There’s an young man sleeping rough close to my home,
He cups his hands up to me, begging just for 20p,
So he can call a girl that he used to know,
But it means nothing to me,
He’s cold and starving, I told him to let her go,
He said no, and I said no.

I always see him singing, of his love and how he won’t give up her,
Even if she’s left him out at sea,
He’s lost his lover, but it means nothing to me.

There’s a young man walking on his way to work alone,
Hands in his pockets, playing with a 20p,
That he needs for nothing, don’t you see,
That that means something to me,
I say I need my baby, I want to tell her I need to come back home,
But he said no.

I can’t stop singing; I’m fed and kept warm by this love of hers,
Even if she’s left me shipwrecked and out at sea,
I’ve not lost my love, not really, and that means something to me.

I walk to work, same way I always do,
I go past where you should be laying, but there’s just an empty cup,
A tattered sign where you should be, saying, ‘I’ve not given up’,
And that means something to me,
I’m so **** sorry, I don’t know if you ever got back home,
I hope so.

A few years later there’s a man waiting on the cliffs of Dover,
Just looking out to sea,
He says he’s lost his lover, and he needs to search where she left me,
But it means nothing to me.
He’s old and shaking, I told him to go back home,
He said no.

He starts crying into a worn out handkerchief,
He walks over to me, begging just for 20p,
And that means something to me.

The young man I once knew, looking for his lover,
Had grown grey all alone, always waiting for that 20p,
For the telescope to find the girl he used to know,
Never gave up hope, but did not know where to go,
And that meant everything to me,
I’m so **** sorry, for not helping you back to land,
I put one hundred 20p’s into his hand.

One hundred 20p’s into the machine later, and finds nothing,
I walk on over to him, give him my last 20p,
And he looks one last time out to sea.
The old man thanks me, for helping after all,
We walk away together, and suddenly there’s a call,
It’s the girl he used to know,
Shouting his name from a boat fighting the tides relentless pull,
She screams I’m so **** sorry, she’s searched the seven seas,
It means everything to me,
To see him get back home.
And I go.
But I’ve not got 20p to get back home.
But that means nothing to me.

I’m not ready for the curtain call,
I’m not ready for the curtain to fall

You’re ready to go,
I’m not ready to let you,
So, I’m holding on to something I don’t know,
Might be wrong but I don’t know what else to do

I wish I could have been your antibodies,
I wish I could have been the author of your story,
I wish I could have been there to say I’m sorry,
I wish I could have been your antibodies

You’re ready to go it alone,
I’m not ready to let you,
Stone, I wish we were made of stone and bone,
My living dead interlude that never moves

I wish I could have been your antibodies,
I wish I could have been the author of your story,
I wish I could have been there to say I’m sorry,
I wish I could have been your antibodies

You danced naked,
In a front of a crowd of empty faces,
Wild and wasted,
But you danced,
And they faded,
You are who you want,
You are who you want us to want you to be,
But now you’re leaving me,
And I’m not ready,
I’m not ready for the curtain call,
I’m not ready for the curtain to fall

I wish I could have been your antibodies,
I wish I could have been the author of your story,
I wish I could have been there to say I’m sorry,
I wish I could have been your antibodies
I wish I could have been your antibodies, but I can’t and I’m so sorry

Please don’t let me go to sleep,
Your laughter masks my screams,
I mean what I say,
But I won’t say what it all means,
Outside the words collide,
With what I try to hide inside,
Now I don’t even look how I try to seem,
And I don’t even know why I tried

Please don’t let me go to sleep,
The grass is not that green,
I might be dying right now,
But I am living in my dreams,
You’ll just make me wake,
And then take it all away,
Now all the things I could have been,
Die in the light of the darkest dawning day

I can be just who I want,
Please don’t tell me who to be,
I can be just what I want,
Please don’t tell me what to be,
I can be just anything,
And nothing is all I will be,
Anything and nothing is just alright with me

Please don’t let me go to sleep,
You’ll just make me wake and then take it all away,
And all my anything’s and nothing’s must wait for another day

Disparate and disturbed,
Spectre ******* remains perturbed,
Suiting shadows for whom it serves,
Mannerisms and gestures well-rehearsed,
Reading off of scripted words,
Scratch at it to only make it worse

Drinking dreams so undeserved,
Thirst for you became submerged,
Breathing deeply breathes you cursed,
Now you are all my worldly worth,
I do no justice and I’m not the first,
Your King of nothing continually usurped

Wildly weeping on howling stairs,
Beasts snipe and snap with scowling stares,
Paws and claws clasp until you’re theirs,
Spurned by burning glares,
Wounded walk back into nowhere,
Stuck nowhere and I will meet you there

Falling fast past faces purged,
Passions passing with every urge,
Diverge from deviance coerced,
Facing forward in reverse,
Extrovert implodes many deaths traversed,
***** voices miming truths well-versed

Just a regular spanner in the works,
Those that have never really ever worked,
Who I was, if only who I still were,
Scrawling all these rambling words,
A many a sorry but just one please in manner,
How I loved her and then lost her does not matter,
Nor the madness that steadily got madder,
Not the sadness that plunged to depths only getting sadder,
Whereon one constructed such a depressing manor,
Thereon lived with my now imaginary lover,,
Hereon to break apart and slowly gather,
Myself together to make my white flag banner,
My long lost apology to Anna

I said I am fine,
I’m just trying to define,
Who I am

I have bite marks on my skin and,
I don’t know why I don’t feel like you,
Try as I might to fit into your style,
Broken hearts still make me smile,
No matter how hard my eyes try,
They just can’t seem to fake all of my lies

Yes, I promise I am fine,
I’ll say it one more time,
I am fine

I’m seeing clearly for the first time and,
I don’t like the world around me,
Or me around this world it’s,
Broken and it can’t be fixed,
No matter how I try,
I just can’t clear the sky

And now I don’t know what you’ve seen,
And I don’t know what you’ve heard,
But I see where you have been,
Though my vision was always blurred,
And I’ve heard every word,
Though most of it slurred,
But I want to know what you mean,
When you referred to me,
As a baby bird

I said I am fine,
I’m just trying to define,
Who I am,
Yes, I promise I am fine,
I’ll say it one more time,
I am fine

But before you go now,
Mother, please stop the crying,
Father, please I’m dying here,
I’m trying not to disappear,
But let me just make things clear,
I am fine

The ground is cold and hard,
And the times are much the same,
We’ve come from afar,
Now I’m tired of this game

I’ve lost so much on the way,
To carry on seems unfair,
Why should I go back to stay,
When you’re no longer there?

But, when the times are getting dire,
And the light begins to fade,
My legs begin to tire,
And my debts have all be paid,
It’s getting hard to see,
And you’re getting hard to find,
Come lay down beside me,
Come fix my broken mind
Beside the dying fire

The light licks at my eyes,
The embers rise up high,
Is that you in disguise?
Or do the shadows whisper lies?

I know how far I’ve gone,
I know how far I want to go,
I know now that I’m done,
But I wanted you to know

That when the times are getting dire,
And the light begins to fade,
My legs begin to tire,
My debts have all be paid,
It’s getting hard to see,
And you’re getting hard to find,
Come lay beside me,
Come fix my broken mind.
Beside the dying fire

Embrace the heat at last,
Forget all that has been,
To wish away the past,
And erase all that I’ve seen.

I’m ready to watch the dance,
To feel free from all the blame,
I’m ready to see you glance,
See you stare back from the flame
Beside the dying fire

Now that the times have gotten dire,
And the light begins to fade,
You’re getting hard to see
And I’m getting hard to find

My legs begin to tire,
My debts have all be paid
Come lay beside me,
Come fix my broken mind.
Beside my dying fire.

Tired kid lets the old paranoia sink in,
I hear your worried words so loud,
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
I want it all to stop now but I don’t know how,
New phantom thoughts just don’t know what they’re thinking,
But you still try and you say that you’re proud,
You can say it today but,
From now on that word’s not allowed,
Looking at nothing all night,
Nothing in nowhere and there’s no getting out,
I’m alright, I’m alright,
I’m alright without knowing what it’s all about,
Open up the cupboard doors again,
Got to swallow all my friends then,
Maybe I pretend I haven’t got any,
Left twenty-two years too many,
No I don’t want any birthday cake,
The man on the moon made a mistake,
He can’t take all the steps now he just wants to leap,
Into empty space and I’m trying to sleep,
Boy on the moon with the world at his feet,
With a whole lot of nothing still in-between,
Close your eyes and hold your breath,
Push off the end into quietude in death,
You gave it your best,
I have nothing left,
Stuck in-between, you don’t know what that means,
You’re not where I’ve been,
You’ve not seen what I’ve seen,
I’m not complaining,
No I’m not complaining,
Because it don’t change a **** thing,
About anything

The heaven’s open and they’re crashing down on me,
Raining words that I’d once spoken long ago,
Heaven’s broken and there’s nowhere left for me, to go,
Reigning kings will light the way and fall forever into shadow,
The darkest side of man that no one really knows

Light keeps the darkness alive,
Opposites and similarities collide,
The genius and the madman coincide,
Brothers standing side by side,
Brothers falling side by side

Watch without any hands and you tell me it’s my time,
Tying the bounds around the shackles in my mind,
Watch the light fall and the dark begin to rise,
Tying last and first in the race of our demise

Light keeps the darkness alive,
Opposites and similarities collide,
The genius and the madman coincide,
Brothers standing side by side,
Brothers falling side by side

Water drips in from the ceiling,
Diazepam kicks in to stop the feelings,
And no one even knows your name,
A pretty picture with a broken frame,
Room B just looks so empty,
Room C is a friend and A is the enemy,
Now you got to believe it or not,
This is your bed and it’s made so get in and be forgot

A cough becomes as natural as breathing,
Believing in something better is only deceiving,
I hear the screams echo in the Old Mill,
The shakes shaking up when I’m trying to be still,
You lock the door and tidy all your things,
Rest on the crutch that’s holding up everything,
Now I think you’ve already gone and said too much,
You make a castle out of sand and it’s gone with the smallest touch

Now you have a good time,
Be on your best behaviour,
These memories of mine,
Such a bitter flavour,
Voices in my head,
Whisper implications,
A hunger that’s not being fed,
Gives into temptations,
I can’t see the light,
This room’s got no windows,
Waste away at night,
Hanging out with my shadow

Now I’m the kid everyone hates,
Gets the girls, the grades and always turns up late,
I don’t talk to my shadow anymore,
It talks to me when I’m passed out on the hallway floor,
The same problem a different fix,
Different magician using the same old tricks,
The same problem a different fix,
Different magician ******* up the same old tricks

Ease my mind, my mother,
How can I be nothing of something?
And yet something of another,
I have been the shadow cast aghast against the deathly dew of subtle spring,
The band, the bind, on the finger of my lifeless lover,
Living in death as everything does in nothing,
This ship, in voyage on the endless seas of the perpetually found and the always undiscovered,
Oh, if things were only simple, simple thing

I go to sleep, with the whisper of my dying lover,
Hoping to be born again into a life that I would rather,
Rather, than waking where she is alive but I am gone,
I do not want to be just another other,
To keep searching for your ghost’s gasp of life recovered,
Waning moon please replace this unwelcome dawn, where she does not belong,
Help me begin to believe again my brothers,
Must I be everything unuttered?
Must I be everything’s nothingness left to suffer?
Muttering madness that is incessantly reset and uncovered

I admitted everything in that whisper you won’t let me forget,
It echoes in my head, this ferocious thunder consumed in my regret,
But you never heard a single sound,
Nor the pound of things left unsaid that this lightning writes upon the ground,
You believe what you would rather, rather see but in resent,
Repenting religious slurs into a mirror that only blurs and can’t reflect,
Reflect on what you’d rather, rather than accept what you refuse has long been found,
That there is no going up and there is no going down,
That life and death are ties to be cut and left to be unwound,
And seemingly, neither has no end, but both come back around,
That this road we walk which does not seem to bend,
Is but the beginning and the cease, our adversary and our friend,
To the broken and the certain of which neither we can mend,
Though fight it all or fall, it all depends on you,
Upon you being everything and nothing,
Upon you giving up or choosing to pursue,
To be given definition in this persistent something,
Or consumed by unknowable things you do or do not do,
Do or don’t in this everything,
It all depends on you

I don’t know what you think you’ll find,
Open your eyes but close your mind,
What a waste to taste how it feels,
But not eat anything real,
Everything is so rotten and so stale,
Living in a world of lullabies and fairy tales

Darkness erupts from inside,
The light helps it to hide,
Teardrops can’t be cut by knives,
Just an affirmation of being alive,
You’re so cold and so pale,
Living in a world of nightmares and fairy tales

Always something to think about,
Sinking deeper and no way out,
A requisite that just feels so wrong,
A puppet show and I don’t belong,
I blow the wind and you set sail,
Living a world of fantasy and fairy tales

I see the beauty, I feel the pain,
The cold of the sun, the heat of the rain,
The pound of my words and my words in the thunder,
Is what I have all in my head?
I wander, I wonder, ponder all asunder,
What I’ve said, paths misled,
A dream that I can break and fail and try again,
Or a world of fairy tales and make pretend

Sell me the secret to be stuck like you,
Tell me to forget and stick like glue,
You don’t see but you’re content,
I opened my eyes and I resent,
Knocking holes in roadblocks and opening Pandora’s Box,
Reset the clocks and the safety rails,
Bring back the world that’s a fairy tale

A puppet show and I don’t belong,
I blow the wind and you set the sail,
Living in a world of fantasy and fairy tales

Mrs Lies is the best,
That lie just keeps getting better,
She only wants to make a mess,
She’ll never leave if you don’t let her,
It’s just easy to say yes,
Drink that whiskey to stay sober,
Takes her problems off her chest,
And rests them down upon your shoulders

You think you finally reached the end,
My finger’s just touched the trigger,
Making your problems fake pretend,
Just makes them so much bigger,
Just give it time to mend,
Sell what’s left to the highest bidder,
Say you’ll always be her friend,
Even though you've never really met her

How’d I rip apart your precious heart?
When you never had one at the start

I say I’ll see you later on,
But I’ve never really ever seen you,
Don’t care if something’s wrong,
There’s nothing I can do,
A lifetime feels too long,
I don’t think I’ll make it through,
I’ll sing you that old song,
Repeating that lie doesn't make it any less true

I’m not going to lie,
I don’t want to try,
I don’t need to say why,
This is my first and my last goodbye

I did everything I could,
Not that it ever did much good,
You’re looking for the end when you haven’t reached the start,
You still wouldn’t have understood

Why have you got to struggle all the time,
With things that aren't yours to fight they are mine,
It did not do much use now I've had another change of heart,
Well you’ll just have to get in line

Don’t push too hard,
Your pane might crack and break a shard,
Of glass pain that will slowly begin to cut us apart,
I’m sorry that I’m covered in all these scars

Easily led,
Pulling the threads,
Creating a nothing from that things that you’ve said,
Pretty dress,
I can’t confess,
My miserable mistresses making more mess,
Rattle empty heads,
The living look dead,
I take your vacant expression and I do thee wed,
One day you’ll see me in a magazine,
Still unclean if you know what I mean,
It’s all a lie so why question why?
The real truth would make you want to die,
Don’t know why I still want to try,
Don’t care at all and this is goodbye,
Hang up the phone,
Now I’m all alone,
****** black blue,
You’re just confused,
My head is cracked with our wires are fused,
I want to live a lie in a life without you,
But don’t know how, now what I should I do,
One day you’ll see me in the unseen,
Pumped with gasoline that they call the vaccine,
It’s all a lie so why question why?
Proof you want to die,
Truth is the lie,
Get out the car,
Home’s not too far,
So nearly there but somehow I’m in a bar,
Convulsing religiously with this holy disease,
Being besieged behind lock and keys,
One day you’ll see me in a diazepam dream,
Quitting the scene with quitiapine,
It’s all a lie so why question why?
The truth is real and I want to die,
Don’t know why I but I think I can try,
Don’t care at all and this is goodbye

What does it mean to be alone?
Truly on your own,
Most of the time,
We are,
You may think me a liar but I’ve got the scars,
To prove it, my storyline

Now I might be right next to you,
But you wouldn’t know, but you do,
We’re adding things up along the way,
We are,
Lucky, lucky to have got this far,
Just give me one more day

Love, I’m happy all alone,
Why won’t you believe me?
Please just don’t you leave me all alone,
I know you’ll deceive me,
So I’m happy alone,
I’m happy alone

It is what it is and we are what we are,
Bladder bursting with **** and lungs choking on tar,
Choking on air that just isn’t there,
It’s just not fair no it’s just not fair,
Getting nowhere with thinking of you,
Least in nowhere there might be something to do,
Or someone to find me lost in thinking of you,
Thinking of you and who knows who

Stupid voices, stupid choices,
Sorry I left you disappointed,
Sorry my life in the void couldn’t be avoided,
Love, I’m happy all alone,
Why won’t you believe me?
I’m happy alone

Fixate on this life I hate,
Things might change for me if only I wait,
I think I hesitated for far too long,
I don’t know where I am anymore but it all feels wrong,
I’m here in nowhere thinking of you,
Thinking of everything that we’ve not been through

But why do I feel so alone?
Truly on my own,
Because most of the time I am,
I’m Adam without Eve in the Garden of Eden,
I know what it is to be alone,
But I’m all alone so you wouldn’t know,
You wouldn’t know and so you don’t go,
Go to my little place where nobody goes

Stupid voices, stupid choices,
Sorry I left you disappointed,
Sorry my life in the void couldn’t be avoided,
Love, I’m happy all alone,
Here I am just thinking of being with you,
But being alone,
And I’m not happy

He doesn’t play guitar,
He’s been told he cannot sing,
He doesn’t study art,
He wouldn’t know where to begin,
He doesn’t like reading much,
He don’t think the good guy should always win,
He doesn’t like playing judge,
He thinks no one’s guiltier than him,
He doesn’t believe in God,
He can’t think he’d be forgiven,
He doesn’t know what religion’s for,
He can’t even bare to read the hymns,
He doesn’t like how he talks,
He knows that they will not listen,
He doesn’t always speak his thoughts,
He tries not to have an opinion,
He doesn’t remember where he was,
He doesn’t remember where he has ever been,
He doesn’t miss you just because,
He doesn’t know that you are missing

I am not good, I am not great,
I do as I should but as a fake,
Getting by on my anxiety,
Guided by sure finalities,
I am good, God is great,
Both do as we should but so full of hate,
Meanings here and meanings where,
Meanings rare and I’m stuck there,
You’re in one, I’m in two,
Masks are fun to hide the truth,
Focused on self-defined tragedy,
Self-obsessed professed insanity,
No relief or relax from the dark,
Bruised by bottle caps and teeth marks,
Bats and owls curse spiritual slurs,
The Sleep of Reason greets Goya’s monsters,
Stuck in a poets phonetic wasteland,
Letters scattered like grains of sand,
Hunched over tables convulsing religiously,
Punching out feelings for depressions vanity,
Mutters of memory’s shadows,
Patterns of clarity in charlatans clothes,
Search for a meaning of proof,
If any as denial and distraction wage a truce,
The Artist’s Reward was always a lie,
To defy life first you must die,
Continue this imprisonment in institutional prostitution,
Reverting, perverting once innate constitution,
Create an ornate human and visceral solution,
Refusing the fusion spit out prose pollution,
Confusion in this constant cyclical conclusion

Fast-forward and pause,
Lost it in an instance,
Lose my feet in this dance,
I fall and crumble and I cannot stand,
And I do not understand

A written discourse,
Paths insanities stance,
That which never makes sense,
It all falls and crumbles in my hands,
And I do not understand

Not-guilty remorse,
It’s a crime of romance,
Fight between fate and pure chance,
I fall and crumble as a man,
And I do not understand

Unknown seismic force,
Knowing of our ignorance,
Increasingly equidistant,
I fall and crumble in this no-man’s-land,
And I do not understand

Forgotten the source,
Such a meaningful advance,
Into meaningless existence,
I fall and crumble with my plan,
And I do not understand,
No I do not understand

What’s your constitution mean in everything that you do?
I don’t know what it’s for or even if it’s true,
All you want is some restitution from institutions, but for whom?
Our thoughts become diluted when our language is all computed,
The echoes of an alien keyboard pounding don’t sound like music,
To me it is convoluted, your focus on who did or did not do it,
Now I’m not eating,
And I’m not sleeping,
And I’m not even thinking this all through,
All my everything’s are forever gravitating to and around you,
Breaking what’s already broken,
Fixing frozen feelings with a glue gun,
It won’t stick forever but open on up and see what you've become,
She needs you when she needs but when you need her she’s always gone,
It’s better being on your own,
It is better being,
It is better,
It is,
It is wrong

Complicatedly indebted with everything,
Unstably labelled with a thing so unjust,
Freak,
Defining nothing with some meaningful nothing,
Feeling someone there but everything is so,
Weak,
Deserving better than that unnerving something,
Flirting closer with that endlessly relentless nothing,
Speak

Riddles surround enigmas and make a hollow whole,
Middle grounds and eventual stigmas poking holes,
Lie,
Circles are running around corners to hide,
Creating paradoxes and imaginary divides,
Why?
Nothing dictates something from nothing,
Something creates everything from one thing,
Try

I’m losing out, leaving doubt without sound,
Breaking from a sorry existence and gaining some distance,
Free,
I’m forging new ideas out of old fears,
Borrowing destructive license to forget my conscience sitting on the fence,
See,
I’m interfering with fate steering into new states,
I’m sorry I’m late, I’m worried I’m, wait,
Me

Memory of fantasy and lunacy,
It’s all too real to me,
Motions of fear and love,
Are all I ever see,
Reactions of violence, contraction to silence,
I've got to let it go for it to let me be,
To let me be,
Let me be me

You all left me,
In confusing silence,
Looked bored of it, feigning interests

Right or wrong,
Don’t make a difference,
I don’t understand it, and nothing makes sense,
I’m done

Now little brother,
Is falling again,
Didn’t teach him how to walk,
And now I’m running,
In the opposite direction, that you wanted

Years too late,
And advice that’s wasted,
I don’t need it now, I refuse to face it

Had your time,
And you just might’ve blown it,
I’m running for the end, if it’s a race,
I’ve already won

Now little brother,
Is falling again,
Didn’t teach him how to walk,
And now I’m running,
In the opposite direction, that you wanted
I’m always running
Always running

Now what is it that you wanted to say?
You came all this way and, what, nothing at all?
Oh come on I really need a word or two,
A yes or no will surely do,
Nothing, nothing give me something please,
Now what is wrong with you?
I don’t want to fix you too,
Bricks build up a broken wall,
Smoke and tricks, push it and it’ll fall,
The old man’s throwing all his money,
At all the stupid issues,
No one sees he’s not all that funny,
No one frees his lovers,
No one’s looking at you brother
Take a look at your brother

Drinking, thinking and now,
What’s that stinking coming out his mouth?
I’ll say what you want to hear,
Here with me, now what is it dear?
And how much do I have to pay?
Something, something give me nothing you tease,
Take it now, make it all alright again,
My friend show me how to turn the light,
Back on inside my mind so I can see the way,
Around and find the memories of how I tried,
And failed time and time again,
Is this is the end?
No one hears the tears he sends down the line,
No one thinks he’s fine; he’s just like the others,
No one’s looking at you brother,
Everyone take a look at your brother,
Bet you’d wished you’d have bothered

You say that you bleed like the rest of us,
But I don’t need to hear you spill your guts,
To the voice on my answer machine,
I don’t know where to begin,
It’s the only thing you trust,
And I’ll delete every word but I still heard everything

Tell me everything,
Tell me everything that I despise,
Escalating problems you’re making,
Solving nothing just continually creating,
Destroying, defaming, disturbed and derailing,
Rain from sunny skies,
Lies upon lies,
The pain so quiet behind my dying, lying eyes

Forget everything,
Forget everything that I don’t want to hear,
I’m not listening,
I’m not anything to you my dear,
Stop ringing my phone,
I won’t answer, leave a message at the tone,
I’ll just delete it later,
I don’t want to hate her,
I just want to be alone

Tell me nothing,
Tell me nothing that I don’t want to know,
I have the answer you've forgotten,
Blurs, the slurs, the liquor, the strangers, all of it done for her,
Can’t rearrange or go back to how we were,
Always fallen leaves in this haunting autumn,
She says, “I have the answer to all your problems”,
I say “You don’t realize that you are all of them.”

As I stood there,
Full of thoughts so thoughtlessly thinking,
Drinking deep with an inclination that I do not think was ever there before,
Though never there but seeming very real in my despair,
Unwittingly I stood there,
Sinking still forevermore

Wherever from I do not know,
Forlorn for far too long, long ago,
Labouring lonely on my own,
Finally finding some sort of sedate sedition,
At last some affinity with forever’s finite infinity

And, I do recognise the conflictions and oxymoronic oppositions,
But as such it is a necessary dereliction of definitive definitions,
And yet it all still makes so much sense to me,
Profanity in profound insanity,
What gravity

What gravity the vulgarity of these verbalising vultures voicing victorious vitality,
Before banality and such boring finalities,
Then suddenly one’s head grew heavy, hence and thus, dropped into dust,
Deep into the darkness ****** to which only few have ever been privy,
There lay the bust of Miss McHale

Though long pale and so frail in death’s derail of life’s long trail,
Beauty somehow still prevailed in such a sorry sickening tale,
In time long lost to those foreign and some still long mine,
Destined besotted are entwined,
In life and death we tumble and take turns to stumble into things we cannot perfectly define

Love, love was inclined to go through,
Adversities, I had to climb to try and find the only word for you,
A word that can only be mine and said once and really meant for you, that one time
To us that word will confine, but I cannot find,
Nor conform or confide in any known way to accurately represent my mind

Though sometimes that can be just fine,
That word can escape me, but you will still be mine,
And along with finite infinities,
There is the very possibility that we are something that just cannot be defined,
Although I do not understand it, you will still be mine

And yet you crave to climb that rail,
Atop a limousine after your tumble through an Empire’s gale,
States of life try to live on in death but always fail,
As blood runs still and last breathe exhales,
Though immortalised now evermore prevailed,
In beauty and brutality ultimately availed,
The immortal end of the ever humble Miss McHale

Oh dear,
We got another Mr Never-Here
Not another Mr Non-Existent-Never=Here

OK son,
Quit your tears,
It’s not living,
To live in fear,
And now did you hear what I just said to you?
Someday comes,
And you just disappear,
And no one’s missing,
Mr Never-Here,
If I wasn’t clear, you’re dead to me and there’s nothing more to do,
And nothing more to say,
Just run,
Just run away

OK son,
I’m so near,
But just so distant,
Insist it isn’t tears,
And now I’m not all ears and red is all I see,
Say you’re done,
Abandoned all these years,
In this instant,
Mr Non-Existent,
Think you’ve made yourself clear, I’m dead to you, just like my father was to me,
And I’ve nothing more to say,
I guess I’ll just run,
Just run away

Father,
Would you rather that I was never born?
And all your deeds undone?
Then all the pain could stop,
But,
I’m just cut from the ***** cloth that I was torn,
Like father, sadly like the son
And so on spreads the rot
Oh dear,
We got another Mr Never Here
Another Mr Non-Existent-Never-Here,
Not another Mr Non-Existent-Never-Here

Our minds are rotten,
Our kind’s forgotten,
By the thought that came before,
Now they think us wild,
Mishaps to be reviled,
Perhaps a lost child,
Can finally find what we’ve all been looking for?

Misworded directions,
Disturbing reflections,
That came to show so much more,
Mirror our woes and our fears,
Into which we've poured and peered,
At every flaw and every tear,
Purging rejection,
Herding selection
Emerge perfection,
Have we finally found what we’ve all been looking for?

Becoming machines,
Live numb in our dreams,
Die in the depths at the shore,
Who I am inside,
Ignorance that tried,
Arrogance denied,
Us everything that we’ve all been looking for

Now no going back,
More and yet we lack,
This internal civil war,
Battles in our head,
Our bodies have fled,
Am I mad or dead?
And I finally found what we’ve all been looking for

The whispered cry of a lonely man
Reverberating eyes with stars around the walls stare at unknown clutching hands
Through these desperate nights of violent quiet
Nothing to the left in me is left of me but at least it’s now silent
To feel a thing of mine so perfect become someone else’s is to not want to feel at all
I found a house of possibilities and all you did was put up all these walls
To the right of me is a girl that seems more nothing than the nothing itself
In the darkness of daylight the glancing blows of affable screams demand that you show yourself
In a place with a face I hate to love, mother emits tender screams whilst we sleep
I am not here even when she is because she was never mine to keep

A perfect painting ruined by maddened men with their selfish brushings
I saw the first strokes and have had to watch her become tarnished with childish rubbings
Though beautiful some may call it, its layers peel after time
It is not what I knew it to be and therefore it is no longer mine
To see a thing of mine so perfect become vandalized is to not want to see at all
The incessant shadows and lowly intellectuals insist she always crawls
This darkness and aged ******* take pieces and replace them with ***** of their sodden pages in her hair
You lie next to me but we are both blinded by your mirror you insist was never there
There is medicine for our disease but you will not take it without a guilty kiss,
I will give you what is left of my working pieces to try and fix you from all of this

To believe you are dying in your life when you are living your own death is not an existence
Reason gives reasons and I hear them but I know no sense in sense
So I will lay here with my perfect nothing
Give to you all the things you were supposed to have been
To hear a thing of mine once so true now fall apart is to not want to hear at all
With my tools you can keep my stars in your eyes but close them so that they shall never fall
I will become the nothing, the living death I had to take from you and start the end to begin
You can have the sounds of songbirds from my ears so in your darkest winters you can hear them sing of coming spring
Now the sound of your breathing I don’t recall and your face is nothing but that of a stranger
I roll over to my left and stare into a mirror you have put there that shows me a perfect painting I now can’t remember.

Drastic self-defence,
Drastic in my linguistic augments,
The evidence of my attempts at trying,
To see any future where I’m not dying,
And it makes no sense

Tactic for offense,
Offensive in sarcastic defiance,
Ambivalence on a course for further premonitions,
Static fragments of my continual refusal of any medicinal diminution,
Please help me make some sense

Psychopathic friends,
Systematic traffic hence,
Pensive head and that will drive you,
Insane and round the bend if only they all knew,
I can’t see any sense

Automatic ends,
Ammunition diplomatic,
Suspense in its unanimously tragic situation,
Fate’s unenthusiastic in its conflict upon two cognitive nations,
That makes no sense

Anatomically attic fenced,
Just a poetic way to represent,
One’s combative mental condition,
An addict and the opposite always on the right and the left warring in attrition,
If that makes any sense

Plastic ornaments,
Plastic bottles left to lament,
As the alcoholic labyrinth in my life that cannot be broken,
To help wash down writhing thoughts forced to remain unspoken,
And an I that makes no sense

Fix it no expense,
Fixed monthly recompense now,
I am a myth of someone, whom I do not know,
Sickly pretence took me down a road that I never wanted to go,
And now you say I’m finally making sense

Panic is absent,
Absent the magic,
In the pills that in basic blindness I routinely swallow,
Dynamic in the worn out tools that continue to carve once whole now hollow,
Does that make any sense?
Now I’m really not making sense, by finally making sense

Holds her hand on his head,
Strokes the scar made by pencil lead,
She rubs it out with her eraser lips,
Plugging holes in a sinking ship,
Why’d you let me go?
Thinking I am, your first mistake,
Accepting that, was the second that you made

I am broken, always have been,
You can't miss something you have never seen,
If you accept that you are already dead,
Then you can live a life without regrets,
Then you’ll reach the end alone in your bed,
With only your life you can’t wait to forget,
Why’d I let you go?
Thinking I am, your first mistake,
Accepting that, is one of many that I have made

Welcome to the Land of Forgotten Thoughts,
I forget all the rest and I’m already lost,
Where there is no crossing the King and the Queen,
They don’t like who I am and they hate who I've been,
It’s more fun when nothing is as it seems,
I’d rather sleep all day and live in my dreams

Now don’t listen to violence,
Nothing speaks louder than silence,
I can’t run from the wolf when he’s already under my skin,
The cold King and the questioning Queen,
Don’t care what you say but demand answering

The wretched Jester,
Emotion molester,
Finds out what it’s takes to take a hit to the chest,
His laughs that have always been better than the rest,
His lines are always the best

Prince Charming is always self-harming,
Keeps embalming the lost skin on his palms,
People don’t care because they see you’ve got a charming face,
Internal sorry expression,
From the eternal royal rejection,
Don’t worry natural selection will put you back in your place

Open the door and kick your lover out of your bed,
And don’t trust any of the others willing to take her stead,
Pretty faces don’t stop them being ugly,
Prince Charming, charmingly free,
And I’m trying to take off the crown,
But the King and Queen keep pushing it down

I can’t sleep at night now I've got no head,
The medicine keeps me well fed,
Stomachs aching,
Pain killers are making,
A body glued together two minutes from breaking

There no quitting,
The Quetiapine scene,
The truth is upsetting,
Mistakes worth regretting,
Swallow their lies and I’m already forgetting

Welcome to the Land of Forgotten Thoughts,
I forget all the rest and I’m already lost,
You don’t need to know where we’re going,
We know there’s no point in knowing,
We know there’s no point in knowing,
You don’t need to know where we’re going,
I forget the rest and I’m already lost,
Welcome to Land of Forgotten Thoughts

I have seen the boy tear at the stitches his shadow sowed,
You are an old man who I have neither a need, nor a want of anything,
I have seen lungs gasp for air while the stupid ******* drowned you,
Hidden in the Old Mill, left to drink Complan and ***** nightmares,
I have seen your mother dying whilst she was making the children sandwiches from her bed,
The Lost Boys forgot, grew old and had Lost Boys of their own,
I have seen you try to fly from the world which is now on your shoulders, whilst the eagle circles in the sky you dreamt of,
The storm of madness continually crashes against our walls of concrete and imagination,
I have seen failure after successive failure wave to me from those eyes,
A father and a husband locks himself alone when the sentiment kicks his guts,
I have seen a head wrenched back to the barrage of pills and pain by wretched Ephialtes and his like,
Running from the hospital because they want more blood,
I have seen you scared, naked and drinking toilet water,
Everything went blue and time slowed down in riotous Belfast,
I have seen ****** and *****

We nursed our bruised bodies and mutinous minds from themselves,
I have seen late night talks of tears but freeing none whilst brooding on Dundee benches,
You misunderstand my intentions but I do not blame you,
I have seen petrified thoughts begging for company, abandoned to fight the lonely nights,
In dark rooms full of empty Coke cans and never-to-be-used condoms,
I have seen the miscarried baby and the aborted foetus and I have wept in secret over dreams of their lamented birthdays,
Prodigies of stardust and walking infinity,
I have seen a baby boy born into dyslexia, depression and death,
Reflections meander on the television with maddened eyes and religious fists,
I have seen the bite marks on my own arms as Fenrir knaws at his chains,
Graveyard whispers cry of Elliott Smith and James Dean,
I have seen the suicide note torn into pieces, but put aside ready to be glued back,
My brothers Icarus, Atlas and Prometheus all shake their heads in dismay,

I have seen friends and strangers and imagined all lives unlived,
Felt every tear I have not cried, cried every tear I have not felt,
I have seen the life that will never be and thereby choose not to live,
Sing a requiem for futures lived,
In the present now passed into the past,
I have seen prison bars,
I have seen closing doors without handles, hinges or keyholes,
I have seen the invisible voice,
I have seen beaten tracks leading nowhere,
I have seen blue eyes stare back from the abyss,
As soon as see me, gone,
I have seen forests of my mind burning,
I have seen the scorched mattress,
I have seen a lifeline on your wrist dying to live,
I have seen Ragnarok,
I have seen too much and felt not enough,
Though I could bear no more

Holy Trinity of death, divorce and debt,
Haunt the adult-minded children,
Manifest the shroud of sorrow around you,
As if a shield of darkness unto all light,
My legs are not yet buckled but do sink with every blinded step,
I have seen words upon pages but not felt the anguished breath slap me as you scream them in my face,
I have seen everything and nothing, that which has and has not,
I have seen things never to have been, be,
I have seen things never to have happened, happen,
I have seen a woman **** for feelings that never come,
I have seen her undress me with her stare and then blink,
I have seen a forgotten man escape his crazed mind by losing it,
I have seen him in love with ghosts that are not dead,
I have seen children fading from photographs that do not exist,
I have seen them lost in a Neverland that never was,
I have seen; now please let me see no more, not ever,
Now I am lost,
Now I have seen enough,
Please no more, not ever,
I have seen enough.
I have seen enough.

I wear a ring of black upon my finger,
It’s always there to remind me

As the darkness descends around me,
And around you,
Time ticks by and I’m wondering,
What to do,
Without you,
And I’m all alone here waiting,
I still wait for you,
For you

I wear a ring of black on my finger,
It’s always there to remind me,
That I must always remember,
To close my eyes if I want to see

This emptiness takes hold where you should be,
With me,
Days go by and still I try to see,
You with me,
I’ll lock myself away and wait,
Wait for you,
For you

I wear a ring of black on my finger,
It’s always there to remind me,
That I must always remember,
To close my eyes if I want to see
To see but not hear your pleas,
Because I know I can do more

I will stop at nothing,
To bring you back to me,
I will stop at nothing,
I wasn’t ready for you to leave,
No, I will stop at nothing,
To bring you back to life and by my side the way it should always be

I wear a ring of black upon my finger,
It’s always there to remind me,
That I must always remember,
To close my eyes if I want to see,
To see but not hear your pleas,
Because I know I can do more,
Death is just a disease,
Every disease must have a cure

Alone in between the right and the wrongs,
Left, alone in this place of darkness and stone,
Below, I belong with the other things left undone,
Unravelled ingenuity becomes,
Anonymous animosity,
Misogynous monstrosity,
Disingenuous duopoly,
Synonymous, settling finally, with simple simplicity,
Not original nor profound,
There’s already been every sound,
Footprints on supposed unhallowed ground,
And yet we still dig down,
Down, down into the depths to find,
The simple thing that is only mine,
Simple thing,
Simple things are not what they seem,
Easy to say, but hard to mean,
Simple things are only so in dreams,
And probably already passim,
It is really nothing, in fact dead,
Everything worth saying has already been said,
And repeated again and again,
And again we try to abstain,
Refrain from replacing by accident,
Disdain and heckler’s haughty contempt,
You were there,
You were where I did not dare,
Unprepared for the lies and despair,
Unaware of the incompatible compared,
The undemanding and the complicated,
Down in the dark I stand illuminated,
Concentrated, concentrated and fully fabricated,
Automated someone manufactured whilst isolated,
Looking for the simple thing to make it all make sense,
Become alone and lost in a fog of thoughts too dense,
Why do you never drive me far?
Because you’re really not my friends,
So do I either throw caution out the car?
Or do I drive you round the bend?

“Sing of love, my dear”,
You beg and plead,
“For you write so sweet of melancholy,
Now, I must hear of the beauty in beauty itself,
So sing of love, sing of us, my dear”,
The thing you want you already know, my love,
Though you do know of the light but linger in shadows hesitantly,
You can know nothing of a flower until you see it wilting in winter’s frost,
There is evil in love, and there is beauty in evil,
I ask of you, my love, to think on it differently

Love is lonely, absent or dying,
“You sing not of love, but of sadness, my dear,
I want to know of its beauty”,
You misunderstand love, my love, for it is nothing without the dark,
For the stars only burn brighter,
When night sky is empty but for sparkles of infinite wonder,
It is not dark, cold or hollow. Such are all things, especially love,
It is in the having lost, to lose or the losing of a thing that makes it beautiful,
Not whispers in secret at a lover’s grave,
Nor the clinging to life of a lover to save from that handsome Hell

I can write about love if you wish, my love,
But I do not know it, as you want it,
It is the wrinkles of an aged face I awake to every morn until you’re gone,
The cloudy eyes of blue I stare into until they’re reluctantly closed,
For it is the flaws in the thing that make it beautiful,
It is not the kiss met with warm soft lips,
But lips of cold clay as the casket door is closed forevermore,
Not the perfumed hair that catches your face in the wind,
But that of your locks that persist to hide in our bed,
It is the thunderous pound of your heart fighting time and fate,
The gentle touch of your fingers until they finally unclasp mine,
You being mine and knowing you are taken from me again,
I being yours and you knowing you were stolen from me,
We being one another’s and knowing we will be whole once more,
That is love, my love
That is love

But I don’t know what that is,
Not yet

And as your day has just begun,
My own sunshine is all but done,
Whilst the world drifts and lingers in dreams layered deep,
I kick and I punch and I bite just to get to sleep

I do not want to become famous,
Don’t you know who I am?
I am not someone else,
I am only one man,
Do whatever that I want,
But there’s nothing that I can

Chasing gentle ghosts as they run,
Towards my nightmares as they come,
And as your daydream has just begun,
Whilst you crawl under problems in their heap,
I go to bed with the light and my covers I will keep

I do not want to become anonymous,
I don’t know who I am,
I am someone else,
I am not only one man
Do whatever that I won’t,
Because there’s nothing that I can

Running from gentle ghosts as they come,
And as my day has just begun,
I see the setting of your sun,
Whilst I sow the wishes which you reap,
And hide from my cognitive captors as they creep,
I kick and I punch and I bite and I weep,
All in vain just to get to sleep

Fear not as we all fall from haunted hollows,
Hallowed shallows that grows deeper in darkest shadows,
Live on dear brothers and forever let go of my hand, set me free,
Tell mother all that you know or dared to ever understand of me,
Her eyes will open to the truths she could not bear to see,
Under those clasped lids of easy lies,
Set alight the darkness in my mind that you despise,
The shadow that hides underneath our secret sighing skies

And lo, we are silently distraught at nothing’s fiction,
Weeping with the laughing darkness that accompanies the hesitant disparate,
Desperate indecision reaches for all the long lost and wrong decisions,
That no one knows but everyone proclaims to possess but just too late,
Amongst the lost and lonely living in patriarchal prisons there is a vision,
Someone’s inherent father finding a place alone to rest and wait

Welcome unto the final and only fight worth fighting, my son,
Fear not the surge of the sadness’ swarming seas,
For you are truly most alive in death’s warm welcome,
Do not fear the cold clasp of shadows under your hallowed dying tree,
So when all that is said is not said, and what once did is never done,
You must accept the things you will never be,
You must accept the things you will never become,
Thus death is only but a key,
Thus this life is the lock left undone,
Though living in light there is only death and darkness surrounding you, son of Suns

Look upwards father into the shadow of shadows,
Enter world’s we could never have seen,
Welcome son into these sorry shallows,
And though I will cease to have ever been,
Come and become life’s fragile thread unspun,
Therein is no where or when,
As all things must live and die,
And the living must live on then,
And the dead must only wonder why,
But this is not the end

False starts and missing parts,
Sunny skies only burn my eyes

I’m soaking and I’m breaking up,
You’ve woken something that just won’t give in,
So broken and I’ve had enough,
Words I’ve spoken that I just don’t believe in anymore,
Wish I hadn’t given all that I have left,
Wish I could stop this desperate beating in my chest,
Because it beats for you

False starts and missing parts,
Sunny skies only burn my eyes

I’m soaking and I’m breaking up,
Too open I can’t close the gates that should’ve stayed shut,
Just hoping I didn’t give too much,
Pointless tokens that I cling onto for some meaning,
Wish I didn’t make life so tough,
Wish I didn’t think about all the useless stuff,
But my heart still beats for you

False starts and missing parts,
Sunny skies only burn my eyes

I’m soaking and I’m breaking up,
Sinking deeper and feeling lost and that’s ok,
Falling deeper into that endless cup,
Thinking darker and seeing ghosts every day,
Wish I hadn’t given all that I have left,
Wish I could stop this desperate beating in my chest,
Wish I’d never fall in love,
Wish I didn’t make life so tough,
Wish I didn’t think about all the useless stuff,
You don’t love me and I’m not enough,
My head kills my heart for you

False starts and missing parts,
Sunny skies only burn my eyes

I’m feeling right as rain on a window pane in a war of attrition,
And I love how the rain beats me into submission,
And I hate how I’m always in need of some reason for a division,
That riddle of forever being cut down and somehow risen up in the middle

Circumnavigate the delusional oceans of my mind,
And I love that place between being dead and alive,
And I hate how I’m there and yet still to arrive,
That riddle of being lost and found by being stuck in the middle

To be a fly on that flower on the wall,
And I love to see how it feels to be left out of it all,
And I hate to be unable to fall,
That riddle of asking “How?” and not “Why?” that comes with being trapped in the middle

I’ve written this part,
For what feels the millionth time,
I can only resign.
The scars upon my hands,
Connecting teeth-marks
The guilt within my heart,
That’s where the sickness starts,
That riddle of being sick and yet unable to survive without lingering in the middle

To be a Superman is so **** superficial,
Superb superstition feels so insuperable,
Juxtaposition in a definition of terms makes the Super seem just simple and little,
That riddle of being everything and nothing that is superimposed in the void of the middle

And I love how I’m here all alone in the middle,
And I hate how I’m here all alone in the middle

Welcome to ‘The be all and end all’,
We ask that you end all and that all,
Is that all, Sir?

Always stuck in the loneliest place,
It’s not about where you are,
No offense it’s just your personal space,
Always been an addict of pain,
She says stop being so dramatic,
Sorry it’s just a habit,
Of being hung out to dry in the rain

Now the be all and end all is not all we have now,
The be all and end all won’t ever show you how

Taking my time, the tick-tocks are mine,
And not yours to count,
There’s a monkey sitting on my shoulder,
He’s been to space but can’t get back down,
Always getting looks from the mirror,
Changing is the risk that you take,
A stranger couldn’t look no stranger

There’s got to be something,
Someone, somewhere who can make me feel anything at all,
There’s got to be something,
Someone, somewhere that’s real

Now the be all and end all is not all we have now,
The be all and end all won’t ever show you how,
The be all and end all is not the end,
All the be all and end all’s is not all we have now,
The be all and end all won’t ever show you how,
It all ends at ‘The be all and end all’

So late into the night,
With weary mind and dimming light,
By dawning sky I dream always of my selfish indite,
I cry, I scream, I wish and write,
Write about all the things that are wrong in my life,
The rights, the wrongs, the harmony and the strife,
All of many things disparate and yet somehow alike,
To glance within only to be left blinded inside

The onus of stigma now upon myself,
Done unto myself, this is the enigma of my enduring wealth,
I am the bounteous betrayed left with little else,
Than a mirror to stare into, and find that one is not oneself,
Seeing the perfect infection in the depths of my conflicting reflection,
This dying health that comes with accepting,
Understanding the hurt that you weren’t expecting,
This bed I slept in is not my own and it remains neglected

Excepting oneself, now listen to the loudness of the hush,
The weight of millions upon my shoulders now being crushed,
The rise of the tide that flows with unrelenting rush,
The wants of the wanting now fall into dust,
I hear the screams, I feel the pain,
I see the hurt, I feel the blame,
I am but the whisper of a forgotten name,
The uncontrollable crying of the incessant rain

And so I awake in a boat,
In a lake of tears sourced by the very things I have wrote,
Ideas come and go with the waves as they flow,
Whilst I sit in my boat and forget all I know,
Passing people please pay no heed unto my shadow,
To be stuck here now is how it must be so,
And now I must be rote,
To relive this pain I sought and forever stay afloat

Lachrymose,
Losing a life I did not fully engross,
Comatose, dying and death seems so close,
But loathe, I live a lie so frankly grandiose,
Verbose and jocose in all manners morose,
Desperation froze,
No one arose to salute my muttered incantations,
To dispute my life through my imagination,
Though through my doting degradation,
I cling on frantically unto unknown exaltation,
Diving into my awaiting expiration,
Regretful inspiration,
Fictitious foundations set in neglect,
Direct forgetting of the very thing once most in need to protect,
Respecting the ideas, with which ones conscious yearns to dissect,
I wept,
Alone except with, or was I within, the dark,
Or was it with the darkness within,
No matter, therein,
It begins, I accepted in that dark,
The dark and the truth of all things,
All something’s whispered so quietly they could well be nothing’s,
Though those nothing’s more oft than not turn into something’s,
Somewhere between the two supposedly lies everything,
Everything lies to make a man,
A man hollow seeming whole,
Holes plugged until they take their toll,
A role in a life you know you stole,
But there is no one,
No one bearing in mind what I have done,
Please, someone to forgive my mistakes that make who I become,
Becoming the shadows reprobate, I cannot anymore outrun,
Become someone, known to no one and now long gone,
Long gone alone, finally where I belong,
Long gone disposed of, to where I feel destined,
Destination twisted as thoughts are infested,
Alone as questions are no longer requested,
Alone but at least not wrong in all my guessing,
Alone in the dark with the truth of all things

She’s picking red flowers from the garden meant for two,
Always in the dark, it’s a wonder anything ever grew,
I don’t know what to do with these medals that she leaves around,
Accolades of hate she wraps around her neck just like a noose,
Out of her lies she builds a pedestal to keep her off the ***** ground,
You’re your only competition and somehow you still always find a way to lose

Moaning out her stupid dreams into the night sky,
It’s an easy choice you just have to choose,
Doesn’t matter if he could be the one and only guy,
If he’s giving you abuse, leaving your mind all black and blue,
She knows what she must do, but cannot do

His words all start to fall from her mouth,
I fell into them all,
I can’t take it, now I think I’m going south,
You don’t have me, you don’t want me but I’ll still beg you, answer my calls

She’s picking up her clothes from the garden known by two,
In the dark there was a face that nobody knew,
They don’t know what to do with all her things lying in his room,
Surrounded by all her useless stuff that he can never use,
In misery and in weary memory he would always bloom

Growing his own garden out of broken fuses and temporary taboos,
Soil bed, blooded sheets, resting into pillows of damaged dreams,
Beer bottles, bottle caps and broken things that he still pursues,
Friendly faces and sweet something’s aren’t what they all seem,
Tear strained eyes and bite mark bruises are his biggest clues,
Leave him on his own he’ll be alright after a bit more *****,
The fact he was at the end of it all was just fun news,
Hiding behind his bars, please don’t feed the animal at the zoo

Her words all start to fall from his mouth,
He fell into them all,
He can’t take it, now he thinks he’s going south,
You don’t have him, you don’t want him, but he’ll still beg you, and you won’t answer his calls,
And you’ll just leave him in the garden where he will do what he must do,
Lying lonely, naked in the garden made by two,
He knows what he must to do,
Laying forever in the garden, forever thinking of you

Cry upon my shoulder,
Whisper secrets in my ear

People talk about moving on,
Everyone wants to grow up fast,
Never look around at where it’s gone,
Forget about their past,
History is misery,
But misery don’t like company,
Misery’s just meant for me,
But that’s enough of that

I know that I can hold her,
Above the deepest of her fears

She talks about moving on,
She wants to move on fast,
Never looks around to see where I’ve gone,
Just an echo of her past,
Her history is misery,
And misery loves her company,
Her misery’s not meant for me,
And that is that

Cry upon my shoulder,
Whisper secrets in my ear,
I know that I can hold her,
Above the deepest of her fears,
But she don’t think I have the nerve,
After all, you accept the love that you think you deserve
I don’t think I have the nerve,
After all, you accept the love that you think you deserve
And you don’t deserve that misery

I won’t lose you like I did with the countless others,
The truth moves in a way much akin to lies,
Before, in the days when lightning and thunder went to war,
And after light had left and the mountains all ran and fled to the shore

Losing teeth and carrying them with everything else inside,
Breaking legs are buckling under encumbrance long denied,
Sifting through the mist of an anarchic mind,
Reaching the sea, dive into the depths and see what I can find

The curtain falls around the amphitheater again,
The crowd boo and scream for more,
They don’t want it to end

Paintings flash and crash into my eyes,
I can’t help but to imprint my own strokes and to analyse,
Trapped in my own maze of rain soaked walls,
I think I’ve found the end and then the curtain calls

The curtain falls around the amphitheater again,
The crowd boo and scream for more,
The curtain falls around the amphitheater again,
They don’t want it to end
The curtain calls and so we start again

Things in your head can’t be said in words,
You try and write them all down; it’s only making it worse,
Got to run away from you because you’re only making me hurt,
Every moment we’re close I always just end up on my knees in the dirt,
Now you,
Are the best,
That I,
Can do

Focus on the thought,
That I am here and not lost,
It takes a lot to make yourself a ghost and yet forgot,
Say things I don’t want, do things I can’t stop,
Make you hate who I am and become who I’m not,
Now you,
Are the test,
That I just,
Can’t do

Now the test is whether or not that you want it enough,
The boat isn’t sturdy and the seas can be rough,
Time to raise all the stakes and read all the bluffs,
This is the race that you run to try and fall in love,
Now you,
Are the best,
That I,
Can do

Now I think love this girl but she’s already left,
Just a bottle of ***** on the floor and her smell in my bed,
There’s something in my mind now I’m all at a loss,
Just I miss her in my head and a fissure in my heart,
Pain and pleasure both at once and I can’t tell them apart,
Now what,
Am I,
Supposed,
To do?

Now I’m looking half dead and you better believe,
That the words that you read are only meant to deceive,
I’m not who I am and that’s a hell of a relief,
Lost in a maze of dead ends and these ideas that I weave
Now you,
Are the best,
That I,
Can do,
And I,
Don’t know how,
To make you,
Love me,
Like I,
Love you

It is broken and it seems,
To be more than it means to be,
They say a picture paints a thousand words,
But my words will speak a thousand pictures,
All in broken frames and it seems,
That they are all the same but they do not mean to be

Hug me as you go to sleep,
Whilst you dream of someone else,
You say you love me but only when I’m not myself,
And you did not think that I had heard,
And you did not think that I had listened,
Now I’m all alone with your words,
And I can only listen, and no longer sleep

Broken things,
Broken things are not as they are,
Things are farther than they need to be,
And I will stare a lonely stare,
Into that foreign reflection on the wall,
Trying to find out who, if anyone, was there,
Fighting my shadow that repeats the very things I did not know were there at all,
If Death pays all debts and takes no bribes,
Then this money I collect won’t help keep us alive,
And I do not care what you shout at the night,
And I do not care if you whispered,
You hear everything I shout at darkness’ blinding light,
But do not listen to the silent things that die in my constant winter

Now I can’t fall asleep,
All I wish is to be someone else,
After all you might love me if only I weren’t myself,
And I do not care what it is you heard,
And I do not care if you listened,
And I glare an angry glare,
Into the scratches etched upon the wall,
Trying to find you and I, somewhere,
Where we could have it all

Somewhere without my bleeding knuckles rapping on that wall,
Somewhere without my murmured madness echoing off that wall,
Somewhere without that solitary shadow that stands solely against that wall,
Facing the wall forever wondering what it feels to feel at all,
Where things are not as they are,
Where things are not as far as they seem to be,
Where I can have it all and you can be with me

Now what is this feeling?
Are you still reeling and relying,
On thoughts of the dying and no,
I can’t stop all the crying and I don’t know,
Where to go, whether or not to run and hide it,
Because this is no fun and yes I might’ve lied,
And now I might be lying, but at least I’m trying with,
The hearts of the girls that really tried to care,
Now let’s see how you fare against me,
And, no this really isn’t fair, but I dare,
You to try better than me to die,
Cause you won’t be able to see,
What it really is to be living,
Without giving it all up for free,
And they told me I was God,
They told me I was God

Oh no, now I can’t be left alone,
With these deaf strangers,
But it’s ok, I’m more dangerous on my own,
Now who are you Miss and tell me what am I?
Why are you here at all and why did you try?
Because I’m kicking and I’m screaming,
From all your picking at my feelings,
You like to stalk and talk but it’s just going to make,
Me walk right away because anymore and I might break,
Any day soon and I’ll be closing up this door,
Frozen to the spot and I can’t thaw,
And I rot in this space, can’t embrace your embrace,
I hate this place, but I love your face,
And the taste of all the fear,
At the end of it all now all so near,
Makes me retrace the steps I’ve taken,
Try and find the path I’ve trod,
Because they told me I was God,
Yes they told me I was God

Over and over it rolls in my head,
Confetti confessions caught in the wind,
Written words spoken in a slurring slumber,
Reflect the conscience of the forgotten dead,
Crash into my soul and rescind,
My eyes are the doors to my blunders

Around and inside out I lay myself,
On a bed of regret I’m trapped by baying claws,
Darkness and shadows turn off the lights,
Reason watches from the self-aware shelf,
Wishing for wars and want away ******,
To keep me warm through the night

Up and under you want to dance,
Jokingly choke my mind of sense,
Whispering truths that echo like thunder,
Gifted your last and rotten chance,
Teetering on this suicidal fence,
How it could or should have been you can only wonder

Right and then left, left one bereft,
The one whom I was but never knew,
Who lost who he was and in turn lost the fight,
An assassin and thief with deadly deft theft,
Killed the one who begun and stole me away in two,
To keep me company through the night

Down and away I chase my thoughts,
Manmade mazes blocking my way,
I can see the end but it is only the start,
Whether I ought to be caught is not the answer I sought,
Trapped in my mind in the dark and my body by day,
You say you like me but just not this part

Out and then in it can never begin,
Cannot right the wrong that were wrong all along,
But you can read who I am by what I write,
Telling you nothing and everything,
So you can decide where I belong,
To keep me dead or alive through the night

I came home,
I came home and you weren’t there,
I came home and you were God knows where

Sit down and have another think,
I swear it’s the last one I’ll drink,
Don’t you think it’s a waste to throw it all away?
I guess today’s just going to be another lonely day

Step in the deep end and let me sink,
Trying to find my missing link,
I’m stuck here now and I guess here’s where I’ll stay,
I guess today’s just going to be another lonely day

I think I fell down another well,
It might be the same one it’s hard to tell,
I’ll pad my path in the dark to help me guess my way,
I guess today’s just going to be another lonely day

I’ve run out of lies that I can sell,
I’ve ran out of truths that I can yell,
I’ve ran out of excuses and I guess there’s nothing I can say,
I guess today’s just going to be another lonely day

You came home and I wasn’t there,
You came home and I was God knows where,
You came home and I guess I’d gone astray,
You came home and I guess today’s just going to be another lonely day

Tell me what, oh what, it is you are fighting for?
I tore down your walls, and you closed the door.
You breathed and said the truth that you bled,
Tomorrow you're dead, and continues the war.

Oh what did you do?
Can you bring me to land?
I misunderstood. I wish that I could,
But I don’t understand,
No I don’t understand.

Now what, oh what, what are you here for?
If you’re losing right now, then you're lost for sure.
Gave up and fled, the thoughts in your head,
Love sickness instead, now disease is the cure.

You live what you get,
You choose what you do,
I forget the regrets,
I regret I met you.

Oh what did you do?
I misunderstood.
Can you bring me to land?
I wish that I could,
But I don’t understand.
No I don’t understand,
But neither do you.