Phoenix

Phoenix Sep 2019

When sometimes that I feel lost, confused, hurt.

~I try my very best to get along with everyone that I once knew in my whole heart.
Sometimes, I don't want to move on just yet.
Bit I have to let it go.
They just don't know me at all.
I just need to breathe.
I always get to worry all the time.
I just don't know why?
My heart always been broken.
I have one problem after another.

I just with that I just fix all of my mistakes,
but all that the people I once Knew,
just blocked me away.
It just not going to solve anything.
I just wish that their's another way.
They just want to shut my out...
I just guess that life doesn't matter to me anymore.

A few years ago...
Even though it forever.
I once knew a girl that she was my best friend
that she was a sister to me,
At least that I got to talk to her a little bit.
I gave her a graduation present a few months ago
before she left.
Then a while later,
she blocked me.
I felt so confused and lost
I never ever wanted to hurt anyone.

'Sometimes that I always thinking that people are saying to my head in thought like, "Go **** yourself" I don't know why that I thought of that.

I always thinking that I'm always alone in my heart. That people that doesn't understands me anymore. People that I once knew that doesn't know my past stories, They don't know what happened to me.

People breaks promises to me and it hurts a lot. I just don't understand. I just want to get along with everyone that I see.

I just bet that the people that I once knew that won't see this, the ones i knew in my heart. It feels what they are saying to me, "I am glad that I ruin your life and no one cares about you. Go jump off of a cliff... and others that I don't want to say.."

My head been thinking these things over and over and I am sick of this ****!!!! I just don't know why am I here in this world anymore?? My life is here for no reason for what it looks like........

I see why I am still feeling this way.. Thinking of my past is still inside of my head... It just don't want to stop.. I hate this feeling.. It's eating me alive...

Phoenix Sep 2019

my pain past;

"Never Change
Always be yourself
you are the best friend
a person can have.
Love yourself, be yourself
for you are beautiful
beyond skin deep.
I'll never Will forget you."
My ex best friend put this
in my yearbook in high school,
it was a lie and i feel pain and lost..
still....

I still never forget those words, in my head... My life will never will be the same.....

Never............

As I am still trying... I will never will stop until i will die... That a serious promise...

Phoenix Sep 2019

facing reality;

'You and me
We used to be together..
Everyday together always
I really feel
that I'm losing everything.
I can't believe
That everything had ended,
It looks like that you moved on,
And if it is Reality?
Well.... I don't want to know....

Phoenix Aug 2019

losing control;

I feel cold,
I can't see what I am doing,
I am losing energy,
I feel pain inside,
I can't control my emotions,
I can't help that I am losing control.

Phoenix Aug 2019

anonymous;

~~~
No one sees the pain,
No one who I really am,
Everyone that I hold dearly,
They see me in a different personality,
Online, I am a different,
The real me is what I am from the inside,
Not the outside,
Sometimes that not everything about me,
I might never know what I really am,
When I feel darkness inside of me,
That give me pain....
~~~

Phoenix Jul 2019

nothing;

~~~
I feel nothing,
I feel sad,
I feel empty in my life,
Alone that I am still mostly,
It's pain inside of me,
I am tired of feeling like this,
How can I get through this,
When I am alone mostly,
I am tired of everything,
Mentally and physically,
I don't know how long I will last,
I am wishes everyday that I have
Someone with me 24/7,
Mentally for me is that I am hurt all the time,
Physically is that I feel like a burden to everyone,
I just feel nothing....
~~~

Phoenix Jul 2019

trapped;

~~~

My mind feels confused,
I feel so lost that I just feel trapped,
I can't see anything but darkness
It hurts so much,
I don't see how people get out of it,
But I can't get out of my own madness,
Feels like more than madness,
It feels like hell.
-S.M 2019

~~~