i miss being 15
when i was me
when i felt pretty
when i was happy
when i was carefree
when life was in front
and my fears were at the back

past forward 6 years...
hello anxiety attacks
hello ana and the rest
goodbye happiness
hi sleepless nights
hello bottle in my sight
goodbye freedom of speech
hi insecurities
goodbye to feeling like me
hello to the society
who destroyed me
and all i was meant to be

i hate who i became
all that is the same
is my birth name

here's a nice story
here's a nice tale
of a girl who
sought comfort
in fairytales
and books
filled with
romance
and other
fine things

I pop pills like they're candy
I drink until it's all fine & dandy
I read books until I lose myself
I write poetry until my head spins
I touch my skin and brush against my scars
I remind myself that it's not over yet
I remind myself as I look at the stars