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Brieona Newman May 2018
I didn’t do anything
But I still apologized
You were messing around
And I apologized for not being there for you
I went through your phone and you screamed at me I apologized for being curious
i’m tired of apologizing for things I did not do.
Brieona Newman Apr 2018
Just because you do not like me
doesn’t mean i shouldn’t like myself
just because you don’t want me
doesn’t mean i shouldn’t want myself
just because you don’t love me
doesn’t mean i shouldn’t love myself
if i decided to perceive myself as others did
there would be nothing of me to cherish
but because no one is willing to appreciate me
i will have to appreciate me first
Brieona Newman Apr 2018
as i write this
i’m sitting on the bathroom floor
repeating every memory
every word.
i’m hyperventilating
my chest is so heavy.
stay please i beg you
i love you so much please stay.
the pain is almost unbearable
my heart is completely ripped out.
i don’t understand it
i’m so in love with you
please stay.
Brieona Newman Apr 2018
My chest is heavy
My heart hurts
My mind wonders to the last words you spoke to me
Replaying them over and over again
How dare you
How ******* dare you treat me like I'm nothing
Telling me I'm not ****
*******.
I am everything you will look in people
You will see me in anyone you talk to
I will not be forgotten I can tell you that
I am worth more than you ever deserve
So ******* for acting like I'm not
You didn't deserve the love I poured into you
The support I handed out
The time, energy, money
You didn't deserve me
And yet I still am the one who is hurt
But it should be you.
You lost someone who would die for you
And you couldn't even be honest with me.
Brieona Newman Mar 2018
I remember the first day I saw you
-standing there confidently, brushing your eyes along me here and there
I remember the first words I spoke to you
-making a fool out of myself but you smiled and talked to me
I remember the first text I sent to you
-it was simple and short, but it was something
I remember the first time we hung out
-I was so nervous and you made sure I was calm
I remember the first goodbye
-you had to leave because it was late and I was sad
I remember our first kiss
-it was fast, and nerve shaking
I remember the day you made it offical
-I could hardly even register what you said
I remember our first 'I love you'
-I blacked out from shock
I remember our first time
-It was full of passion and love
I remember our first fight
-I cried all night begging you to stop screaming
I remember when I found out about her
-I cried myself to sleep and couldn't get out of bed for days
I remember your apology
-It was the first time I've ever seen you cry
I remember having a lot of trust issues afterwards
-You slowly regained it back
I remember the promise ring you gave me
-I wear it like it's my wedding ring
I remember all our adventures
-Even the really awful ones
I  remember fighting again
-It was worse than before
I remember you telling me you didn't want to  be with me
-I begged you to stay
I remember you acting better
-And so was I
I remember you being patient with me
-As I was a complete mess
I remember falling in love with you over again
-I don't plan on ever stopping
I remember all of our plans for our future
-We continue to go through with them
I remember I only want you
-Forever and ever.
Brieona Newman Mar 2018
"I love you"
As I lay on the bathroom floor
"I love you"
I scream and I plead for no more
"I love you"
I gasp for air, begging for it to end
"I love you"
All the memories start to blend
"I love you"
My heart breaks
"I love you"
Every limb aches
"I love you"
I drown in the tears
"I love you"
This is what everyone fears
"I love you"
You lied to me
"I love you"
As you said to her too, I see
"I love you"
It replays over and over again
"I love you"
All my energy is drained
"I love you"
I don't want this anymore
"I love you"
My eyes are sore
"I love you"
It continues until I fall asleep
"I love you"
My heart no longer weeps
Brieona Newman Mar 2018
I think I've changed
Because while everything around me is falling apart
I still stand here
Smiling proud.
I've waited a long time for this moment,
To be okay while everything isn't
A few months ago I would've been so angry
And completely broken
Over the fact I cannot help others
Who did not want help.
Being angry at the world over things I don't do
Nothing made me happy and it took a toll on my relationships
But now, I am happy and relieved
I feel at peace with myself finally
And I waited for someone to change me
But it was myself I needed all along
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