Should I stop?
Stop trying to be the human that I'm so unfamiliar with.

Would you like me then?

Or should I cry?
Lie at your feet; shaking, bleeding.

Would you understand me then?

Is it too much for me to ask;
for you to break down the walls,
and see me for what I am?

Only human.

This wonderful world,
But is it wonderful?
Looking at the darkness,
What comes to my mind is slaughter.
Slaughter of men and
Slaughter of women,
Slaughter of children like ***** little pigs.
But when I look out,
I see lights,
Brightening up this dark starless
And gloomy night.
Emerald green and Ruby red,
Sky blue and Gold yellow,
Brightening up this moonless sky.
Wonder, has all evil gone?
Had it vanished when those lights lit up,
Or has it gone for awhile,
Will it come back with more evil?
The thought just scares me,
Makes me want to hide in the
Darkness of my mind.
But I know, this would just bring out
The inner demon in me,
Which would not know the difference
Between good and evil.
Which would turn me against the light.
Scared, I still hide, but you...
You won't leave me alone.
You will turn the lights up.
You will force me to acknowledge you,
You will take me to the brighter side.
Forgetting all my evils,
And all my demons.
Showing me there still is love,
In the world,
And in me...
I look at you, staring at the
Stars and the moon.
Am I still evil?
But I know, that is for me to decide.
Now, I hold your hand and stare
At the moon, and I realize,
What a wonderful world...

When you listen,

When you truly listen.
Something  which is unsaid,
Feelings too deep for words,
They can be heard.
Not through the ears,
But through our hearts…
That night, rain was pouring heavily,
Through the heavenly skies unto this earth.
It was completely mesmerizing
I was by the casement in my bedroom,
It was quite chilling,
But the rain, It calmed me.
It purified my soul,
My soul,
Which was stained,
Tarnished,
Damaged.
It’s perplexing,
How, when I look at the rain drops on my casement,
My soul calms.
I feel as though this is the one thing,
The only thing, that I want to watch forever.
I never want it to go away,
And it doesn’t fail me.
Unlike you.
I heard what you said that day,
That winter night,
When everything was perfect.
When I thought nothing could ever go wrong,
When I was completed.
You broke me,
Tormented me!
Alas, I learned.
Nothing was truly perfect.
It was just a word,
Nothing else.
It was either flawed or just fine,
But never perfect.
Nobody, nothing ever was.
That winter night, it was raining…
Maybe, that is the reason,
Why I can’t forget you,
Why it calms me to look at those soft droplets,
Those tears of the heavens.
Maybe, I still want you, deep down.
Even if I deny it, Maybe...

I am not meant for spare moments or free time.
I am not a check on your to-do list.
I do not fall under weekly, monthly or annually.
I can't be satisfied with your accumulated seconds and fleeting minutes.

I am meant for someone who carves out time.
I am meant to be held and loved without the sound of a clock's tick in the background.
I am deserving of lengthy stares and long kisses.
I fall into arms that hold me long, that hold me all night.

I am not your spare time.
I am not your fleeting seconds.
I am so much more than that.

im sad again

for the first time in a long time, my eyes are spilling, and my hands are shaking

and the pain in my chest won’t seem to budge

and it’s back to me wanting to run into your arms

to feel the only home and safety i ever knew, back to comfort me once more

but i never felt that home in the flesh, only through the encasing of softly spoken phone calls, and carefully chosen words

i need to feel my head nuzzled into the chest that feels so familiar

yet so heartbreakingly unreal

i need to feel the softly spoken words against my cracking lips

i need to know that you still love me

despite everything, and all the time apart

you still love me

You
Are not my crutch.
You've named yourself
But you've got it all wrong.
Even when I crawled through life
I never even took a hand up.
I've never leaned on
Anyone
And I never intend to.
I have no crutch.
I am no *******.
I am simply
Something you have never seen before
And may never see again.
(It takes a certain madness to walk
This tightrope.)
I have no crutch. I have no support.
But
I have my knowledge
That when I fall I will not hit the ground.
That if I am to tumble from love and life
I may be bruised
But I will not be
Broken.
I have someone waiting to catch me.
And you
Are not her, either.
Darling, you are what I want.
You are who
I want.
But you are not my constant.
You do not rise in the east
And set in the west
And I do not expect
That you coax every living thing that grows
Up from under the soil
And give it life.
I cannot count on you
To keep me warm when I am shivering
And that
Is okay
And that
Was never the point.
You are like the stars-
Never in quite the same place,
Bright and guiding some nights,
Shrouded in misty clouds on others,
And that
Is why I love you so.
Elusive and divine,
You shape the night into a glittering sheet of velvet but you
Are not the sun
And I do not want you to be.
I've got someone
I know will always come back and light my life up.
I've got
My safety net of sunbeams.
I am reaching for the stars,
And I want them to set my heart aflame
And print constellations of white light
Along my tender skin
But
Make no mistake
I neither want
Nor expect them
To make the grass grow
Steady beneath my feet.