You only have to smile at me
And the crinkles around your eyes
Make me fall
Your light is infectious
And I am disease riden
I am weightless in your presence
You are my disease and cure
you only have to smile
For my soul to be saved

My curse is falling for those
Who could never love me

A cycle of destruction
Of self loathing

To remind myself that
he will never love you

For he still loves her

I think I fell again
It's never on purpose I swear
my heart is insane
Once again I am starting to tear

I have to sit by and watch
As time flys by and you move on
I will be staring at my wristwatch
Once again I will slowly become more withdrawn

This time will be worse
I know how I feel and what will occur
I can't help feeling like I'm cursed
because we all know who you prefer

Once again she is not me
I am not her
I will not be picked, on that I think we can agree
So I will work as my own silencer

Once again I will stand in the background
Supporting you as much as I can
with my heart drowned
wishing my heart had stuck to the plan

Once again its too late
I am left standing alone
feeling as if its fate
I just wish I had known

That you like him too
but you didn't even know
So once again I will try not to be blue
I try to turn it into the sunshine glow

I find myself here
escaping my world
venting my stress
putting my raw emotions
onto the pages on this site

yet the poems
that mean the most
are private
Its just another excuse
to not be vulnerable
to anyone, even strangers

while away from my screen
I am angered by the endless
reasons why people are not honest
bold
confident
loving or
vulnerable

how am I any better
I am just as a afraid
but better at hiding it
I guess thats just another excuse

It's in my hands now
For years I have sat back
Watched other fumble and fall
I have learned and grown
Yet I am still the only one
Who sees the blatant errors
In front of our faces
They are not being fixed
but danced around
Like tiptoeing to a problem won't
Stop it from radicalizing
these issues have been lelt to fester there is no other option
Other than to radicalize ourselves in protest
To insure the change will happen
To insure the future will be better

I can finally see the pieces of myself scattered on the floor
I understand why I can give perfect advice but never follow it myself
I understand why I can't breather half the time
why I don't allow myself to love anyone
why I can never be vulnerable infront of anyone
why I am lost waiting for a someday that will never happen
Because I finally realize that I am broken
and I need help
but I will never admit it
until someday comes

Word ***** in my brain
The constant free flowing river of thoughts
Never landing on one solid idea
But always having at least one person
Rowing down in a cute little row boat
Cutting through the rushing water
Appearing vividly clear


Then I realize I'm blushing
And can't stop