~~~
I am so tired of everything,
I been suffering,
I been crushed,
I been defeated,
I been feeling weak,
My emotions are weak,
My life is a wreak,
I feel like no one understands,
My heart's been broken,
My mind is lost and confused,
I feel like that I can't take it anymore,
I need someone just to comfort me,
I don't get them often,
I feel like that I am in a cage,
And I can get out,
I don't know where I am at,
It dark and scary,
I can't see anything,
My tears that I can't control,
It hurts,
It hurts so much,
I just want the pain to go away,
I can't stop the pain,
I can't stop thinking about it,
Because it hurts so much,
My nightmares continues to haunts me,
I want it to stop,
Make it stop,
I can't breathe,
I am trying to get out of it,
But it makes it worse,
I try to ask for help,
I hear people in my mind,
Like they are saying,
'I am busy, I am working now.'
'Can't you see that I am talking to someone else?!?!'
'You are a waste of space, leave me alone!!!'
'You just want attention don't you!?'
'You deserve this! Cause you hurt me, you wasted my life!'
'You don't deserve to have friends. I made you this way so just die!!!'
So that is what I am hearing in my head,
My nightmares still haunts me,
I just want it to stop,
It hard to speak louder to let people know that I am a problem,
I feel like that,
No one sees my silences,
I feel now is that I'm a problem,
Because I am a burden...
~~~

I am a mess,
I can't stop feeling like this,
My loneliness that I can't even bear it,
no one had seen my suicidal side of me,
I would something that i don't want to do,
because of my own isolation,
My room is a mess,
like me,
My depression leads something worse,
I feel so weak and numb..

I been trying to hard to get over my problems,
It just hard when someone lets me down,
People tells me that everything is going to be okay,
But I am still not okay for over 17 years of my mental life that I been through,
I been broken since I was 4,
I was a broken doll that was mentally in pain,
Trying to forget everything,
Nothing much to help me,
I don't know what to do anymore,
Trying to make friends is hard,
Trying to get along with my family is hard,
Trying to have my relationship with everyone in my life is hard,
I feel lost and broken

~~~~~~
When someone hurt you,
and it took them long enough
to make it up and hurt for a long time,
it too late when I had been broken,
I been causing myself worse than anyone thinks,
Like thinking what I shouldn't do,
I feel like a disappointment,
Feeling like a worthless toy to been thrown away,
feeling jealous that I don't have much in life,
I can't help it when I am like that,
just don't have people in real life to support me,
I don't know if I am worth anything..
~~~~~~

no matter what happens,
their will be bad people...
that will hurt others,
or you or me,
nobody in this world made perfect,
because everybody has
their own problems.

when someone wanted to change for the better,
they need to be what they should be,
Sometimes what I think that not a lot of people changes,
Some people does for their better input,
It could be worse for you/me,
or it would be good,
It wouldn't help you to be better when someone hurt you,
people need to change if they want to,
I think that in my life experiences,
you got half the chance that they will or won't change,
You might be just lucky if they would,
to me I wouldn't known what I would call it.
It depends on them.

confusion,
pain,
hurt,
crying for help,
no one could hear me.