I estaba enamorado
No se how
pero one dia, yo fell
yo fell para tu
I vi en your eyes
y vi the world
Yo saw el possibilities
I vi el infinity of stars
hidden en tu eyes
an infinity of stars
Soy now trapped in

The embodiment of my demons is a boy
A boy not much older than I
But he holds all my demons in his eyes
Not without the deep dark abyss starting right back at me
An Abyss that swallows my words
and gives no response
I devours my sanity slowly
Every time I see them I remember
I am flooded with my demonic memories
once hopeful and happy
but corrupted by those eyes
Those eyes
That haunt me still
Even when I dont see them
I see them

If I had a friend with an earnest heart,
They would only desire for redemption;
Redemption from sins they hath never committed.
They would dream of touching heaven.
I would never wish on them the tears and pains
from the world of sighs in which we have grown.

Yet year to year they would face most disastrous chances,
The innocent will still be challenged by another insolent foe,
riddled with the dangers of a double edged tongue.
Tis the world we hath created.
Where the pure of heart are still question’d,
After the greedy invades their lives and corrupts.
Leaving their heart as if it were charcoal.

They will say ‘Twas strange’, ‘T’was pitiful’,
Their prayers will be said but not understood,
For they are said to often.
This deadly breach of sincerity,
Will let forth a purifying flood.
and I don’t expect many survivors.

She is clumsy
but on the outside
she is elegant

She is wise beyond her years
but on the outside,
She trips over her words

She has troubled thoughts
but on the outside,
She smiles

She is in love
but on the outside,
She cannot meet his gaze

She cries during any movie with emotion
but on the outside,
She is untouchable and cold-hearted

She is a hopeless romantic
but on the outside,
She is a lonely pessimist

She is a vulnerable girl
but on the outside,
all you can see is her walls

To describe how I felt

I will use one word

Uninterested

As we trudged through the words

He was so very excited

Wearing his red-rimmed bucket hat and fancy shoes

I was completely unprepared

with my fancy shows and long dress

we walked in the mud

I was uninterested

but it was an adventure

never the less

Step one: wait for a down pour even if it seems like forever

Step two: find someone you love

Step three: let your hair down, there is no need for effort

Step four: music that the world should never get rid of

Step five: an outfit you would where anywhere no matter the time or place

Step six: an open heart

Step seven: leave behind the straight face

Step eight: your smile is a work of art

Step nine: a good reason

Step ten: or not

Step eleven: most importantly dance because it is freeing feeling

Step twelve: dance because it brightens everyone's eyes, even if you are a big shot

Finally dance because you can be there for the rainbow after the storm.

What makes life worth living?
Love
Love that consumes everything it touches
Love that devours your soul
The look of love
That is plastered across the face
Of a groom as his bride walks down the aisle
The look of love that is returned to him
A look of unconditional love
The love that reminds you
you are worth loving

What makes life worth living?
Fear
Fear of being ripped away from your loved ones
Fear of sadness itself
The fear that darkens a heart
The fear that hinders you breath
As you face the all-encompassing
terror of the world
The fear that pulls you forward
And pushes you backward
The fear that reminds you
your heart is still beating

What makes life worth living?
Pain
Pain of being forgotten
Pain of solitude and not being able to fix it
The pain of teen heartbreak
Because it is always true love
The pain of knowing you have hurt someone
And nothing you say will change it
Pain that scars your skin
Pain that scars your heart
The pain that reminds you
you are capable of hurting
Because you are capable of being happy

What makes life worth living?

Love
Fear
Pain

Three words
Twelve letters
Infinity of reasons
And memories why
Life is worth living

I want to be inspired
I want to be moved
I want to be swept off my feet

But for now I'll wait

I am not waiting for a man to find me
I am waiting for an opportunity to run
to explore
and to search

for an inspiration
for a movement
and for a man
a man who is willing to let me sweep him off his feet
only then will I be content

So I will wait to run
Then run into my happiness along the way
Knowing me it will be an accident

Well where do I start

From the mean girl settings
that are ingrained into every high school girl's brain
that spews out in a constant fountain of negativity
unable to reconise their fatal flaws
and just how toxic they are
ingornant to the painful words that they spit at people behind their backs

To the brainless children who are waiting to be told what to think
snorting themselves half brain dead
empty and indifferent
to what will happen to their worlds
as the world decays
along with their brain cells
unable to care about the life they are wasting

from the overly nice fake smiling girls
who think it is important to be liked by everyone
forgetting the most important person's approval
is their own
working their whole life towards
an impossible goal
left with a fake smile and hundreds of people they barely knew standing over their coffin
but nobody crying

to the sad tear drunk teens
with nothing to do but to wallow
with no other way to express themselves
than the scares that cover their arms and legs
and as they slowly engulf their bodies
it will become an armor
something to hide behind
instead of living

What I am trying to say is
I don't want to be you
so stop trying to morph me into
the sick twisted barely human thing
that the world made you into

I can easily string words together
and a smile forms across your lips
the perfect image or feeling
appears in front of you

I can create an idealistic image
of people and choose to show those
glass half full point of views
but I do not believe in them

I struggle to see the beauty in humanity
when all I see around me
Is glass half empty people
with black spots on their hearts

That was my reality until
you
you lifted my heart
and filled my head with hopes
for what the world could be

So now I am trying
to see the black spots
and the blindingly golden ones
side by side
Because you make me believe
that humanity can be beautiful
if you let it

Swirling stardust
converging at one concentrated point
blues, purples, reds
colors of every shade
infinite space
filled will infinite possibilities
undiscovered, uncharted
waiting...
waiting to be found
an infinity of stars
waiting in your eyes

I couldn't even look you in the eyes
you left without a goodbye
you were gone without warning
I woke up to an empty house that morning
And I am still in mourning
I miss your snoring
you left so many loose ends
with no way to make amends
the worst part of it all
is that you treated me like a doll
and when you didn't want to play with me anymore
you put me back on the shelf and ignored me like a piece of decor
I was the best piece of decor you even had
So I have stopped being sad
And started being grateful
because next time they won't leave without a goodbye

You are the apparition
I see
As I walk the empty halls
Of my mind
An apparition
Of a long forgotten hope
That has etched itself
Onto my long forgotten dreams
You walk alongside a regal black cat with white paws
But sometimes its a small dog still learning to grow
You are the apparition
That appears when I am lonely
When I have no where else to go
But to dwell in the parts of my brain
I usually choose to avoid
Like a bolted door that falls open sometimes
Even though it's bolted for a reason
You are the apparition
That haunts my daydreams
Drowning in sunlight
Doused in gasoline
One match away from being gone forever
You are the apperition
Of an arkangel
I could never love
But loved anyways

It's in my hands now
For years I have sat back
Watched other fumble and fall
I have learned and grown
Yet I am still the only one
Who sees the blatant errors
In front of our faces
They are not being fixed
but danced around
Like tiptoeing to a problem won't
Stop it from radicalizing
these issues have been lelt to fester there is no other option
Other than to radicalize ourselves in protest
To insure the change will happen
To insure the future will be better

They come in waves
Riding along the currents
of my emotions
Waves of happiness
Waves of despair
Waves of being tired of being lonely
Waves of questioning my existence and impact on the world
Waves of tears
Waves of numbness
My emotions
come in waves
And their is no way to fight them
No trick to escape this riptide
These waves just take me farther and farther away
From who I want to be
They make me isolated
They make me flawed
They make me human

Conversations that do not require any words
Conversations that only require you to be emotionally present:
1. the lets be a thing talk
2.  I love you talk
3. the we need to end this talk
4. what are we talk
5. I am not fine talk
6. the lets make this a forever thing talk
7. I am lost talk
8. the I need help talk
9. the **** I just fell talk
10. but you already knew that didn't you

There are people
within the world
that I am learning to identify

someone who feels at home
while breathing in the air
of a thunderstorm
as the flashes of light
absorb into their skin
and the rain poures onto their hearts
they feel at peace

Someone who watches the fog
slowly roling in
and waits for the right moment
when everything is engulf
by the cold mist
with no ominous feeling
only the feeling of tranquitily
that was there from the begining

someone who lays in the spring grass
and is not afraid to role down a few hills
even though
they are allergic to spring grass
they admire the blooming flowers
as their heads spin
and the rest of their body increases speed
down a steep hill
until they crash and laugh away every care

There are poeple
with in this world
I am learning to hold onto

what's wrong with the phrase "what's wrong"
don't ask me that question
unless you want a truthful answer
but I know you don't
so don't ask

one step away from insanity
they say
one step away from sensibility
they say
my dreams are too far away
they say
I say
they are staring me in the face
I say
I am one step away
from being stuck
in grey box
I say
I am one step away
from new possibilities
they can't even imagine
in their grey boxes
they say
I say
while standing on the town line

Swing sets and sunsets
both leave a bittersweet taste in my mouth
yet I still go running back to them
those rusty chains that hold up my world
and the pastel hews that surround a glass memory
both could come crashing down at any moment
but here I am again
running with a hope-filled heart
That one day I will be able to feel
like I did on that swing
with the yellow fading into orange
fading into pink clouds
fading into two blue eyes
fading into my soul

I will continue to run
until that swing set falls
and the sunset fades away
into the empty darkness
of an endless night

Flashes of people
random people
I do not know them
A top hat
A tight bun
A woman in red
Neckties surrounding me
People get on carriages
as people get off
A crowded road
And one person watching
With nowhere to go
As the top hats rush to work
the tight bun stays firmly in place
as the owner moves quickly to her destination
The woman in red talks to a man and waits
People get on the carriages
as people get off
And I stand and watch
Not fitting in
Not standing out
Just existing

I failed to make one of the most important jumps
and now all I can do is fall
and I am about to hit the cold hard ground
but maybe when I do I can pick myself back up
or maybe I will shatter into a million pieces
or maybe someone will catch me
but right now all I can do is fall
and hope that I don't get the wind knocked out of me
again

I had a dream last night.
I dreamed of you
It has been so long since I had a dream
even longer since I dreamed of you
though I still think of you often
your eyes haven't invaded my dreams in a while

I used to dream you were walking next to me
to dream you smiled at me in the hall
to dream you tapped me on the shoulder
Like you used to do to tell me that you would be there for me when needed
That simple tap was our always
I used to dream of you to hold on to what I lost
and remember
how safe I felt

But last night I dreamed that you still loved me
That you still tapped me on the shoulder as you passed
I fell all over again
Then my eyes opened
I remembered and let go
because it hurt even more than before

For the heartless
You were once head over heels
And maybe they loved you too
But they clipped your wings
And charred your heart
So now you reside
In the dark parts of a crowded room
With eyes glazed over
a movie replaying in your mind
Of a memory
you wish you could forget
But if you wait
You will find someone
With a movie
The frost behind your eyes will thaw
And new growth will emerge
From the volcanic ash that is your heart
As they restore you halo
This is a message
A warning
A public safety announcement
For the heartless

You only have to smile at me
And the crinkles around your eyes
Make me fall
Your light is infectious
And I am disease riden
I am weightless in your presence
You are my disease and cure
you only have to smile
For my soul to be saved

Cool humidity
Clouds holding high expectations
and high volumes of water
the smell of nothing
laced with everything
the tension builds as the sky grows darker
it finally breaks when the first drop of cool water falls onto your face
Within minutes you are chasing the rain
and running from it at the same time
you are dancing the tango with the long-anticipated rain
and your emotions melt into placid tranquility

I fall a lot
sometimes people laugh
sometimes people help me up
but I tie my shoes every day
but it has never stopped me from falling

I have been over thinking
I have been over-analyzing
about if a glance is just a glance
or if it is a ten-minute stare
that I happened to notice
the last awkward seconds of
or just you staring off into space
nowhere in particle
on one in particle
was it a strategic move
made by the boy across the classroom
or was it an instance
that you looked in my general direction
and made unwanted eye contact
does that smile mean anything
was it you being polite
after this weird encounter
or was it a friendly invitation
to talk to you
someone who has been unattainable
for so long
you have not smiled at me
in three years
so what does this smile mean
I have been over thinking
I have been over-analyzing
about the moments
that we share and shared
out past and present
though there was not much of either
they replay in my mind
and the ability to shut off my brain disappears
what can I say you make me over think
you make me over-analyze
you make my mind go haywire

Yellows
Pinks
Greens
Blues
Autumn leaves
roads leading somewhere new
pine trees lining the path
the glistening water of a lake
brush strokes
that part the clouds
so that the sunshine can guide me

A spotlight was on us

the sun dimmed and only shined on us

Her white dress popped with accents of orange

The people in the background fall way

And I was no longer looking through my own eyes

I was watching us dance

My navy suit pulled close her dress

She avoids my stare

She is beautiful

She is so focused on the dance

The imaginary spotlight faded

with the imaginary music

but we didn't stop dancing

And we never will

I can finally see the pieces of myself scattered on the floor
I understand why I can give perfect advice but never follow it myself
I understand why I can't breather half the time
why I don't allow myself to love anyone
why I can never be vulnerable infront of anyone
why I am lost waiting for a someday that will never happen
Because I finally realize that I am broken
and I need help
but I will never admit it
until someday comes

Word ***** in my brain
The constant free flowing river of thoughts
Never landing on one solid idea
But always having at least one person
Rowing down in a cute little row boat
Cutting through the rushing water
Appearing vividly clear


Then I realize I'm blushing
And can't stop

a look that warmed the heart of the other
a smile that assures everything will be alright
eyes filled with wonder
a look that can be easily misunderstood
but not easily forgotten
the look of someone falling
falling so hard
that the rest of the world fades

In my dreams,
Barefeet are a common occurrence
as hopeful grown children dance, smiles like sunbeams

In my nightmares,
I hide from all that I hide from the world
running from it all I refuse to shed any tears

In my dreams,
I let my mind drift into my wildest delusions
delusions of flawless moments with blue eyes and swing sets, it seems

In my nightmares,
I am left alone in a dark room
abandoned after people pick pieces of me that they believe is theirs

In my dreams,
reality is a word defined by the mind that controls it
Wonder fills the eyes of everyone like moonbeams

In my world,
there is a line in which I walk shakily
a line which separates complete darkness and an awe-filled dreamworld

In my reality,
I dance in the moonlight that shines through my kitchen windows
blue eyes smile at my red-rimmed glasses and new haircuts
In my reality, I wouldn't trade anything for even the best dreams

There is a thin line between delusional and hopeful
Most people fall into the worse category

Being hopeful is what leads to being delusional
Delusional is what happens when someone holds onto hope for far too long

Hope is a tool used against one's self
Delusions are an escape from reality

Hope is a memory that keeps you moving forward
Delusions are what keep you stuck in a period of time

Hope is created by a glance across a room
Delusions are a whole created by yourself in which everything is filled with wonder

Hope is taken away easily in the worst kind of ways
Delusions almost never leave you and when they do it is after years of daydreams

I will let you choose which is worse

They are the stardust they walk upon
They are the stardust that we praise so much
Light almost dwindling
But vibrant, beautiful and unpredictable all at the same time
They work in mysterious ways that we cannot comprehend just yet
They may not seem to be there, as their mind charts forgotten stars
But their presence is remembered long after they have left, like the sun
If not in an image, in a feeling
The feeling of stardust sparkling in your eyes
and the need to wonder in the remnants of the stars in the sky

A hazy swingset
A pair of blue eyes
and a pair of brown eyes
both looking away
until one has the courage to speak
the words weren't important
but the look
that was given as a reply
said everything that words
couldn't explain in that moment
it was the look of someone falling in love

we are only human
we are only imperfect
we are only our ambitions
we are only our fears
we are only labels
we are only defined by people who don't know us
we are only different minds that form one
we are only unique counterparts
we are only wonderful
we are only intelligent
we are only who we are

Hell hath no fury
Like a brilliant woman scorned
It is best to run

******* I hate myself
I have worked for years trying to be a good person
To now realize I have failed

******* I hate who I have become
I have allowed myself to be exactly what I despise
A close minded inconsiderate person

******* I hate who I am when I am with you
Where do I go from here
I have so much work to do to regain the person I was

******* I am rebuilding myself from ground up
This time it won't be a house of cards

the smoke
like smog
that rises into the air
in a dimly light room
after someone blows out their birthday candles
that is what I wish upon

the breeze
that carries
the dandelion seeds
to their new homes in the ground
that is what I wish upon

every star
that is not flying
across time and space
across my bedroom window
that is what I wish upon

the beautiful eyes
of every wonderful person
I have ever pasted on a crowded street
with a smile in their eyes and an open hand
that is what I wish upon

the smaller side of a wishbone
every other minute in the day
besides eleven eleven.
that is what I wish upon

words used to communicate
words used between soulmates
weaponized words
with soulful meanings
twisted and altered
till they seem slaughtered
words used to fill growing space
to distract you from the lack of embrace
words used in life-changing conversations
that have been carved in your heart and brain
words that don't have to be said
so simple that they cannot be misread
words bring life to a dreary world
but words aren't always simple and easy to convey
sometimes you have to write around their meanings
hide them behind metaphors till they are almost deceiving
like life words are complicated
they are used in too many ways

Guilt eats away at our souls
and sometimes we eat away at guilt
though the bites it takes out of us
are always more significant then the bites we take out of it
guilt will devour you
before you have time to nibble away at it
guilt will engulf your soul
gnawing at it until there is nothing left but blackened coal
till you have no other choice
but to give in to your inner demons
because they fuel your guilt
and they never fade
and they can't be nibbled at
they remain forever
even after your soul is gone
your demons are everlasting

Destined to find one another ever so rarely
Hurtling away
hurtiling towards
running away
running towards
it is by choice
Or is it just the gavitaional pull of the universe
forever orbiting
waiting for the day
when the orbits become too close
and we carsh
or when the exploding star dies
and we can finally orbit each other