I tried to stop myself
Everything looked too good to be true
I knew something wasn't right
You knew it too.

I pushed you away
Tried to convince myself that I didn't want you
It couldn't have been farther from the truth
You knew it too.

I couldn't stay away
This shouldn't have been news
I knew that I was addicted
You knew it too.

Nobody could ever love you as much as I do
I knew you were meant for me the day I met you
We met eyes, you smiled
You knew it too.

My behavior would seem quite rude to an outsider
One unframiliar with the dusty corners of my brain
I don't want to come off as ****** or pretentious
If my words offended you, it was never my aim

I suppose my actions were quite abrupt
My words sharp, like knives
I must apologize for my nature
It is a defense, it is the way I survive.

You're having a pity party
You announce, then pause:
I am not invited
For, I am the cause

You try to iron out your image
Make me look like the offender
Make me feel guilty
Try to appear raw, hurt, tender

I don't owe you a thing.
I don't deserve to be shamed
I don't like you?
So what?
I'm not playing your game.

"I didn't know you that well"
I whisper as you walk away
I'm thrown into a state of dreaming
I never thought it would end this way

I thought this time would be different
I thought I could be strong
I didn't think you could break me
But, I guess I thought wrong

I had unrealistic expectations
I never thought things through
Next time I'll know better
But next time, not with you.

I think I might have made a mistake
A painfully ugly mistake.
I understand if you are angry
I understand if you are upset
I know my words were hurtful
I hope, in time, you will be able to forget

So, I am offering you an apology
A weak, sad, sorry excuse for one.
I am apologizing for wasting your time
I am apologizing for leading you on
These were never my intentions
But, I do realize that I was wrong

If you remember nothing else:
Remember that I will always be here for you.
I will always be willing to listen
I will always be willing to exhort
Even if we go ten years without speaking
You will always have my support.

Things are getting out of hand.
My failures are a never ending cycle.
But where does the cycle begin?

With my stress perhaps?
Or maybe my lack of time?
My aching limbs?
All of which contribute to my decline.

Those are the big three.
But, the factors don't end there.
No matter how hard I try,
I am never prepared.

Why do I do this to myself?
I alone am to blame.
This time is no different than the last,
Things are always the same.

I crave you.
Nobody else, just you.
I want you all for myself.
Call me selfish, if you wish.
But, I want to be something you miss.

Let's take a dive into uncharted territory.
Nobody else, just you and me.