i read an article on the asymmetrical nature
of internal organs including, but not limited to
the nature of the heart

and how the body folds in over itself so
many times as it forms.
how outwardly being able
to sense things on both side of the body is crucial, so
we are to have two legs, two arms, two ears, two eyes--

but the heart was on the inside,
with less pressure to be two,
mattering less as to where it was
distributed--more likely to be
a mess,

would i have been better with two
hearts-- one on each sleeve?
to sense things on both sides, would i
have been more aware, more transparent, or
more dense, with the capacity for much, for
much--

or would i have been
overwhelmed with the novelty
of each person i meet, which I often feel anyway
as if i should tuck them away
and seek out promises to
keep them stolen into
the one, singular *****
that I have?

I should have been born with two--
either way, the unevenness of it all, you can't fix
the broken with the same crooked hands,
I am not at all symmetrical
I do not sense with both sides of my body
not at all with my heart
I have acted on an imbalance and hoped
the sullied appearance of such a vigorously beating thing
rough and on it's own would
speak volumes but it does not
and has not.

you said bad guy
like it was inevitable
as if the amount of
things said against
you
made an awful lie
true, as if a town with
zero know-how had
gotten inside,
you
said you had to stick
around to show it didn't phase
you, didn't want to be held
because maybe that's not what
good guys do.

maybe you're right. good men
have run further,
and if you're still falling then
wait for the ground,
but you'd be silly to
think you're
anything but a man
who wants to best
or deserves the best
and if you have to
hide it then hide it,
fake it if you have to
fake it but you're
too warm to
talk like that
there's no ice
in you yet
just a breeze
just a season

**** it, should stop even trying to
be the good guy

but that's not true,
because if it's not me
it will be someone else
twice as lovely with a
better heart probably,
the way i wanted to
be or thought i could be

that's not true,
you're too good, a little rusted
salvaged from a bunker in penrose
but you shine up real nice,
you're kinda pretty
i said and you smiled
like you used to,
but *that's true

you're too beautiful
to be the villain
have you seen the
gems they dredge up
from the earth?
covered in soot and grime,
a thousand years of soil
they don't sell for much
but lord if they ain't
the most gorgeous
things you ever seen
dandelion yellow
pine green,
the kind of
oranges you wouldn't imagine

and if i could ever make
you believe a single thing
again it'd be that you're
some kind of sunday-morning
leave the weeds for another day
kinda feel, sweet corn and barley
Rest my head on the window and
let
Just
*let

truth is
i'd prolly
still pull your
coat strings, kiss
you if you showed
up but we both know
you won't,

push off your hat
tell me you don't want
to hear my heartbeat

tell me you don't
want that.

he doesn't read these
anymore but who does?
i've always communicated
the best through silence

drafted out a couple i miss you's
but who's gonna receive them?
keep pushing it out a little farther
to see how long I can make it,
and every day it's a little longer
you gotta make it hurt
while she leaves
and tough draw kid
well, those were the right words
and i'm okay now that i've
really ground it into the dirt
and woke up this morning
pretty much done with
just about everything
said fine, God, you've got me
and I still don't really want to
listen but know better than to
talk back, even daddy
didn't take no ****
so I know he ain't gonna neither

well i drifted pretty far
cause the wind takes light
things easily, so i aim to
be heavy as all the ocean's
water but still as small as
i can be, no i don't want to
be no big thing,
let me fall back into the way
it's supposed to be,
when I was okay with
growin' up the walls
finding the cracks
when i spoke with
roses on my breath
i know she's still there
cause i still call them flowers babies
and the daisies, sweethearts
please grow, i tell them.
please don't die,
i whisper.  yeah,
she's still here.