When you listen to those songs you used to love when you were younger
those moods you used to get in come flooding back.
How you used to dream in those songs, about leaving that town,
about growing out of that heartache,
about molding into those dreams.

But you listen to them now
and you feel that pain you used to feel
it hits you like a coma of sadness
you can't move, you can't breathe, you can't feel,
but you can hurt, so you do for a while,
you think of how you've grown
for the better, for the worse.

You remember how you thought those hits back then were tough,
or how you thought that pain back then hit bone deep.
Now all you feel is this nostalgia of what you thought pain really was and you slowly start to realize that was the little leagues,
you were the sad little kid on the bleachers but now you're not even on the **** team.

You run this show solo
and more afraid than ever.

But being afraid and alone is better than being afraid with the masses
because you know you're stronger now,
you know you can take this,
your bones have gotten solid,
your blood has gotten thick.

But you know what?

Blood will always be ******* blood and it will always bleed just like it used to back then.

when you're sixteen and all you want to do is tear your veins out from your body,
they tell you everything is okay
but they don't tell you what you need to hear.

they don't tell you it's okay to not want to be a person sometimes,
or that you're allowed to cry until you cant breathe anymore,
or that it's okay that you cant get out of bed some days,
or some days all you can do is get out of bed,
or that when you feel your entire heart shattering beneath your fragile skin
it is OKAY to feel yourself shatter with it.

but the only thing they can ever ******* think to say is that it's okay,
but they forget to remind you that despite every single ache you're feeling,
every pain you think you cant handle,
you will be okay too.

she left yesterday,
well the only way a person can leave after they've taken their favorite belt and connected themselves to the ceiling fan in their room

she left NOTHING behind yesterday,
it's almost like she had been planning it for a while,
she burned all her drawings
any poems she had written
all of her miscellaneous notes..
gone

she left me here alone, yesterday
she didn't leave me a note
she didn't let me talk to her or try to help,
i didnt even know it was happening...
it was a Tuesday

she left and she took me with her yesterday
i needed her
no, i need her
and god did i ******* love her

she left yesterday
and now i sit here thinking about her
all i want is to see.. her,
so maybe if im lucky
this now empty bottle of pills and some sleep will bring me to her

i still have it
that stupid ticket we got from working at that halloween job together
and it's almost october meaning we'll have to work again
and i wonder if you ever think back to that day...

because you see,
these rainy days we've been having are filling my head with ****** memories of being with you,
and although i've pushed you out for so **** long you've managed to sneak back in with your endless supply of jokes,
"just so you can see me smile" while we facetime or your late night texts about how your feelings for me are still there.  
but it hurts so bad
because no matter what you say,
you're in love,
with a girl who your family adores
and I'm just the girl who fills your days with conversations and gives you comfort once our clocks hit 11:00.

but I'm never the one you'd choose
because i love you
and that'd be too **** easy.

you're thinking about a place you'd like to go.

but you always find yourself staying at home
you tend to stare out the window,
like the moths that get stuck in
they smash themselves until their dust stops falling.

and just like them your eyes always seem to be caught in the lights
or chasing the setting sky.

the world is quiet and still
you've been sitting there staring at your wall for four hours
and that's when you realize,
there are no consequences at a time like this.

for doing such absurd things, like staring at a wall.

because from one to five it;s quiet and still,
and you finally feel okay.