"You're difficult to love." Who says these things? Like swinging on a broken swing or swimming in an empty sea. Any place you don't leave is a prison, and you left me like the breath of your very last sentence.

speak simply if you wish to speak at all
tongue tied lies keep me at your beck and call
sleep a bit of agony and I'm losing every bet
take me back to seventeen the satin colored net

that you tarped over me
roped me down
cruised me down the street

it's time to unload me
stay calm and listen
I need to be freed
I need to be slayed
beaten and prayed
I need to be saved

a fever isn't just a heated state it's a trance where an even temperature escalates into a dangerous smothering absorption of all moisture, health and grief like walking on a ceiling, I am confused and allured by your violent embraces and how they affect my fever the smile your back makes as I graze you I'm tormented by our forever through the time I've spent wandering I have gathered few things butterfly wings and summer soundtracks to sing

I'm flying
eyes closed
back arched
I'm wounded

self inflicted charms an over beating heart a piano plays through my fingertips my leg gets their heavy beating I do not own a thing I do not own my body I do not own this soul I let free the words I hold onto the moods I've always gone to
I am
I am
I am

*a figment

sitting ****** like a skipping stone
I feel the weight of your imagined embrace
and I can't think of a time that I didn't want this
I want to kiss you now

remember this: heated passenger seats
and electrifying moments
discussing broken feelings and
forgetting shattered promises

honesty breaks the string to my tongue
I speak and speak and speak
and I've misplaced my tone
but I'm so much less alone

I haven’t washed my hair in a few days.
I wiped off all of my makeup.
People ask me what my eyebrows look like without makeup.
I tell them that’s something I wish to keep to myself.
I share my bare face with lovers as if it’s a privilege.
When having that lover in the first place is a privilege in itself.
I’m on call tomorrow.
I have a psychiatrist appointment at 12 and it’s 30 minutes away.
I have a psychologist appointment at 4 and it’s 30 minutes away.
I bought things at Michael’s today to make glitter jars.
I want to share them with you.
Especially when you’re around big crowds in small spaces.
Especially when it’s a bad day and you don’t want to get out of bed.
I wish I had a jar right now, my feelings won’t stop swarming around.

I love her like I loathe tomorrow
a broken smile
a sauntering denial

I love her like a confused mind
a spoken rhyme
a bewildering crime

I love her like I don't know how
and I want to show her
I'll tell her now

there's a power off button in the back of my mind
and I'm swimming through my brain to save myself some time
it's blinking a dim ugly light
but it's mine

and there's a loud yelling in the middle of my heart
I'm pounding on my chest to shut it down and press re-start
it's pulsing a heavy sigh
but it's mine

but there's a simple ticking
and a broken watch
a time zone I'll remember
because it's a new year
and a new broken feeling
that I'm drinking to forget
that I once lived inside a dream

but maybe forgetting
isn't as easy
as you make
it seem