I write you poems when I'm high and I sing you songs when I'm sober. I listen to heartbreak when I'm low and watch the leaves fall in October. I read great books when I'm alone and I take warm baths when I'm wholesome. I take long naps when I'm anxious and short walks when I feel numb.

nutella and bread
riding next to you
as we traveled to the school ahead
adventuring the same path
every break of day
I wore a scarf and a coat
to contain my heartbreak
it was winter after all
you drove me insane
I was helplessly in love with our past
it was as if I was mourning the loss
of when I had you last
while we were still intertwined
looking back now
my love for you never died
I could love you forever
and we still wouldn't be
my handfuls of surrender
aren't enough for you and me

loving me is misery
a decade's worth of a mess
and a color stained shower
and a clothing covered bedroom floor
and a makeup cluttered desk
and it's just a ******* mess
loving me

We've fallen apart
but not in pieces
in shards of a globe
that will lead us back to home

When I'm alive, I hate you
And when I'm dead, I want you around

I'm done with stolen hearts, I hate you
and when I'm dead, I want you around

I'm exhausted from this broken mess, I hate you
and when I'm dead, I want you around

I want a future with a husband
a bouquet and a broken heart
I want a smile and some roses
a family and a fragile start

I want a present with a partner
a routine and a pill case
I want a laugh and some kissing
an open heart and a stable place

I want a past with a better scheme
a lover and not a fling
I want a commitment and morality
erased mistake like a bee sting

I'll bake my cookie dough like you know I hate to do
and I'll watch reality tv like I know you hate I do
and I'll sit alone at the kitchen counter like I hate to do
when I'm wasting away over you