Sometimes I love you and it's just
Painful
Too painful for me to continue
For me to fathom what's wrong
For me to discern reality from illusions
For me to comprehend your lies.

Sometimes I hate you and it just
*****
Yeah, I said it. Hating you
*****.
Because life is a lie, love is a lie,
My hate for you is a lie-
Or is it the truth?
I don't know anymore.

Sometimes I ignore you and it's just
Pure
Bliss
I close my eyes and ignore you
I clap my hands over my ears
Pretend I don't hear you
Pretend I don't see you
Pretend I don't feel you
Like I did that night
Which was sprinkled with stars like
Icing
Icing on a cupcake.

Sometimes I remember you and it's just
Horrifying
Two conflicting emotions of deep within battle
Fight to seek dominance and reassurance
Your love nauseates me and excites me
Because I remember drunken words full of poisoned love
And I recall your touch that used to heal
But now it burns and forever it will hurt
It burns and flares greater than any cursed fire.

Sometimes I love you, and hate you
Sometimes I ignore you, and remember you
And life isn't what it used to be
It's no longer a fairytale
It holds no dram of mercy
And love for you is so conflicting
So contradicting, so confusing
Like yin and yang or something more
Faded lines, blurred lies and tear-streaked whispers...

Sometimes, I think that
Me
Loving
You
Isn't that worthwhile anymore.

I could’ve sworn I saw you look my way,
makes me wonder why you never stayed
Could’ve sworn I heard your heart race, going at a fast pace.
All in my head, It’s all in my head they said as I replay
all the I love you’s,
all the promises,
all the forever and always’s,
all the lies.
I could’ve sworn you felt it too,
the love that grew so strong,
But what went wrong?
It’s all in my head, they said.
I could’ve sworn you were different,
not the good kind of different but the worst kind.
All in my head, It was all in my head you said.

As the world around me wails in the madness that is pain,
As the walls around me shake and threaten to crumple,
As the thoughts of tomorrow sway relentlessly in the mist of uncertainty,
As I selfishly ignore all else and focus on the creaks of my lovely bed,
The bed that knows me and has heard me cry,
The bed that has rocked me to sleep
The bed that has let me dream.
The bed I have come to love,
My bed

My bed that keeps me around from all that’s important,
My bed that doesn’t encourage me to go deal with life,
My bed that allows me watch deadlines go by
My bed that has made me selfish, made me lazy
How did it get to this time where I had to hide myself in the open
A time where my life was to obvious and yet I felt misunderstood,
A time were I settled with what I had because wanting was selfish.
I want to fly off to the desert I find water just because,
I want to live with the dolphins and come out to play only when I’m cheerful
And tomorrow whenever it chooses to come. Will remember today as my liberation day.

Every traitorous thought you harbour
ties a small rock to your ankle
as you tread water in the open ocean.

Every spiteful thought from a family member,
friend, acquaintance, stranger
ties another.

It weighs you down,
of course it would.
You know how to swim,
you know how to float and tread water.

But that is not what will save you.

Everyone tires eventually.

You hold a pair of scissors in your hand.
It is slightly blunt,
of course it is.
You've cut your wrists and thighs and stomach,
your worth
so many times.

But even the bluntest of scissors will be helpful
when you're about to drown.
Wear down the string
then leave them behind on the ocean's floors.

It is easier to cut away what weighs you down
than try and pretend it doesn't bother you.

We're a mix of impossible genetics
Pooled together by a simple 'hello'
Two souls took the impossible chance
Thousands and millions of years ago.
So somehow the ******* the earth
Somehow said hello to the boy
And somehow millions of years ago
There began the story.
Along the lines of romanticism
It goes back to the beginning once again
Veering off the path of moonlight nights
And love is created in vengeance.
See, it all boils down to the simple hello
In a language known across all the seas
Had Fate not stepped it and drawn them
Well, maybe, we'd all never be.
Even millions of years ago, love ******
Hasn't really changed much since then
But these words that I write express much more than love
Express more feelings than written in pen.
So long ago, or in land unknown
It might not have gotten started like now
But everyone shares that one common thing
Much more love than our bodies can allow.
Across the world there's this small little light
This little light that can somehow poke through
And it's this one little common light in us
That bonds strangers like me and like you.
So take the chance like the first ones did
The first ones that said it so long ago
Buck up, my darling, muster some courage
Walk up there and say hello.

You have probably forgotten,
You have probably moved on,
I am left wondering,
And you are all gone,

What happened to us?,
I mean what we were,
Now it’s just a shell,
Everything is a blur.

I miss how you once were,
When you really did care,
When you told me everything would be alright,
And not now how you just sit and stare,

I am not quite sure what happened
Not even a clue
All I know is that I want you back,
I want to be with you

All the spoken words I've ever heard
And every journey written in pen
Gorgeous conjunctions and beautiful sentences
Are one combination of a 26 letter alphabet.
We are a mix of A's and T's, C's and G's
And not just the mix of scientific bases
But the actual letters make up a person
With a personality and a body and a face.
Every book to ever grace your hands
And every poem the danced in the mind
All the 'I love you's and the 'I regret nothing's
Every 'I miss you' to have been spoken in time.
We make friends with a combination of syllables
A different mix of two 'l's, an 'h', and two vowels
We end relationships with the horrible g-double o-d-bye
Quitting it all and throwing in the towel.
And somehow we overlook the simple fact
That everything we have ever been and will be
Is somehow linked together with these 26 sounds
Every fiber of our everything and piece of history.
So that little song you learned long ago
To the tune of one sparkling little star
Remember that every letter you know today
Makes up every fantastic piece that you are.

Tell me now what time it is
Now I'll ask your dog the same
Not because they don't understand
No, they don't even know the day.
It's occurred to me that humans
Are the only ones that know our fate
We're the only ones that even care
Animals only care to procreate.
I've come to senses, got the math
And now I really see it all
I know exactly just how long I'll live
Know the memories I'll recall.
My fish doesn't know it's 11:32
And the giraffes don't get New Years
The only thing the rabbit worries about
Is The Turtle and The Hare.
We're the only ones that worry
About how soon we'll reach the end
If we're reaching to the heavens
Or if we'll be condemned.
It's solely us that understand
Our own mortality
Manatee's haven't got a grip
Time is our own insanity.
And if you boil it down to the very end
Ignoring all the rest
Time steals our mindfulness
He committed a real, true theft.
So now if you'll join me in forgetting
That I'm human and I will die
Let's forget that Time is really there
Escape with me, if you don't mind.

The empty space that sits and waits
Spaces sit so bored and cold
We left and locked up the house today
Left one way I've never known, without you.
The empty spaces on the walls
Grow more useless every day
Calenders have lost their date
The numbers are growing old (like you did).
The empty beds are in the rooms
And there's a perfectly good one
But nobody has the nerve to sleep there
So the mattress cries, and weeps- it dies (kind of like him).
The empty closets once filled with doodles
With hearts and names and numbers
The numbers from my mothers childhood
That are probably disconnected (like yours).
The empty fridge that held our meals
Endless containers of coffee creamer
And seemingly reappearing bologna
Contains just a solemn old fruit cup (kind of like us).
The empty chair that was your space
I sat in about three times today
Where you sat and we did crossword puzzles
Quiet yet interesting puzzle books (just like you).
The empty house that sits and waits
Watches the garbage bags being taken away
Watching us discuss prices and family problems
Watching us secretly mourn in our own silent way
Of cleaning out your already empty house.