I saw you
You looked as beautiful as usual
Draped in grey, it hugging your every curve
and covering your face
Only seeing your evergreen eyes when you kiss the tree line
and spread yourself on the ocean bed
Waiting for me to lie down and look at the moon on on a silver chain around your neck

I love you
I always will look at you like it was the first time
You had a heart that I once saw
and he poisoned you and you are slowly dying
I can see you getting worse you've lost the light in your eyes,
you're the vacancy sign that I identify by

I take solace in you
I used to at least, just like you I am getting worse
You are equally codependent
but you traded me for him
You let someone in
You let someone in
but you never told him our secrets did you?
That was why he never understood what we have
You were the bandage that clotted my bleed, but now you're the exit sign behind my picture frame

The only comfort I have is that he'll never love you as much as I do

But he cant hold you either

Where are you on this fine evening?
Are your eyes kissing the cross above your head ?
Or lingering on the warm dirt that fills the treads of your duct taped Converse hightops?
Are you somewhere in the middle?
Getting a taste of the foreign perspective
Of the sunset on our shared horizon
Who are you on this fine night?
A person fighting the great river?
Or a person who will swim in the current
Maybe you’re running along side with me
How far away are you on this everlasting morning?
Are you galaxies away looking for me across the universe?
Are you just a car ride away? In your house, in your room, sitting 3 feet off the ground, listening to quiet indie just like always
Or are are you just in Colarado

otm.

Im holding one between my teeth
There's nothing I can do but wonder
If I should
I know I cant
10 12 20
Even never straying
Vacancy in every laugh line
Metal Mistress calming quiet
i cant breathe
Mom i ****** up
Dad im sorry
Tip of my thumb taps three times
On each side of my silver sun
Burning hot in my pocket
I revolve around it and it takes my empty heart

I know you're up, it's 3am
and still you won't answer me.
otm.

He looked at her like she was the most beautiful thing in the world,
not like a piece of meat that is waiting to be devoured
more like he needed her like plants need sunlight
it almost seemed like she is oxygen and he needed her to be there and fill his lungs every time he took a breath
with every glance you could see the love in his eyes and the smile that played at his lips like he wanted to love her until the end of his life
and to be without her would be the end of his life
The way he looked at her said "I will never leave you"
like every moment with her could have been his last, and every moment without her was utter torture

She looked at him like he was the blood in her veins and every time she met his eyes it was the first time
like her love was unfathomable and without it she would not go on
She looked at him like she saw every moment they ever had together in the curve of his jawbone, every kiss they ever shared in the color of his lips, like all of the love in the world was resting on his brow

The prelude of their kiss, where their foreheads rested against each other and their noses touched seemed to be endless and peaceful as though nothing else existed

The moment they kissed looked like it lasted forever in their eyes, but felt so fleeting
like it kept them grounded and without it they would be 10 ft off the ground

"When I met Johnny, I was pure ******. He changed that. He was my first everything. My first real kiss. My first real boyfriend. My first fiancé. My first guy I had *** with. So he'll always be in my heart. Forever. Kind of funny that word." Winona Ryder
She sounded so nostalgic and soft, he meant the world to her
As though the world would be off centered without him

"I'd die for her. I love her so much. I don't know what I would do without her. She is going through a lot right now. I wish I could just kiss away the pain, make it go away, stop it, **** it! If she, you know, I don't know what I would do. I'd **** myself. I love that girl. I love her. I love her almost more than I love myself." Johnny Depp
He seemed so passionate, like without him he both couldn't and wouldn't want to go on
Like the world wouldn't stop, it would just cease to exist
"Believe me, this Winona Forever tattoo is not something I took lightly... Her eyes **** me."
I believe they did **** him, that just the thought of her cut him like glass
that every moment he spent with her made him love her so much it hurts

I want a love like Johnny and Winona
a love so strong that it'll leave me thinking about every kiss, every accidental brush of their arm against mine, every second since their eyes met mine. I want a love like music, a love that makes me feel like with it the world will slow to one beat per measure.
A love that feels like the ocean, they are the shore, and I am the seashells that get swept up in it
A love that is completely undeniable on every account

A love like Johnny and Winona

The way i look at you

I look at you like the roaring fire that we sat together by whispering the tune of the prison we subject ourselves to because that was when i felt every bit of your rare smile projected onto my skin
I look at you like I look at the night sky that we looked up at that one night when you told me you might never come back because looking at you makes me feel a little bit nostalgic in the best way i can muster to interpret you
I look at you the way i look at the waves crashing on the rocks because you bring so much chaos to my fingers when i type out that response to a one word text at 11:57 on a monday night
I look at you like I'm looking at the wooden paneled lodge i survive on because i linger off of every syllable you don't say like i linger off of every moment i don't spend in that room with you on the moon
I look at you like I look at the view from the boat when arriving each morning because i dissect every word that slips from your tongue like I dissect every detail of that island etching it into my brain the way i scrawled every detail of you into my mind, your rough hands, your tanned back, your blue eyes, and the curve of your lips, your coffee order, your taped up converse, your sunglasses, just you
I look at you like you are where I want to be 24/7 because thats what you remind me of

otm.

I only wrote your ending
Because.
It.
TEARS.
Me.
To.
SHREDS.
To think about your beginning.
I BECAME ACCUSTOMED TO YOU RIDING YOUR
OLD, BANGED UP BIKE ALONG THE STREET TO SEE ME EVERY MORNING AT 7:15 BECAUSE YOU WERE ALWAYS APPROXIMATELY 10 MINUTES LATE.
I WAS SO ******* HAPPY ALL THOSE DAYS WHEN WE SAT IN THE SLIVER OF SHADE TRYNG SO HARD TO STEAL JUST A TINY BIT OF PEACE!
I WAS HAPPIER THAT DAY YOU GAVE ME A BANDAID AND TOLD ME IT WOULD ******* BE OKAY WHEN WE BOTH KNEW MY WORLD WAS CRUMBLING AROUND ME.
and I never even told you a thing.
BUT YOU KNEW YOU ALWAYS KNEW!
YOU WERE ALWAYS A STEP AHEAD OF ME!
always knew me a little bit better than everyone else that I loved.
But thats the secret.
I took you for granted then.
I NEVER DID THAT AGAIN.
I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE BEEN MORE CONTENT THAN THE DAY MY HAIR WAS YELLOW AND I WAS A BOTTLE OF SUNSHINE AND
Y O U  WERE THE FROWN THAT POISONED MY PICTURE OF PERFECTION
and yet you smiled
you smiled for ME
you knew I was ******* happy and you smiled for me.
EVEN THOUGH YOU FELT LIKE ****
YOU  SMILED FOR ME
Y O U
SMILED
FOR
M E
Just to keep me happy.
and I loved you for that.
I love you for that.
I.
LOVED.
The way
YOU.
ALWAYS!
SMILED TO ME
I NEVER!
EVEN!
LEARNED
that you,
YOU OF ALL PEOPLE
had
a dark side until it
kissed me goodbye
on that late july day.
YOU WAVED ME GOODBYE
and I ******* COLLAPSED IN UTTER SHOCK.
because I never thought you would let her go
I NEVER THOUGHT YOU
YOU!
you would let ME go...
thinking about you makes
me cry sometimes
AND. I. HATE.  IT.
because for you, and for you alone
I
was
ALWAYS
strong.
YOU.
ONLY YOU.
taught
ME
to smile
and YOU
made ME
feel like
a bottle of sunshine
instead of a
rainy day in a glass

a thought of you is like an arrow,
it flies high but it hurts when it sinks in.

Sometimes
I wonder what you’d say
Would you walk away
and let me follow in your wake
laughing about the feeling of your
rain that kisses the curves of your tan softened face the way I wish I could,
the very rain that seeps into the laugh lines of your eyes, the rain pools that cut outs of your smile
would you let me linger in the decadence of your sarcasm
would you let me sit next to you while you laugh
In that way you lazy way you do
when you
lay back against the wooden
bench
Or would you hold me close,
close enough to smell your aftershave
and let me see your broken nails
and torn calluses
close enough to feel your stubble on my cheek and feel your breath on my jaw
close enough to put my hands around your back and feel the scars that reside just out of my reach
Would you let me avoid telling
the truth to myself and shut me
up like a gull at night, so peaceful until it reaches the peak where night is no longer dark, and suddenly a cacophony of  screeching worse than the alarms on the traditional alarm clock
or would you let me fall
onto an open-ended, double edged
question
sharper than a thumbtack and twice as rusty
Do I even have the courage to tell
you?
Or am I a molotav cocktail
and waiting until smashed to
crash and burn
Would you even let me open my
metal mouth and let my tongue
carve waves into your soul and tear you up
so you feel half as bad as i do
alone.
Would you let me read your
texts?
and ask me why she was upset?
or would you even come near me
I open my mouth to tell you
“Hey! I need to say something!”
“Yeah?”
“Gimmie a hand?”
You said okay.
that wasnt what I wanted to ask
but
You said okay
and smiled
like an empty glass of expired wine.