I wish that I just move on from the past,
But someone that I know won't,
they hurt me too many times for no reason,
I just wish that person can just move on,
I just don't know why things happens to me,
I just feel hurt too many times.
I am just done with them for good!

Sometimes that I feel everyday that I am losing myself little by little...
I can't explain myself because that it sad for people with mental problems like me have to go through a lot just to stay strong..
but not in a healthy way...
Because I am still alive but not eating right because of my eating disorder...
I don't sleep great because of everything that I been though...
I don't look as good because I am losing confidence and self-esteem...
I have no friends physically because of my trust issues...
and I don't talk much...
I have to go out in public some because I am helping my sick grandmother...
I can't handle crowds...
I am trying to hold it for so long...
I stayed in my room because I feel safe from the Reality...
I am Broken from the people that hurt me and betrayed me.
It feel like forever that I just want to be free....

I'm a late person. To be honest,
Feeling like that I am drained, but can't sleep,
The reason why that I will just cry,
I get horrible nightmares,
That i just have flashbacks
From the people that hurt me
The ones that made me suffered,
The ones that bullied me,
The ones that made me weak,
The ones that called me horrible names behind my back,
Also the worst of it all is the ones that made me naive to them.
I am just tired and i had tried to sleep,
But i can't....
It just so hard to deal with.

Living a lie makes everything worse,
seeing the truth makes me want to leave,
getting hurt by everyone,
I feel torment,
getting distress by my anxiety,
makes me feel weak,
so much grief in my past,
that I can't be happy,
I have so much weight on my shoulders,
no one even knows the hell i been through.

I wonder how the ocean will feel like,
I wonder how painless it feels,
I wonder how beautiful it is,
I wonder if I will see the day will come,
My emotions would be better,
I wished it everyday,
Wish to be happy,
But it hard when I am in still a cage,
I almost escaped once,
I failed..
I been dragged back and it double locked,
If I tried again it could feel worse.
Like I would be *******,
It would make it even harder than before,
I just want to be free,
Just like the Ocean..
To be free.

nothing simple anymore,
i am trying,
it hard,
why am i like this,
do i hurt people,
do i blame myself..
without thinking of it,
well I don't know why I am like this,
I am just what I am..

My personally is nothing,
like I just don't know what I am,
do i feel like this everyday,
am i selfish that much,
i don't know...
that the point,
I will never know....