I have decided Maybe out of self pity Maybe out of loneliness I am cursed to only every write drafts Never to address the ****** letters Never to let the man I love truely know how I feel For I am fearful and sure of the facts And one of those abominable facts is that he does not love me And he never will Maybe one day I can break this curse But that day is not today
Sweaty palms backing up slowly eyes staring at me curious questions ringing in my ears simple answers with complicated explanations half-truths to avoid saying what I mean because to say what is in my head could ruin everything but once just once I said the whole truth those eyes replied with a smile and a simple answer only containing three words but with a very complicated explanation
We sit opposite of one another Across a crowded room You stare at my eyes Hoping to hold my gaze I avoid this action As well as I can We are in a crowded room yet it feels like only me and you We never speak Not with words But our actions are just as confusing We dare not break our silence Because the silence is deafening But speaking is fatal We can never recover from either And we were doomed the day we met
I’m in love… I’m in love with him I’m in love with the memories with a daydream with the boy who was and the man he could be with a swingset and with a coincidence with a day with a fateful meeting with long soulful talks and with a forever but… I’m being suffocated by the possibilities by memories by the mistakes by what was and what could have been by a forever that will never be by the hope of that forever by the need to let go because I have to let go but… I don’t want to but I need to
A coincidence... No, a clandestine meeting... No, not that one either, an encounter laced with star-crossed cliques, when a pair of blue eyes met a pair of brown eyes
To the girl with sky painted across her room Filling the space with light fluffy clouds Clouds dancing across her brain Filling her with new thoughts Remember those joyful thoughts
To the girl who has two people Two of her people They are the people she goes to When she needs it the most Hang on to them Two of YOUR people is better than a hundred people
To the girl who’s family doesn’t talk They don’t talk about the hard things Not because they don’t matter But they don’t want you to worry Little did they know Now you can’t talk when you need to
To the girl who’s grandmother is dying You have prepared You have always known how this will end You have convinced yourself that you have dealt with it But you are still terrified of the missing space She will leave behind once she is truly gone
To the girl crying as she reads this Let it out Let in all the fluffy white clouds They will be your salvation Storm clouds will only be around for as long as they roll by Storms end
To the girl that needs to hear this It’s okay to not always be strong Let down your walls when your ready But living without anyone really knowing you Leaves you even more vulnerable Learn to lean on others And get up when the ones who didn’t work out drop you
To the girl that is me Just keep breathing Keep relying on them Keep distracting yourself But live and love like the world is crumbling around you Take risks
It is scary how much a tap on the shoulder can mean to someone The different feelings that can rush through someone's body after just a tap It can be reassurance that someone is there for you It can mean the ever gloomy We need to talk And it can be a symbol For young love A tap on the shoulder Can mean the difference between a life long connection Or someone you used to know
You might never get to hold my kin Maybe I will be like you and carry twins You might never meet the man standing opposite me down the aisle And I might never get to see you two share a smile You might miss my graduation For all these selfish thoughts I await damnantion
Though I can control this clever rhyme I believe I'm running out of time because there is one thing I can't manipulate which seems to be your expiration date I don't know the exact time or day but I will be here until doomsday
I write when my depression hits from functional to hollow with in minutes They say an artist becomes an artist when they suffer so there is never a better time to write and gain respect from others when you don't even respect yourself So I write my best work when I am the most numb