I hold you
in my mind
close to
the afterlife

teach me
how to unwind
teach me
how to rewind

you are
so divine
I am
human, blind

to the
spiritual ecstasy
so perfect next to me
vision, vision,
vision in my mind
teach me, teach me,
teach me how to die

How to die
teach me
teach me
how to die

Can you make my eyes roll to the back of my head?

when my eyes are aching and tooth is throbbing in my jaw? and I'm clenching my teeth at night and stressed out by being in love with someone who wouldn't care if

Additional thoughts:

I got eaten by a saber tooth tiger?

use my power,
use my will
to burn you against
my own grill

my own heaven,
my own hell
where you bleed out
in my jail

i'm so ******
i'm so cursed
because i like it
when you hurt

make you suffer
feel the release
the revenge
of the beast

the beast within me
bites and gnaws
gives you shivers
makes your skin crawl

widen my eyes
and open my jaw
take a chomp
grab the saw

i wont lie, i want to create a hell
and drown you in my wishing well
i wanna you hang you by a hook
let you take one last look

the reflection of your face
regret as you fall from grace.

in the prison of my mind where you stay
resentful and hateful..

It would feel so amazing
For me to die
and watch the guilt drown you

I'd do anything
I'd **** myself
Just to watch you bleed

"I take in all the beauty of the world. But the inside of my mind is a dark realm."

I am selfish. My professor told me "the universe doesn't care about us." To an extent, it's true. God doesn't give a **** about my pain and suffering. I'm supposed to follow my "purpose" and "god's will." I have no control of such things in my life. Narcisscisticly, I blame God and the invisible beings that surround me for everything. Arent they the ones who ruin my mind? Who stand by acting helpless while I get abused, and "learn my lesson?"

How is childhood trauma a "lesson?" What kind of cruel God would punish a child? And yet, I'm supposed to stand here, grateful for the strength I needed to survive in this ****** up patriarchy?

What good is strength, if there is nothing in my life except pain and emptiness, loneliness, and misery? What good is strength, if I, in my own world, am alone, if the fate of my life depends on me, yes, that is what strength is needed for.

But why should I be happy that I'm strong? Why should that bring me happiness, Shafari? Or maybe it shouldn't.

You don't want me to be happy, you selfish *****.