Oh, will you ever return to me,
My wild first force, will you return
When the old madness comes to
Blacken in me and to burn
Slow in my brain like a slow fire
In a blackened brazier - dull
like a smear of blood,
Humid and hot evil, slow-sweltering
up in a flood!
Oh, will you not come back, my fierce song?
Jubilant and exultant, triumphing over
the huge wrong
of that slow fire of madness that feeds
on me - the slow mad blood
thick with its hate and evil, sweltering
up in its flood!
Oh! will you not purge it from me -
my wild lost flame?
Come and restore me, save me from the
intolerable shame
Of that huge eye that eats into my
Naked body constantly
And has no name,
Gazing upon me from the immense and
Cruel bareness of the sky
That leaves no mercy of concealment
That gives no promise of revealment
And that drives us on forever with its
lidless eye
Across a huge and houseless level of
a planetary vacancy
Oh, wild song and fury, fire and flame,
Lost magic of my youth return, defend
me from this shame!
And Oh! You golden vengeance of bright
song
Not cure but answer to earth's wrong

i will always associate back flips
with my first "boyfriend" in the third
grade who has probably now grown
up to be the type of guy who takes
pictures of himself shirtless in the bathroom
mirror and tells his girlfriend that she's pretty
but not quite as pretty as he is.

i will always associate playgrounds
with my elementary school sweetheart
and hearing my favorite love song and
him walking five steps behind and defending
me when he thought i needed it.

i will always associate the rain
with wet tables and standing up
and laughing with friends and talking
and being wrapped in someone's arms
for the very first time and hearing "i missed you."

i will always associate "almosts" with the guy
i never really realized i wanted until it was too late
and seeing him walk around holding the hand of the
girl who wanted him when i didn't and seeing him kiss
her the way he wanted to kiss me once upon a time
and with ******* up really really irreparably bad this time.

i will always associate short time periods with the two weeks
when i belonged to someone I never expected to want,
when he kissed me like i mattered,
when he held me as though he would never let go
and then told me we should "take a break" and
come back to us when the "time was right."

and i will always associate happiness with these times
when i was loved and wanted and needed for just a little while
and believing for just a moment that i was special.

and you know what else?

i will always associate failure with the entrance of something better
i will associate failure with a narrow escape because if it were meant
for me to have then i would have had it but it's not so i don't.

i will always associate life with beautiful complications.

To that child I am so sorry
I'm kind enough to care but
Not enough to help

To that child I am so sorry
You didn't have to see that
They should have more respect for you
And should be smart enough to know
That fighting won't help you fall in love

To that child I am so sorry
I should have stopped
Not kept on going
What was wrong with me
What kind of person does that make me
To keep on going
And let you live with that for the rest of your life

To that child I am so sorry
I hope you find someone someday
That cares enough to make a difference
You deserve better and I deserve worse
They should have spoken not swung
I should have spoken not gone
Please don't let them rule you
You can survive you can love
You can do better than them

To that child I am so sorry
I want you to stop crying
Because tears won't stop the bruises
I want to hold you in my arms
And tell you it's okay
There's nothing to worry about
Nothing to fear and nothing to hide
No one to take you away
And no one to make you stay

To that child I am so sorry
Can you forgive me for walking away?

My skin is raw from the frequent scalding hot showers.
I want to scrub your fingerprints off my body.
I don’t want to smell of your deceivingly sweet nectar,
I don’t want to feel your lingering embrace any longer.

It is no use.
I know that if someone were to kiss my body,
They would taste the insincere plague of your tongue.
They would absorb your flimsy forevers,
And those tender kisses that were meant for only me.

It is no use.
I cannot forget.
It is impossible for me to peel off these imprints.
So instead I will cover them.
I want to tattoo the first time you kissed me all over my body.
I want to tattoo our beach trip on my thighs.
Our day at the amusement park on my feet.
That’s where the skin is thinnest.
Poke close to my fragile bones.
I want it to hurt as much as possible.
It needs to sting.

Today we stand on top of the mountain. We see farther and clearer than ever before. This mountain is not our first and it surely will not be our last. When you come upon the next, do not think of the strenuous climb or the possible hazards, think only of the view and bask in the rewards of climbing ever higher. Life does NOT get easier, it only gets shorter.... so follow your feet, but watch where you're walking.

I spent my youth in a house of glass,
my castle among the trees and grass,
no stick or stone could break that home,
where the sunlight filtered freely.

But as I grew older, and stronger, and bolder,
alas, I cracked a pane of glass,
my first thoughts were that my life was breaking,
a little crack had my whole world shaking.

A voice awoke somewhere inside me,
a frantic whisper "Smash it wildly!"
"Bust it! Break it! Tear it down!"
"Burn this glass house to the ground!"

This is how I came to know,
deep inside my youthful heart,
there's beauty in the fire's glow,
destruction is a form of art.

My fragile home was torn apart,
like a gust of wind to a house of cards,
I live happily now, in the open air,
endlessly dancing, on silicate shards.