You are my affection
Not the object of it
You are my soul
Not its mate
Together we are one
But I am less than half

It wasn't the smell that made them sick
It was what it meant
The realization that came all too quick
Why she hadn't responded

They ran upstairs to her room
Their feet making a choice their hearts weren't ready for
Why did they leave her alone.

She was there, in her bed, peaceful
Everything in their bodies screeched to a halt
They didn't breathe they didn't think
Why did they leave her alone.

The pain couldn't touch them
Nothing could
Nothing would for years
They shut down like toys with dead batteries
Why did they leave her alone.

The pills had been in an orange bottle
Now it sat on the bedside table
Label facing out like a product placement in a film
Why did they leave her alone.

The cruise was terrible
It rained, they bickered
They drank, and worried about her.
Why did they leave her alone.

Why now...

Why like this....

Why did they leave her alone

Because nobody spoke their mind
We were all forced to guess
Because we were all forced to guess
We seldom got it right
Because we seldom got it right
We didn't like guessing
Because we didn't like guessing
We stopped trying
Because we stopped trying
We stopped succeeding
Because we stopped succeeding
We got lonely
Because we were lonely
We got scared
Because we got scared
We stopped speaking our minds.

I'm here with myself
Trying desperately to stop
Stop remembering all of these things that I think that I am.

I'm here with me
Trying to focus
Focus on all of the things that I think I could be.

I disagree with myself
I fight me
But I fight back

I leave me
I abandon all I pretend to make to be
An abandonment necessary just to be free

I'm alone
Left by myself by myself

Leaving. only. me.

The horse is well and truly dead
What's more, it has been for some time
It wouldn't take a vet to see this.

It no longer smells of sweat
There is no pulse in its neck
No rhythmic flare in its nostrils

It is no doubt starting to rot
Maggots now gather
The shell that was its body is on the verge of collapse

Yet I cannot for the life of me
I cannot stop
I beat it incessantly

I flog it day and night
It has no blood to bleed
Yet I beat it still

I hope for it to live
For its eyes to shine again
For warmth to return to its flesh

I do this because I must
My heart won't let me stop
My **** heart

The sun catches its eye
I see the glimmer and think with glee "it lives."
The sun then passes behind a cloud and it is dead once more.

I beat the dead horse
I have to
I must.