tell me who you think I am
for that, I will be grateful
as time passes, my mind has wondered
does anyone know who I am at all?
I feel undiscovered, over looked

I am a rock that people climb
to scan the horizon line
then repel back down
and unite with one they used me to find

if I had a theme song
it would be candid conversations at a bar
it would be over an hour long
and it would seem to go on and on and on

I am nothing more
than something people take pictures with
a tourist site, a mile marker
a stepping stone, a walking stick
something I'm beginning to comes to terms with

being here before
I have learned
how to roll the stone
up the hill faster
anything to get this over with
and start again

I am Sisyphus
rolling a boulder with his fists
learning more
each time the night ends

as my feet bleed
I remember every memory
they keep repeating
every defeat
every victory

the world burns around me
no one has found me

it is just me
it always has been
and always will be
up this hill
and back down again
for eternity

I have your face
I keep it in my mind
in a compartment
that any injury would not find
you will be with me until I die

I have your heart
and maybe
that is why it is always broken
and falling apart

I have your taste
and imagine that you would hate
all the things that I hate
and I know
we love the same things
brunettes and art
and the way mister plant sings
the calmness the dead bring
and one day you will dance with me
just like you do in my dreams

I have a future
that I look forward to
and I have a past
that I had to grow through

I smile when I think about who I am
and how I treat people
I realize my smile is not a sham
if my senses tingle in public
it is because I am where I want to be
and I love it
I know when my heart is hurt
I can feel it in my stomach
because I know myself
life gives you two options
love it
or end it
I choose to
wake up tomorrow morning
and live it

an insect
dropped on my hand
I am not sure what it is
the size of a grain of rice
with wings
I have seen these things
all of my life
I let it live
it is a friend of mine
neither it or I
mean any harm
it heads up arm
only to reach my elbow
then jump off
then fly away

I am content sitting here
on my back porch
alone
staring at the stars
that blanket over my home
I do not need
to be seen
to be known
I am around
all types of friends
things that fly
and things that build
webs between tree limbs
or things that crawl
around my feet
their colors are beautiful
and I cherish the comfort
they seem to have around me
there is no love
that could compete
with the love
that mother nature brings

I used to think romantic love
were the only love to be real
then as I become older
I believe romantic love
does not exist
those pretty girls
are like the insects
an equal part of
the same world
that I live in

the same feeling
you get from a kiss
is the same feeling
you get when you bond
with a friend
or when you see a dandelion
take flight into the wind
scattering
only to land
and you know
it will begin again

I tell them what love truly means
and they tell me how they feel
oh foolish me for believing that it meant something

I am a skyscraper, sitting down
ask for me and I'll come around

there is a record, somewhere, spinning
you can hear my name in the white noise
lingering around like glaucoma
the disease is painful but treatment is soothing

I am the screaming sound
ask for me and I'll come around

swimming in the atlantic
how far out can you get before the undertow pulls you away?
you drift out towards the sunset, struggling with the waves
every thought you've ever thought, repeats in your mind
as your body pains in the process of shutting down
the soul attached reluctantly begins to detach
and you are no longer the falling body, now you are the soul that's losing it's grip
you watch as this world gets smaller and smaller and smaller
until you forget where you were, and maybe
you were never really there at all

I am the star that burns out
but ask for me, and I'll come back around

I have not seen a ghost
since new years
and it is July
the absence is
beginning to
bore me
I almost miss
the feeling of regret
when you see a ghost
somewhere around town
the grocery store
the park
maybe the gas station
or maybe in your house
sitting on your bed
you believe it is real
and you have had some bad dream
but when you lean in close
to hold what you think you have
it is gone
vanishes into the air
like a mist that did not exist
that feeling
the feeling of rejection
I love it
deep down
I have never really wanted
to belong
never really wanting to
be accepted
I just want to accept myself
for who I am
that is why I love ghosts
ghosts remind you
the past was real
but is no longer here

there is a comfort that comes
with having more than enough indica
more than enough alcohol
to drink away these thoughts
as I stumble through the hallway
knocking pictures of myself off of the wall
not trying to catch them as they fall
stepping on the glass then walking off

happiness seems infinite
then the night turns
I begin burning paper
in my back yard
I have nothing better to do
and no one better to be with
higher than anything I can see
I am looking down at myself
I can see everything so clear
but I am always blurred out
censored
I am a puzzle I can not crack
loving people
and hating their memories
I keep to myself
but my mind crowds me
with everyone I have lost
pecking at me like a night bird
asking questions about thoughts
I try to drown it out with music
but the alcohol that I am abusing
reminds me that I have no clue
as to what it is I am doing
I do know that
I am beginning to loathe this world
you can not just be a recluse anymore
I am even scared of seeing ghosts
at the convenient store
once I close my front door
I feel that nothing and no one can come close
and those ghosts are no more
they are still knocking at my window
I put my headphones on
then stay out of view by sleeping on the floor

I drown myself in disappointment all of the time
and now that I'm drinking
I hope that irony makes a fool of me tonight
and tomorrow I will watch my loved ones cry
and see exactly who my friends are for the first time
as I rise into the sky, I too will cry
for never saying the things I should have
to the souls that I am leaving behind
and as I spreads my wings to fly
the feathers will wipe the tears from every ones eyes
while they slowly begin to realize
that even though I am gone
I will always be alive

an angel rushing down in the blushing sky
pushing cotton clouds into my eyes
floating like god with a devilish smile
the dreams of the fiends on the bathroom tile
scatter like roaches in the flash of light
that flickers from the ceiling in my mind
with my head in my hands I sometimes cry
I have looked for myself in the reflection of time
and no one was there so it must have been a sign
a sign for my future and that spark sure shined
I realized that life can not rewind
like a child when he watches his pet dog die
now I am swimming in beautiful grains of sand
watching the sun fly golden across blooming farm land
insects jump from the ground to the palm of my hand
who could pretend to be alone with this many friends?
who could complain of the end when the blame
is on the moment when things begin?
such a fickle life us mirror machines live
we are focused on we do not see
and in that moment we cease to exist
our hearts die in the inevitable turbulence
of grasping at the fireflies of thought our minds invent

I knew you were dead
on arrival in my chest
and you lie there with the rest

my heart is full of human bones
remains of people who were called back home

my life has been a series of pipes
twisting and turning through walls
of an old tattered house
I always find myself at the front door
unable to understand the lock
imagining what it would be like to walk out

I knew I had to be dead
the day I let love into my chest
and now I live here with everyone else

every spec of salt in the sea
is equivalent to every spec of you in me
I hallucinate from the amount of you in my bloodstream

every spec in the night sky
is every memory I have of you and I
and the amount of visuals will forever distort my eyes
I'll see good in people
when I should see evil
and the movement of my heart
will be controlled by their fingers

....but I am not afraid, love is a two way street
there is more of me in you, than there is of you in me
you are just a random leaf on a tree in a forest of many
a lonely molecule in the air that I breathe
even a bird with a broken wing can still sing
a song as sweet as a bushel of strawberries
I wrap up my arm and put my heart in a sling
then remind myself of what means most to me
my ability to speak love fluently

there is something
sinister
about love

I will steal you
if I feel that I should have you
I will **** you
if I think that I can not have you
if I hurt, you bleed
if you leave, I die

in the end, everyone dies
love either smothers you
abandons you
or never shows up at all
you can either adapt
or start drinking
and really let it break you
let the weight bruise your muscles
and crush your bones
once you let love in
it never leaves you alone

when love is mean
it gets thirsty
when love is good
it becomes work
either way you are burnt out
and need a drink

everyone is a flower
and every flower dies
the petals fall
the stem dries
and after some days
there are more of the same you, alive
adding your own kind of beauty to this life

every night could be the night
that I leave this place
my body will grow into an oak tree
yielding thousands of acorns
and when they fall, I'll become a forest

I am older now
looking back
I see everything differently
but still the same
there were various sides of me
that have faded but still remain
stepping stones turned into memories
I can hear a song and become someone else
then I can hear another song and reveal my true self
my life has been exciting thus far
times have been easy, times have been hard
there is always a light that will flicker
that I can forever see, and forever feel in my heart
praise the day I depart
with this world that is essentially art
when I come back
I will paint a wider picture
then manifest myself into a star
and hold everything in my arms

the scared skin of the sky
bends and folds
as our breathing passes though it
it exists after it is gone

there is a blanket between us and the ceiling
we pass a candle back and forth
and that sweet, sweet feeling
set in real nice as I shut my door
we threw my collection of gems at the light bulb
and we missed every time
we made dinosaur shaped shadow puppets
until it became day time

feeling cool for a moment
keeps me on this planet
looking you in the eye for just a minute
I am not sure that I am strong enough to stand it

in the shade
on a bench
in a park
that I came to as a child
if you are with me here
then you mean something
not just to me
but to everyone I seen
you with
If I bring you here
then you possess something special
something I believe should be cherished
there has only been one before you
and I am twenty nine years old
that is a long time to figure out what I want
and if you sit on this bench
you have entered a sacred part of my heart
I know at this point in life
I am Fragile
but if you see this view
know that I can be strong and I love you
and to me, that is all that matters

there's a body within the light of the moon
a woman with her hair like heavy rain on sand dunes
she climbs into my bed and hums a tune
of every song I've always listened to
to carry me on through what ever I'm going through

every night, she returns with blindness
over everything somber and desolate
she holds a candle at the memories I have
and I can see the truth and feel the intellect
I learn to live in the moment
and find the love in anyone who holds it
she comes whenever I ask
and one day I will follow her back

I sleep sound and amused
I'm withered but not abused
she always seems to save the day
by returning in the night to take me away

this pond is alive
I can see the reflection
of fish swimming in your eyes
the trees are alive
they shelter us
from the leaking sky
we watch droplets make circles
that move like humans
expanding outward
until they disappear out of sight

we conjured spirits in our mind
and let our hearts walk around free
for quite some time
if only to see what they might find

laughing from the tickle
of the moss on our bare feet
as the rain drops ride
on the back of falling leaves
and we can see
every particle we breathe

in the wild weeds
we fall asleep
to the warmth
of the moon breathing

I am older than I have ever been
and feel younger than I have ever felt
I find myself looking at life
the same way I imagine a children would
everything is beginning to seem new again
I seek a higher quality of knowledge than I was given
all the while realizing it is all a matter of perspective
and it was always up to me to decide my direction
the physical world I live in does not feel like home
just because I was born a human being
does not mean that I belong

the fragrance of this room
like stale beer and stale gloom
I sit on the floor with my heart
dreaming of something or someone new
but even if it comes along
I wouldn't know what to do
the signs all say I should change
but I don't know if I want to

I should learn to loathe the ones who hurt me
instead of loving them more deeply

an eventless day with loneliness by my side
I'm trekking the barren land in my mind
and I began to realize, the happiest period of my life
was nothing more than a waste of time
love comes so sweetly and calm
but leaves in a flash of light
it's giving me headaches
I've seen it so many times
I'm addicted to the feeling
but I'm becoming blind

a garden of flowers
rows of various colors
a planet of life
lands of various colors
blending together
as they will always do so
forever

my hands have touched many others
my bare feet have trampled many a clover
my soul is kin to many others
my heart has had many a lover

I would live this life twice over
and over
and over
and over

we left the lights on last night and slept through the sunrise
the warm sweaty night had you glued to my side
and I slept as if I had died and became fuel for a firefly

I glow best after sundown, when no one is around
dancing in the fields with you to sounds of insect mating sounds
my love burns hot and the glow is the radiation being released out

I seen you glowing as well, love has the sweetest smell
and it was thick enough to see, I inhaled until it burned like hell
then I slowly exhaled the wind that set my heart a sail

I'm listening to love songs, figured I would write one of my own
love is everywhere and eventually it will run out of places to go
this universe is an ever expanding egg shell waiting to explode

we are old enough to know what to do
but young enough to bend the rules
this is my autumn, you are the leaf that is red and gold
at the end of the branch that I nearly gave my life travelling on

I exposed the flesh on my finger tip,
with my teeth, the blood tastes salty on my lips
not a fit of nervousness I'm just high strung
my brain is sorting through all of the things I'm thinking of

I like that I see your face in all that I do
I don't regret falling in love with you
you can take my hand again, at anytime
no matter if or when you may change your mind

I've been drinking for weeks
in a room where the floor creaks
from my constant pacing
contemplating everything
dreaming possibilities
limits as high as mountain peaks
even though love escaped me
it was just a bloom on a magnolia tree
a star in a galaxy
romantic love is imaginary
love in any disguise, feels the same

I still like that I see your face in all that I do
I don't regret falling in love with you
you can take my hand again, at anytime
no matter if or when you may change your mind

love
is standing in the cold when you are sick
if only to put a smile on the face
of the person you are with
who wants to ride the ferris wheel
if only to sit next to you
and cradle you
in moment of weakness
as your stomach turns from the height
you just want to leave
then you realize
you are looking at your reflection
in her eyes
love
is having an epiphany
that even though you are feeling weak
there is no where else you would rather be

midnight on the beach, you and me
we were stunned at how many stars we could see
you were cuddled up next to me
with a blanket on our bare feet
off in the distance, we could see lightning from the heat
we imagined the flashes were the product of what we were creating
I scout the surroundings with a flashlight
to ease your mind from the blackness of the night
you are safe around me
there was no one to our left and no one to our right
we lay back and stare up at the ring reflecting light
around the moon, which looked like an eye
staring down, directly at me and you
you held tight with your hand in mine
and as the wind blew
I realized
you were an angel and the eye was God
watching what I do
and as an atheist, I was left confused
but I already knew
I noticed your wings the moment I met you

I sat on the edge of my bed
three feet from me, in a chair
sat the prettiest brown haired girl I've ever seen
with a beer in her hand
saying things that interest me
as she pushes her other hand through her hair
carelessly telling me intimate details about herself
as if she trusted me, like I couldn't have been anyone else
I just sat there calm and still, watching the smoke trail off of my cigarette
trying not to notice how perfect she looks and how strangely fine this feels
I felt privileged to be in this room, loud music and smoke filled
she laid down on my bed as the night closed in
it was normal for us to sleep in the same bed like friends
but it seemed a bit different this time
we were closer than normal but it seemed right
I was prepared to fight the good fight
then I looked down at her
and I'll be ****** if she didn't have love in her eyes

I stopped at a patch of flowers
on the way to your house
as the sun light reflected off of the morning dew
I liked the symmetry of the petals
they were beautiful but even if they had hands
they couldn't hold a candle to you
I watch the sun make its climb
past the cluster of clouds
in the Carolina blue sky
I hope you are looking up
because you make me feel that high
and every second with you
is an hours worth of time
I started down your driveway
and could see you through the window
you came out of your door running
We spun in circles like children
just like it's been weeks
since we've seen each other

I took the quickest route to your house
a typical Thursday evening
I turned into your cul-de-sac
you ran out of the front door
wrapping your legs around my waist
and your arms around my neck
I carried you back to my car
I sat in the front seat admiring all the you are
as you put your seat belt on
I've never felt more at home
we headed to my house
frolicked around in my front yard
we laid on our backs staring up at the stars
we realize the chemical reactions we are
she looks into my eyes and says "I'm ready for you"
then we did what any teenager would do
we made a memory we'll carry our whole life through
I gazed into the eyes of someone I loved
as we watched our spirits blend together above
you held me as close as you could
I will always believe I knew exactly where that feeling was coming from
we ended up back at my house
I felt proud when it was you I was sneaking out

tick, tock
tick, tock
the hands on the clock
are wrong
but the rhythm
could be in the background
of any song
why wouldn't you sit
and sing along
or read a good book
take your mind to somewhere else
because this place is something else
make the time longer than it is
when we use ours brains
for learning or imagining
we can expand it
imagine an imaginative planet
people planning the future
with a common understanding
of what is and what it could be
tightening the sutures
repairing the seams
we are one collective consciousness
having the same dream

I watched through the screen door
as you walked up on my front porch
you passed by me carrying a wind
that caressed my cheek like a feather
could you walk by me a again?
your eyes are deep and brown, the size of nickels
and when you stare at me, it moves me something serious
I could only imagine if a tear eagerly slid off the end of an eyelash
only to splash on your cheek, then you trying to hide it from me
by looking down, embarrassed but still smiling
as if you weren't trying too hard to hide this part of you from me
but with you, it all happens
the love, the connection, the laughter
no matter whether together or apart
it was created, therefore it's forever

you are a beautiful girl
with a face as next door as you can find
a lovely presence and personality as bright as sunlight
you are young and free
a new soul on this planet
it's first trip into the vast expanse

you remind me of girl I once knew
who became a butterfly
with wings as intricate as her heart
and the endurance of a migratory bird
off she went into the wind
leaving nothing behind
and if you were to ever fly in
then fly back out, well...
I would never take to the sky again

I hide from you
I know if I show you who I am
you would be hooked too
and the last bit of energy my heart has left
would be wasted on something that could lead to my death
but it could be love, and I don't believe in anything else

I scratch at my skin until I bleed
thinking I have morgellons disease
these wires seem to grow out of me
in whichever direction you may be

I swear that I'm happy
but something weird is happening
your face seems to be erasing
but your your ghost does not seem to be evaporating

you have planted seeds within me, ideas that spark my creativity
they crawl through my limbs the same way a snakes swims
sometimes I feel that you are the reason that I exist
it is quite easy to see your roots growing out of my skin

I walk out into traffic, laughing
with my arms out
I spin as the cars are passing

they say there's no atheist in a foxhole
but I've been in one my whole life
realizing it, took some time
I couldn't imagine making it to where I am now
if I were to have been blind

I can't wait to be buried
with a tree planted over me
I'm taking a mulligan
and next time I hope I plant better seeds

If my heart ever skips a beat
it is because you moved to far from me
If I ever lose my breath
it is because I gave you the ones that I had left
when we dance and you step on my feet
it is because you can't help but move too close to me
When I go to sleep
you are the blanket being thrown on me
and when I awake not feeling well
you are the medicine I will take.

You are the beautiful field I'm walking through
I'm loving everything, especially this carolina sky, it's extremely blue
I didn't pick any flowers, I know you didn't want me to
so I took dozens of pictures and sent them to you
You are the sky that amazes me at night
I love the stars, and yours are bright
when I lay in the grass, you are my nightlight
now, you are the moon below the horizon line
in my mind but out of sight
When you're not here, and I know you're asleep
I wonder, is your body comfortable, are you having dreams?
does the shade over you window block out the streetlight beam?
and is everyone else quiet so you don't hear a peep?
I want you to sleep as sound as I do
knowing you are as fond of me as I am of you

I don't know how I feel anymore
some days aren't that scary
then there are days
where I question whether
my presence on this planet is necessary
I am a grown man but sometimes
I set aside some personal time
to be alone, just me, myself, and I
to cry
I will admit, Life gets to me
and instead of hating everything
I love everything
but that comes with a price
it keeps me up at night
thinking of the hungry
and the innocent that forever die
I think of them all of the time
so I cry...
while listening to happy songs
my tears only travel with smiles
I deal with my troubles in piles
though it may take awhile
I manage to clean up the mess every night
and then the next day I see everything
in a slightly different light
I appreciate everything that comes with this life

I've been around a beautiful girl
for a few weeks now
she has dark hair
and deep eyes
I could see her heart through her shirt
and I could tell that she noticed mine
she was just a human being
a kindred spirit experiencing the same ride
and we took the absence of time as a sign
that something was special about this
then our parallel lines began to intertwine

we lay on my bed
I'm on one end
as she drapes over the other
we're still babbling
as we see the light come from the blinds
and realize it's breakfast time
we need sleep but our bodies
and our minds are connecting
the room is filled with unspoken feelings

I noticed the shadow of her face
on the ceiling above
flashing from the flicker of the candle flame
I look to her and say "we can hold the ***, I'll take the love"
then the birds began to sing from the trees
and we lay touching as we fall asleep from the heat of the sun

(days)

I remember her looking me in the eye
and saying "together, in a closed room, we made thunder,
you hopeless romantics make great lovers
but you're doomed to walk alone
as artists and poets
down an adventurous path
but you have no clue as to where you're going
I know you're smart enough to have seen this coming
but I must go, I'm sorry"

I've heard that before
and I'm beginning to believe it

moisture from her skin
left condensation on the hood of my car
in the dark part of a church parking lot
the insects sound like subtle harps
we laid down on a blanket in the graveyard
using our fingers to connect the stars like dots
into the shape of hearts

she let out a cloud of smoke
then laid back with her head in my lap
with no clothes on
her hair tickled my thigh and I laughed
I made whistling noises in high tones
using a single blade of grass
and my own two thumbs
the same hands that I use to hold her
like I would hold a lady bug

driving her home
I drove better than I ever have
with both hands on the wheel
keeping her safe was my only plan
opening her door
such a hard task for the hand
knowing there are hours in between
opening that door again

she had the longest sidewalk in this town
the touch of her lips in the door way of her house
walking back to my car
the night had a beautiful sound
I took the long way home
just to drive around
and listen to music very loud
with the window down
my hair flew out
creating shapes I have only read about

finally home
I lay my head on my pillow
and close my tired eyes
I see her in a sundress
sending flight to the seeds of a dandelion
I count them..
1....
2.....
3......
4........
5............

I held her head until my hand touched the pillow
then as I pulled my arm back
she used her fingers to entangle mine
and looks up to me and says
with her other hand in my hair
she says "I feel free with you Brian
                  like I am being who I truly am"
the yellow glow of the moon
circles like little canaries around the room
I can hear her heart
boom
boom
boom
emitting our own light
it is impossible to wear clothes
because of the heat that radiates
when we are this close
I open a window
and I follow her out into the unknown
during the scary hours
courageous and bold
alone and at home
laying together
giggling by the light tickling
of feeling the grass grow
I used my finger to draw
her face in the sand
she smeared it with her hand
and with a smile on her face
she says "please, draw it again"

I'm sitting inside of a paper lantern
staring at the candle, watching the wick dance
as I imagine myself holding the world like I'd hold myself
I put one in the air

I watch a mirror like I'd watch a tv
analyzing every aspect of me
being self conscience of what I see
I'm not so sure I'm who I want to be
so I put one in the air
and stare....

is this life real? are we just sprockets of a bigger machine?
is there a ruler that decides the fate of all living things?
no one knows....
and I don't think anything is true anymore
when we don't know, we don't learn
I've learned how not to care
everytime that I put one in the air
I'm on a pebble orbiting by the backside of pluto
further out than anything that you know
and it's cold out here, like mountain air
this is where I go when I put one in the air.

roasted
toasted
and burnt to a crisp
I wish these thoughts in my head didn't exist
my heart
my soul
my fist
I could walk away from all of this
children making other children eat paint chips
my love for any other is fading quick
it is enough to make any sane man sick
I question my reasons for holding on
I have the dead mans hand
and I am about to fold
from the minute we were born
through the period of growing old
we are sold
stripped of our clothes
and robbed of all of our gold

I wish I had a few peacocks
because beautiful colors
give me beautiful thoughts
and I could use that warmth
moving through my head
to heat my shivering heart

I wish I were standing
next to a tree
that was just a seed
planted on the same day
at the first moment
the doctor looked at me
I imagine the air
that I would breathe
would be clear and sweet
and the branches would be
covered in beautiful leaves
protecting me

I wish I were a song
we would all sing
I wish we were better
at being human beings
I wish for everyone
to be everything

I faked my death
in a hotel room
when I was a kid
and I have been
with this family ever since
I have a brother I love
with whom
I grew up with
and all of these beautiful people
I call family
and friends

I am
the creation
from a star
mother earth
is a hover car
and people like myself
die on the windshield
too busy thinking
instead of paying attention

there is a cloud over my head tonight
and I keeping biting down on my lip
the blood is a red only seen
when halving a watermelon
that is perfectly ripe
I will eat till my stomach bleeds
seeing how far I can choke up the seeds
cheering as they take flight
I can only sleep in the dark
and I break my own heart
to dim the light

there is a dead plant
on my front porch
that I keep watering
out of habit
out of curiosity
out of desperation
I want to watch something grow
in front of me
something to hold in my hands
something
anything that I have made on my own
when all hope is lost
I want to be the one to bring life
back into a comfortable home
even if that means
that I live alone
and end up just a lonely box of bones

There's an entity behind my eyes
that folds my thoughts into airplanes
my ears are the terminals to the sky

There's mud on the runway
but they're begging to go outside
he moves the blocks, they take flight
the planes turn to envelopes
just harmless little notes
entering through someones eyes
and exiting through their throats
sprouting into fishing boats
floating on air with the current
reaching places only the birds go
my thoughts turn to weeping willows
covered in white insect pillows
that filter out negative tones
the tips of the limbs call the grassy ground home
and this is how we know
we best leave nature alone

my thoughts turn to snowflakes
that splatter on the window of an airplane
flying through the thunder that makes the boat shake
and when the clouds cry, the willow is made

you are a permanent ink
and I cannot seem to get my fingers clean
no one will shake hands with me
they are afraid of the things
that I wear on my sleeve

I am always arguing semantics
with strangers on the street
staring at the people in the park
plucking the leaves from a living tree
I want to furiously say something
but I just let them be
the leaves will grow back eventually
and maybe that couple will fail
and that living relationship forgets how to breathe
from the outside karma is amusing
boredom has led me to a road dark and eerie
and I am not fearing any reaper reaping
welcome to my life
irony
I am the reaper
reaping the ever growing seeds
that I always tend to plant near spring
never prepared for the yield
the end of summer brings
left with the weight of everything
I feed myself until I have only one option
to explode all that I am
through any medium
other people can see
or hear
or read

I signed my name backwards
on you in your sleep
with permanent ink
when you look in the mirror
you will remember me
and be forced to walk around
with your own pocket full of seeds

I have let myself down
after I have led myself
around by the neck
through this town
the seeds I have planted
grew into oak trees
and their shade combined
creates a greenhouse house effect over me
there is moisture everywhere
be it in the air or beading down my cheek
staring out of a window
my reflection is someone I wish not to be
I embrace my loneliness as it if solving something
I tell these little lies to myself then I justify them
by the effortless excuse of being born human
accepting my mistakes without the ambition
needed for the act of redemption
I lay stagnant, a standing shaded puddle
with my thoughts drowned out by the screeching sound of
mosquitoes hatching and the erratic ******* of my blood

the soil is soft and fertile
I have this pocket fulls of seeds
but I am scared to death of dropping them

starving for air
in this cloudy room
gasping for life
with no intention
of leaving any time soon
another day
another f-cking dollar
I hope one day
instead of getting out of bed
I set fire to my sheets instead
then fall back asleep
with the courage
to put a bag over my head
I am only here because of my parents
two kids with nothing better to do
than to smoke dope and make a kid
in the backseat of the car my father
would eventually die in
if there is a point to all of this
someone please tell me
I am running out of theories
the one who stepped in after him
is about to step out
and I have to deal with the fact
that when he does talk
my name comes out of his mouth
and if he goes before I see him
it will be just another hole I live with
another reason to doubt
to seek freedom through love
but the days pass slow
we used to be ants
and now we are slugs
who has time to work for love
when money exists?
and who has the energy to lift a fist
in an effort to fight against
what seems to protects us
providing laws and entertainment
this is mental containment
and it is time to face it
not embrace it

I'm sitting out in the grass
letting the blades tickle my ankles
I've let the pressures build up
the man made strain of this life
breathing down my neck
thank goodness I've been here before
staring at the same setting sun
drinking the same beers
and realizing that none of this matters
not even the love we share
and the comforts we have found
but especially the heartaches and empty stomachs
even people you knew but are no longer around
I've learned to smile in the mirror
it's better to **** with kindness
rather than fight with blindness
at anytime we can rewind our minds
and bring ourselves back to who we were
when we were happy