosts of my ex-lovers telling me they loved me
And I prayed to a God that I didn’t believe in
That you wouldn’t be a ghoul of my past
But God never answers my calls
God likes to let me talk to His voicemail
When you told me you loved me
I stopped breathing
My mind telling my mouth to stay silent
But my mouth breathed out that I loved you
With a crack in my voice
And a tear at the brim of my eye
Threatening to spill over
Daring my mouth to open again
When you told me you loved me
I didn’t know you would mould it into a noose
And place it around my neck