I am honest but I lie to myself.
I am vain & I am intolerant.
I am an active advocate of my morals
but I am unsure that they exist.
I am not convinced my friends know me-
I am not convinced that I know me.
Sometimes I laugh all day long
& then I cry myself to sleep.
I worry there are too many thoughts inside my head.
I worry I don’t think enough.
I call myself complex
but I am so simple on Saturdays.
I do not have a favorite anything
nor do I have a soft spot for anyone.
However, all I am is soft on certain Sundays.
I’ve been fearless & I’ve been terrified both on a Friday.
I answer “no” & then do it anyway.
I don’t believe in love but I fall in and out of it
as you think out loud.
I am consumed with emotion.
I am numb.
I like the way the sun feels against my skin
but I sit in the shade.
I am compassionate
& I hate everyone.
I am a wallflower
but I am obnoxious.
I quit smoking months ago
but *** me a cig & watch me inhale it.
I am 8 & I am 18 & I am 80 in an hour.
I cant do math in my mind
but I subtract you from
and add you to the equation twice every week.
I’ll pick you apart for hours
& then tell you that you have weak values.
I am a diagnosed insomniac
but I can sleep from 6am to 6pm on a Monday.
I preach self-love with bleeding wrists.
I will call you in the middle of the night
& then ignore you in the morning.
I am the most clear minded psychopath who ever lived.
I am so incredibly happy & so terribly sad.

I don’t fall in love with people’s words.
I fall in love with their lack of words.
I fall in love with those moments of pure frustration
when you clench your jaw and lower your head.
I fall in love with those moments of absolute awe
when you bite your lip and widen your eyes.
I fall in love with confusion and the way
you release it into nonsense that I have to decode.
I fall in love with embarrassment & your rosy, red skin as you fumble to think.
I fall in love with fear; the way you stare at a blank screen on your phone,
occasionally running your thumbs over it like a security blanket;
they won’t ask you questions if you look busy.
I fall in love with the different ways you learned to tie your shoes.
I love just watching how some people do knots and some do bows
and I like to imagine their mothers kneeling beside them
& guiding their fingers through the lace.
I love the way your face goes pale when something pains you.
I love the way you get silent when you think too much
and how your best friend sits beside you, and tries not to make it obvious.
I love the way you smoke your cigarette like it’s the last you’ll ever have
& the way you choke back tears.
But, even more, I love the face you make when you finally let them out.
I love the apathy in your voice when you don’t feel like following the crowd
& the way you’re so passive with suggestions but never admit you don’t want to be here.
I love the way you cover your own eyes with the palm of your hand
during the scary scenes, even though you can just close them.
I love the way your head bobs forward when you’re trying to stay awake
& the way you curl it into your shoulder when you give up & succumb to sleep.
I love the way you sigh when you’re disappointed
and the way you try to hide that smile
when you hear good news for the first time in a long time.
I love the way you fall into the beat of a song you like
and the way you block your ears to that **** you hate.
I love the way you stuff your hands in your pockets when you’re cold
and clench your stomach when you’re hungry.
I love the way you describe love.
I love the way you think you’re in it.  
I love the way you walk when you’re in a hurry.
I love the way you yawn and the way you sneeze.
I love the way you laugh when nothings funny.
I love the way you hide your scars behind your sleeves.
I love the way you look away from me.
I don’t fall in love with what people show me.
I fall in love with what they are hiding.