I am here again,
at the cut end of the rope
lost myself
so i started going down down down
found myself where I was
few months ago
how do I cope?
forgot where i go again
i don't want to fall
fall deeper into this depression.

I'm back,
aren't you glad to see me
write again
you know what this means
don't act silly
you know i am sad again
so here i am
have a cheer
tell me your glad i'm here.

You took me by surprise
when you told me you loved me

It was dawn
and my eyes were heavy
your arms wrapped around me
and your soft eyes carelessly staring
into mine

You brought me closer and with
the tips of your fingers you
moved the stranded hairs away
from my face
you kissed my loose lips
and with soft whispers
you said

"i love you now , and ill love you tomorrow
and ill remind when you need
reassurance that ill never leave you
alone not ever my dear I promise you that"

as the sun arised and i brushed
the sleep from my eyes
you looked at me
and smiled.

I don't think I am sad , nor mad , not even a bit happy.
I'm not quite sure why people do the things they do.  
and I'm not sure why people love , or even know what love is. As I've sat here and thinking I knew everything about love and people , I sit here with a pit in my stomach. I feel like crying but I don't know what for. You say you love me , but I'm not sure when you do. Can you be with someone who is unsure about everything? who they are and life in general? Did I make a mistake giving my fragile heart to a boy I am unsure of.  I want to fall asleep and live in the dreams where life is how id like it to be, where I was sure of everything, where I knew I loved you and you loved me, where I knew myself .

If you knew me ,
you'd know I don't like to eat
because ill throw it all up anyways.  

If you knew me,
you'd know that I don't trust
easily because i gave my heart
to a boy who just wanted my
body.

If you knew me,
you'd know I think about
dying often because I constantly
feel drained and worthless
just some skin a bones.

If you knew me,
you'd know I love you
with every inch of me that's left
but I don't want to because you
might hurt me.

You don't know me,
so why would you take a bullet
for me , for someone you do not
know.  For someone you think
you might love.. for someone you
promised forever    
knowing promises are meant
to be broken and that is why
they are made.

Going out is always so fun
especially with friends
close friends or strangers
good vibes and good drinks

we'll get drunk
get drunk and watch the stars
and we'll lie in the middle of the
street as you think
the person you're with is your
best friend for the moment
and life is good
life is good for the moment

until take 1 .. 2 ... 3 more shots
and you swear you are fine
because you're still laughing and
nothing seems to be getting in
the way
except you take the 4 shot and
you see him..
the one that got away
the ex- lover that is happy
with someone else
and you start to feel empty
and your smile turns a bit
crooked and your face is emotionless
and your surroundings turn into
oceans of tears
you're not quite sure why
you are crying it why
you even feel this
way ..

you just know he doesn't love
you and you are not his
and he isn't drowning in
tears for you
he's fine , he's happy
perfectly okay

without you.

I never met a more
beautiful boy with the
purest heart and the purest
soul .

Even on your worst days
the crooked smile upon your
face made you beautiful
and I could never help but to
gaze at what I got to call
mine.

My veins were your map
leading to my heart
taking in every touch
as your fingers ran up and
down my spine

We never said the three
words most lovers would
say to each other ,
but we didn't have to

we were different
I knew you loved me
from the expression
of your face and the
look in your eyes and
the way your hands
explored my careless
body

I knew every morning
you'd be there by my side
and I knew you'd never leave
purposely because you loved me

..
I thought I knew
until the morning I awoke
from making love with you
the night before , waking up
to an empty bed with a letter
placed on the pillow beside me
that said

"I wish I could've made you
happy and I wish I could've
made you love me and I wish,
I wish .. your next lover could.
I love you forever goodbye"

I thought you knew ..
I should have told you..
I would've ..