The heart hurts as if this beat is the last
With so much good overhead, the life stays in the past
You were found by chance and the thought of permanency fluttered
With the quickness of a breath, those words no longer uttered
You light up the room with a smile so bright
Your eyes sparkle and shine through the night
To once what could be
To what should be
To the chances that swept away
To the tear at the end of day
With the roar of the lion
I get through this day
With the courage and strength
Does death fade away
But when the day comes and my name is called
Your face will be the last I paint on God's mighty wall

Why cant I fill the void in me
Wearing the mask of a smile drains me daily
Putting others first always
Yet don't want to bother them on good or bad days
Alone in a sea of friends
Drowning slowly and when will it end?
I carry so much weight on my chest
Feeling every beat of my heart as my last
I need someone to hold me and help me with this pain
It's never ending, will I ever be the same?
I know I can talk to a select few who are always there
But I can’t burden them if I don’t know what I need to bare
Its this endless loop that makes me want to break down
But strong I will be as Doc is always the smile around
I too hurt, grieve, and ache to be held, to have a consoling touch or hold
But today I will be here for you with open arms bringing you in from the cold

The pressures are rising but also falling on my chest
I can’t get out from under the tide, I need a rest
Mistrust, miscommunications, misconstrued words send me over the top
The anger continues to build inside of me until it feels like my heads going to pop
Working it out through weights, sometimes that can help
I am losing control of everything, how do I deal with something I never felt
Money issues, past actions, future homecomings, it’s all a part of this course
Lost at sea, feeling like I am drowning, I am struggling back and forth
Can I keep my head afloat until help has arrived?
Can I retrain myself and my brain? How am I to survive?
I used to be so happy, the joker in all cases
Now there is nothing to smile about, all I see are ******* arab faces
I can’t stand these people and we are put here and cannot do anything about it
They can bomb us on the road or shoot mortars to our chu’s and we can’t do ****
I’d rather be judged by 12 then carried by 6 is something I think of everyday
But all the red tape ******* we go through, these terrorists lead the way
If you are going to send me to war, let me do my job
Come out into the sunlight and get away from the fog
You tell me to give another year of my life away to you and wear the uniform proud
I can’t even look you in the face, you’re a fake and ******* is all you allow
You send me out on missions every day and you sit there comfortable behind your desk
You come with us when there is a photo op so that you can get medals pinned on your chest
You won’t tell us when we are going home; it’s this big secret you like to hide
Think about the well being of the soldier and family, take a look down deep inside
Maybe you will find some integrity, some actions that match what you say
Maybe you can remember what it’s like to live the code of a soldier, now get out my ******* way.

The alarm going off, but only one hour of sleep,
I kissed you on the forehead, the pain already feels deep.
We drive to the airport, the talk is low,
Trying to block out what is happening, knowing I must go.
One last kiss from your lips, one last touch,
The pain increasing in my heart, I love you so much.
We let go of each other and I wish I could stay,
I pretended to walk inside, but had to stop to wipe the tears away.
I checked in, got my coffee just the way you said,
I called you and we talked, your voice is the only thing in my head.
We talked some more then I boarded the plane,
As each minute went by away from you, I felt insane.
Flying halfway around the world, my tears never stop,
The realization of you in my life, my bubble felt like it would pop.
Back in Iraq and my heart hurts all the time,
But whenever I talk to you, everything seems to be just fine.
I've never been through this before, will the pain ever be less?
I can't function properly right now, I am a complete mess.
Stuck in my CHU, I can't make myself leave,
My chest feels like it will explode, my body just heaves.
I want this to stop, I can't take much more,
I feel as if the only thing that will help is to be away from this war.
I'm at war with myself, an emotional strain,
I hate that I lay this on you but its so much pain.
I opened up to you one night, you told me you understand,
I never knew what you went through, did I fail you as your man?
You've been helping me through this, keeping me busy,
I love that you do this, but that math made me dizzy.
I feel so weak, the first time I have no control of this,
My only hope is knowing you love me and I am missed.
I've never been so reliant on someone before, I am scared,
It took a lot to open up to you and I don't think it's fair,
To put you through this, you are having pain too,
I can never express how much this means to me, how much I appreciate you.
Please bare with me as we go through this time,
124 days in this country, once I'm with you, i'll be fine.

“The Moment”
Finally home and moments away from seeing you
I don’t feel like I’m walking, but just floating through
I’ve never been so nervous and excited before
All the sleepless nights of travel to you are no more
On the phone talking, you turn around and I feel your smile
I can’t get to you quick enough, the moment last awhile
Deep in my arms, I once again feel you heart
All the hurt and loss gone now, a brief break from our struggle apart
You smell of sweetness, the wetness of your kiss
Our arms around each other, I’m dizzy in bliss
I don’t want to let go, but I want to see that beautiful face
I dreamt of this moment for months, I feel like I won the race
For the first time in a long time, I am happy and can smile
Hand in hand we leave the airport, life is perfect for awhile.

“12 Hours”
12 hours along in my head
12 hours with endless waves of dread
12 hours waiting to hear you speak
12 hours of happiness, I wish I could seek
12 hours reliving every moment with you
12 hours of seeing the moment you’ll say ‘I Do’
12 hours of wondering if I could take away the pain
12 hours more of being stuck in a cloud of rain
12 hours of heartache, my chest so tight
12 hours of counting the days until I am in your sight
12 hours of thankful of the love you give to me
12 hours without you feels like an eternity