To keep at it like it's worth it
Like effort pays off
That this being is competant and worthwhile
Getting out of bed will be better
Than not.
It keeps sending broadcasts
Rationalizing
Justifying
Me
So I guess that's
Nice.

Thanks, ego.

(I also have a whole team in here working against the guy so this "believe in yourself" stuff doesn't get out of hand)

You made me promise to lie
You made me promise I'd sneak
But my only way to stay true
Is making your promise
But refusing to keep

Of all the things
That were false
Which I believed to be true
The one I'll miss most of all
Is the child
That came out of you

She has anger issues when she gets honest
And she doesn't mind if I sleep on the floor
My strategies always backfire anyway
I don't feel like lying to her any more

A guy:

mind on his money
voice and style like honey
mirrors wherever he goes

A guy in an alternate universe:

concerned with primal fears
precision eyes and ears
Unaware of his boogery nose

My words start a sentence
Then they run away
I don't know if I discombobulated them out of shape
With drugs
Or chased away second halves of my thoughts
Back when I pulled the trigger
And convinced myself
About the futilty loop

Hold him still so the blade doesn't slip
Just take a little off the tip

To not be heard

It's not her ears

Some voice sounds happen
And she responds
To what she decided was said.

He looks confused
Yelling
Crying
Speaking slow
Nothing works
His actual words will never be heard
By her

Fixate on beauty
You hateful ****
Love
LOVE you weak
Nothing
Love

Suicidal in slow-motion
Anxiously dreading death
Alternating between
Hating every thing
And
Clinging to each breath

Right NOW
Right ******* NOW
NOW

Dorothy went home without the scarecrow
And
I think I miss my medication most of all.
Eating radiated rats and roaches is kinda harsh
But
Raw-******* reality, chemically
Frightens me.
My mind lacks essential ingredients
To make sense of this madness

Try to catch my reflection
In the explosion of broken glass
Approaching my eyes

After we no longer had film cameras
But before cloud based backup
So many childrens' photos
Disappeared out of memory
Out of existence
Those early digital photos
We didn't back-up.
In 2102,
When they teach about
Life in the 2000-earlies
They will probably use
Photos from the 1990s or the 2010s

Jumbled mix
miracles
mirages
echoes
and self delusion

Who is authoring the other delusions
And who the non-delusion
(if non-delusion exists)
?

Time erases everything
Eventually
But our secret programming
Our collective high hopes,
Frightening ourselves into
Something
That beats time.
Belief in both miracles and mirages
And everything is erased eventually
We fight on behalf of our wild unconscious hope
Even entropy could be undone
With enough time

Me on the truth serum alone in the night
My one companion and tool, the tape recorder
Fighting so hard to survive this trip
And treat my slow-motion suicide disorder

The vampire takes blank selfies in the mirror
Attempting to be seen
In their frame of reference

Now he walks around craving approval from idiot ****
And it's so below him and they'll never notice him
Like a once-proud vampire posting blank selfies
Trying to be seen

Some of the ***** sink
And some of the **** floats
But when one plunges sinkers
They squish, smear, and combine
And the plunger comes out
Pretty gross

Now never stays still long enough
For me to ever get it
I'm this weird thing that experiences
This made up way
To interpret the world,
If that is something.
I'm certain I'm real,
I'm something
Right?

i found a droopy bulldog
To take over my look-out whilst i sleep
But the girl ive been watching
Is more than our four eyes can keep

Money, ***, ****, drugs, and <the deep futility loop>

The dunderheads were charged with improper time travel
But Wizzer had a cosmic defense he said could beat it
"We were simply attempting to learn from the future
But it turns out we're doomed to repeat it"

They force-feed me REO Speedwagon because my kids said I love Pink Floyd
And say I'm disgusting when I beat it
I'm trying to learn from the future
But I guess I'm doomed to repeat it

Studies confirm we're doomed
And it's probably coming soon
Time for everything to recombine
Reunite the earth and the moon
Back before all this crazy ******* started
Like life forms stinking the place up
A world filled without biology
Is a tranquil, zen, runneth-ed over cup!
Bring on the recombobulation
Let the cosmic plow-blade hit this ground
Jesse and girl, please help find him a woman like that
Or just let Rick Springfield play around

Blue ***** are a myth
People with bad motives are not
Eating boogers is going too far
But you may mildly enjoy your snot
Jacking off seems perfectly fine
But ***** can mess with your head
Love may not be all you need
But there's a lot to be gained in bed

Outside our inside references
I have no escapes.
They even came by last night
And took my sour grapes.

Fell down three flights of stairs
And that wasn't a bad trip
Compared to where I went last night

Three drops of medicine,
My best girl, my best friend,
And I took room four for a ride

Complicated frustration
Mixed well with dilation
Though two were cut,
One was not dry

I tried to look down
From the synesthesia sound
As their eye contact
Distance drew nigh

I'd talk feelings and thoughts till the dawn
I walk out if my whole life goes wrong
I'll skip this session
That doorknob looks ripe
I'll be back in a minute

Goodnight

The table of contents was written
By a dull rotten corpse with no eyes
I looked into the black in the back of his sockets
It indexed only maggots and flies

I used to could look
In both of either of your eyes
And see neither disgust nor dull blindness
Or now I think my thoughts are all in my mind
Even the part where I treated you with kindness

As if in a dream, all intentions were good
And as if in reality, all went wrong that could
My sanity prescription wasn't ready for pickup
And some other guy used my **** in a stickup

The wolves and the shepherd
Removed their sheeps' clothing
To take a repose from composure
One was on a mission to revoke permission
And two had big eyes for some closure

Poorly developed surveillance skills
Issues with eye contact but not with caring
Come get away with whatever you want
In the warm loving embrace of my not-staring

The wolves and the shepherd laid down for a nap
Without a stitch of sheeps clothing
They put Lucy and the diamonds in their dilated skies,
And hit pause on their fear and their loathing

My mind thought my eyes caught what came all over your face
When your shared hilt deep inside references double penetrated in it.
I'm just going out of the room for a minute.

Tight quarters are hard for a bad trip time traveling submarine sailor
But it's been an honor and a pleasure serving this vessel with you in it.
I'm just going out of the ship for a minute.

Kiss the kids and responsibilities and tell them some junk for me
About the moment or eternity or however the earth wants to spin it.
I'm just going out of the world for a minute.

Fixate on beauty,
*******!

Un-asked-for favors
Not that it was wanted but for the fear to ask
But that nothing was desired.
nothing

What night of self hate
And proclamations
Is complete without
A big unplanned midnight haircut?

More dilligiance was due
But into the swirl they flew

Temporary
Objects
In the field

Something is feeding
On the unwinding of stuff
In the field

Entropy
Yum

Holding on to the let it go spirit like a Buddhist
Holding up and taking down the Jesus like a Judas

We drew our conclusions
The misshapen stick figures
Were not wrong or right
Just a result of poor eyesight
And limited artistic skill

My species is obsessed with time.
I'm resistant to all their inventions and obsessions
On principal
But
If it weren't for time,
Nothing would happen.

You critiqued our traits
And twisted our fates
Still you weren't happy with us.

Plotting against self destruction

A massless squig
He existed before he thought
"I am"
He drives the mobile around.
The shapes of his thoughts and dreams
Form the initial conditions
And everything
Is an echo

You don't love me!
You love what I have,
What I can do.
Love me!

First is everything, just being
Then something thinks
"I am"
Makes sense, I guess
But it could be so much *******