Brooke Bello

Brooke Bello Jun 2014

My cross

That one time we were kissing
And the cross around my neck
Started to interfere.
I should have known.

But instead I let you tell me to take it off
And I complied.
And that cross wasn't the only thing I took off.

Brooke Bello May 2014

To love me.

I stood there with you in the cold
Your jacket enveloped me
I had to roll up the sleeve just to interlock my fingers with yours
You notice my hand starting to freeze
And it only made you hang on tighter

You stand by my side the entire night
Chatting as if we have known each other our whole lives
I tried to leave you
to see if you would follow
It turns out
The few seconds apart were the worst of the night

You walk around introducing me as my girl
I wonder if you really mean what you say
I wish I could call myself your girl

Your shaking hand grasps my stray hairs
Delicately placing them behind my ear.
I taste your lips against mine
And suddenly our surroundings disappear

I don't know how you do it
Make me feel so loved and wanted
Without actually loving (maybe just wanting) me

I know this started out
As a one night thing
But here we are 4 months later
Me wanting you
to love me.

Brooke Bello May 2014

Goodbye.

You said see you later
but all I heard was goodbye
I let myself cry every night
I was scared to leave for school
Fear of crying in front of someone you've just met

Everyone was rooting for us
and you let me leave
You let me let go
You let me move on

I tried to find someone to replace you
a new best friend
a new lover

I wound up with fake smiles
unknown names
a pregnancy scare

I was fake
I wasn't real
I was used

I was the girl i used to be
I was the worst version of me

I can't let you back in
because you don't want this version of me
You don't want fake
You don't want unreal
You don't want used

You want me back now
but you don't know me like this
You wouldn't want this

So now I have to say goodbye
because I care about you enough to know you deserve more than this
because I love you
if only you wouldn't have said see you later
this wouldn't be *goodbye

Brooke Bello May 2014

Only Sometimes.

I don't know how I can love that
the fighting
the drinking
the smoking

I don't know what to do about it
I know you need me
but I need me too

but you're the only one who has loved me right
you're the only one who has showed me true love
you're the only one who has cared enough to not let me go

sometimes I think
I just want to be loved by you
forever

And then I remember
that you will never change
and I won't either

so maybe we were never meant to be.

Brooke Bello May 2014

Stand Up, Don't Stand Out.

Why are you in the middle of this?

Why?
Why?
WHY?

you remember the day
make that days
the days i came home crying
the mean girl at school
the teacher I couldn't catch a break with
the friend that turned her back
the boy that broke my heart
the brother that put me down

every single one of those days
I wished
I prayed
for someone
anyone
to help me
to be on my side
to stick up for me just this once

and my friend gets hurt
almost in tears
and you expect me to sit around?
to not say anything

they teach you that not standing out
thats bullying too
but what they really mean is
only stand out if you can't get hurt either
only stick up for someone
if you are safe

what kind of standing out is that?
its the kind that leads you right back to where you started
the kind that wishes for help
and never gets it

Brooke Bello May 2014

Next to You.

My problem is
I fall when there is no one to catch me
I turn nothing
Into something
To feel like someone cares

But with you it is different
I went into it
Holding onto the railing for dear life
Not allowing myself to fall

And it worked.

Almost.

Until the night
We danced with each other
both of us just as uncoordinated as the other
We sang to each other
but thank God the stereo was too loud to actually hear my voice
We laid next to each other
smiling without words
And I slept in your arms
actually being comfortable enough to sleep
and not wanting to leave in the morning

I've started to think about life
and what my life could look like with you

I'm starting to think
that might be where I want to be
next to you
smiling
forever.

Brooke Bello Jan 2014

Just one Reason.

Don't come up behind me
and expect me to be yours.
Don't hold my waist
so our hips move as one.
Don't push my hair behind my ear.
Give me a reason to kiss you.

Don't whisper in my ear
Come to my room
Don't slyly put your hands
in places they shouldn't be.
Don't manipulate my drink
to get me the way you want me.
Give me a reason to want you.

Don't ask me out on dates
while seeing another girl.
Don't pay for my dinner
if your heart isn't sincere.
Don't say nice things
you will never mean.
Give me a reason to love you.

Don't tell me about forever
when your mind is stuck on one night.
Don't make any promises
if you can't hold them right.
Don't tell me things are perfect
when that's far from the truth.
Give me a reason to say *I do