our love was exactly like one days worth of time
you entered my life bright like the sunrise
that spread across a cloudless blue sky
I grew more attached as the hours passed
you headed for home
drifting off in the dimming light of dusk
I began to realize we were no longer us
I'm sitting here now, as the sun falls
with a drink in my hand
I watch a bird fly across the sky, alone
flying in a stretched out zig-zag pattern
I could be that bird, alone but free
to do as I please like nothing matters
because nothing ever does and nothing ever will
the only thing you really have
is your experiences, the thrills
you never forget things you believed to be real
no matter how small they begin to feel

Sometimes I see the motions of the trees
and think there's something they're trying to tell me
Sometimes I see the motions of the trees
and think they can hear the music I'm listening to-
and they're dancing along with me
I can smell natures breath
and I can see it floating on top of the grass
I can hear it in the hum of the insects
and can feel it as a bat flies past
Come with me into the night
we can lay in the grass
stare at the moon
and charge our hearts with light
become mesmerized by the sight
of constellations in the sky
I've layed in the grass so many times
that my skin no longer itches or stains
I've stared at the stars for so long
that my pupils continueally dilate

there is a riot in my heart
I arranged some rocks in a circle
then started a fire in my back yard
I tossed my flag of freedom in
'cause f--k this place
and f--k the world I was born in
I can't seem to get it right
I have peaceful dreams
and it's the nightmares that rule the world
I'm nauseous in groups of people
I'd rather stand back unnoticed as it unfurls
spiraling downward with haste
some of us just want to watch the world burn

I dance with the flames
to the sound of singing trees
the slight whisper of the wind relaxes me
I can see flashes of eyes coming from the edge of the wood
I wonder what the animals think of what they are seeing
a thought that I let run through me
standing still, looking within myself
what do I think of what I'm seeing
what do I think of what I'm feeling
there's a spark of lunacy in every human being
and that's what I seem to be experiencing
only myself and nature get to see
how I deal with everything
so that I can wake up everyday with my sanity

I stand in front of the mirror
remembering when I hated facing myself
foaming at the mouth, and pacing back and forth
an animal before realizing the fate of death
chasing the shiny and bright but getting burned by the light
only to find the comfort in imagining a mass extinction
and I am the only one that's left
but as the years pass, I reaped the seeds I have sewn
people I have loved are gone
I buried a friend before he could watch me grow
into the man he said I would be
a lovable soul who is inspired by the spark he gave to me
I would say it saved me
looking in the mirror now
I am looking at a person I am glad to be
nothing to be ashamed of, I am free

I met you
when you were
just starting to poke
through the cocoon
that surrounded you

those big brown eyes
and those large black pupils
starving for light
attracted me like a black hole
I am spiraling like a pin wheel
will I disappear with you?
or will disappear into you?

I noticed a fray
it blew in the wind
I caught it with my fingers
and the static electricity lingered
I began to unravel the threads
then I was cut short as I fell from the limb
of the tree we were living in
I am a damaged caterpillar on the ground
on my back watching you
flap your wings with a rhythm
as you fly around
landing on any flower
that is in bloom

I seen the mark of the beast
in the reflection of the sunlight in her hair
as she sat between my legs facing away from me
on a blanket I laid upon the ground
and the sudden breeze freaked me out
she changed things without making a sound

from outside of my body
I watched her morph into my greatest burden
and I was sitting there doing nothing
just like a good little german
as if I am secretly jewish
and she has already started the burning
but she knows who I am
and she forced me to show her
over and over again

she was like a little feline friend
running her hand of knives across my skin
fighting through my thorny ribs
she plucked out a black little berry
and I watched as the juice stained her lips
leaving me as vacant as I have ever been
and the mind of myself I found myself in

I know now what I did not know back then
that I would stay the same but never be the same again
the sound of a light switch could trigger
a three day alcohol ******
that would end with the contour of my face
pressed into my car fender
those were strange days I wish I could return to sender
or at the least not remember

to her no harsh thought is thrown
instead I build shrines for her in my head
she became places that I go
curse my photographic memory
for this is a very scenic road

it has been months
since I have painted
I take a brush
and move it across the canvas
a face begins to appear
that face I smear
then start over again
illustrating mountains
with snow covered peaks
in front of a lake that shines
surrounded by trees that breathe
and only seen because of me

I lead people to the paths
that will take them
the furthest away from me
should I be hurt?
or flattered
to be the inspiration
behind their awakening?

I want everyone around me
to be happy
and sometimes
I suffer from that reality
but that is ok
every time I bleed
I still enjoy seeing
you all smiling

I was feeling strange
on a nice day
at the beginning of sundown
the moon was climbing the sky
and the stars were turning on
it's the end of the week
and like everyone else
I'm drinking downtown
my friends are scattered about
and there are lots of weird people around
we're on a roof top over-looking a band
playing songs everyone knows
I walked over to the ledge
by myself and looked out
watching the streets fill up
and the lights turn on
I could hear all of the voices collecting
like a dust cloud engulfing the city
everything feels very much alive
staring up at the buttery moon
I notice a bright star to my left
and it reminds me of seeing
the first lighting bug flash of spring
I always seem to catch it
out the corner of my eye
the star is getting substantially brighter
and the sky is starting to glow
I look around and no one else seems to notice
as I'm looking at it
it's starting to look like it's moving
or rather, approaching
I have to stop to clear my thoughts for a moment
am I hallucinating? am I the only one seeing this?
and at that same moment I hear someone say
"it's getting lighter out here"
with that one sentence, everyone became quiet
the star became a round flame
that began to stretch across the sky
revealing it's size, and I, with everyone else
realize we are all going to die
everyone and everything alive
I climb up on the ledge
right before the heat burns me up
as I'm laughing, I yell out
"nothing we ever did mattered!"

The moon in the sky, is the home of father time
and the sun is where mother nature is confined
she sleeps while he shines
when she's awake, he hides

He floats in the night like a bird of prey
peering through the trees to the ground to watch the mice play
giving light to us human-beings that stay up this late
to see the beauty that darkness creates

She rises up from the horizon like a spotlight
shining fuel onto every inch of life
neutralizing the temperature, setting the equilibrium right
just as us humans used wind to fly kites
the love letters from the sun to the moon take flight
every once in a while their paths will cross
and here on earth our light is barely lost
enough to illuminate the two lovers as they take their clothes off

kites bounce around over head
as our skin softens the sand
noticing the mathematics in the waves
the tide nips at our feet then runs away

as the water retracts
the sand starts to look like my carpet
then I realize where I am
on the floor in my bedroom
with a memory in my hand
and it bites like a fire ant
the sting feels the same as the rest of them

birds chirp from their nests
in the trees above our heads
and a spider web on the swing set
the intricate design has me fascinated

as the sunlight bounces off rather slow
the web starts to look like my cracked window
then I realize where I am
looking outside at life happening
with a feeling in my heart
that rattles like a screen door in the wind
it feels like I am walking out then back in again

I need a stiff drink
I need a long walk
I need a lasting love
I need to just breathe...

I dig through my closet
searching for shotgun shells
I need to shoot a gun
and I hate guns
but if I do not release some tension
my skin will pop at the seams

standing in my yard
I aim for the sky
and pull the trigger with haste
closing my eyes
opening them to realize
that I am still alive
and nothing else has died
a weight is lifted
I have never felt this light
before in my life

you spun out onto my rug
and swung your hair around
your bare feet stood together
as your arms swung out
I could smell your shampoo
as your hair flew by my face
you pulled me up and I fell into you
we knocked the empty bottles all over the place
then ended up face to face
on the floor, laughing
then perfectly in sync
we started singing the same melody
to the song we were listening to
but describing what was currently happening
we did what we wanted to

watching the shadow of the flame dancing on the wall
as the wind pushes through the screen of my window
your head on my chest as we drift into our dreams
then awaken by the sound of the neighborhood roosters crow
yesterday was normal for us but for tomorrow, who knows

there is an angel on the couch
a special kind of sacred
I am afraid to touch for the risk of breaking
a soul as wise as it aching
I will tread slow and safely
with myself on my sleeve
I can only hope she comes to me

there is an angel on the couch
I can see her spirit vibrating through her skin
she is squirming
hoping no one will notice
but earlier
outside
one of her feathers took off with the wind
and I am the only one who seen it

there is an angel on the couch
and I am a man too shy to open my mouth
failing to display my wittiness and sincerity
the vessels I use to send my love out
but I am floating, vulnerable in the sea
with the over whelming fear that I might drown

there is an angel on the couch
with a stereo and collection of cds
of people I know about
I chose a song
and as it song started
I sat back down unnoticed

"I hear a voice..."

there is angel on the couch
with her eyes closed and moving around
with her hands in the air
disrupting the sloth like clouds
she is in perfect sync with the sound

I am staring down at my knees
just wandering
around in my head
trying to remember to breathe
I am high beyond all reasoning
and the angel gives me an unfamiliar feeling
just sitting there on the couch
still not sure she can see completely see me
I am just a simple mortal peasant
and she has earned beautiful white wings
then without hesitation
I leave
and still, to this day
the reason escapes me

I have went some months without pain
I would say a few
and then
out of the blue
I received a message from you
when I realized what I was reading
and who it was from
my stomach turned
my first thought was to ignore you
but what if you just showed up at my house
with such an obscure object you found of mine
what could I do?
after the past months, the solidarity I went through
what should I do!?
behave as if I am mature enough for this, no one is
but if you just showed up at my house while I am there
...what would I do?
that's a question I wrestle with
on a daily basis
I am too injured to be chasing
anyone, anything
you do not chase love
it lies at your feet
therefore, what we possessed was pointless
though you randomly appeared on my door step
the moment you seen my tears, you washed right through
the cracks between the boards of my deck
as I sat and listened to music that made me think about it
you know, the smiles
the piles of leaves
you would jump into with me
and we felt we brought our own hearts to their knees
laying there with our laughter and the feeling it brings
we would end up in my bedroom
with album covers strewn across the room
I would put the needle to Wild Heart
and make the sweetest of love to you

when I look back
on our perfect ten month stint
you were an absolute angel
and I gave my best performance yet
I hate the way it all ended
I almost wish one of us had died
if only to save our love from being tainted

I gave you the sacred parts of me
and you walked away
even had the nerve to
sit on the edge of my bed
look me in the eyes and sing every word to
the phil collins song "take a look at me now"
minutes before the last time you walked out of my house and did not notice the irony
and if you showed up at my house
with that obscure object of mine, today
I would probably tell you
to do what you do usually do
refuse to fight for what you love
and only focus on the men of yesterday
then I would tell you to
show me your trade mark move
the one where you just walk
away....

there is nothing that I want
maybe a bridge or two
to burn with you
and you should bring a few
we will light a fire
and design something new
sprinkle snow out on the roads
because we hate cars
and it would be fun to wreck a few
smoking in the woods
in perfect weather
two lonely people
being lonely together
collecting fallen feathers
using wisteria vines
to thread winter sweaters
making masks from mud
scaring children
just to watch them run
not concerned with
what may or may not
become of us

I am staring out of the window
watching the wind hit the leaves
she is staring at me and talking slow
telling me that I have a nosebleed
I have planted these little seeds
and now they are leaking out of me
grabbing a tissue
she touches my skin
and it feels like something
a non-believer might believe in
seeping into the sheets
wrapping myself in cotton
I am beginning to feel nauseous
she sat calmly and cautious
holding my hand and my hair
as I began coughing
then becoming sick from it
she cleaned up my sins
then became lost in them

I shouldn't even be here
the sky is void of stars
this is not my night
these are not my "people"
and she doesn't have that glow
she doesn't have a glow at all
I usually get headaches around her
with the light shining from her soul
there was a point
walking down the street
she locked arms with me
and it almost felt familiar, almost right
I have shown her places that were memories of mine
and now, I am just a drop of water on the fishing line
I am too rare of a breed for her common sense of taste
quite elusive and reclusive and I am only out late
she caught me hungry enough to be fooled by her bait
then skipped the wait, threw me back
and didn't even watch as I swam away
as if she knew I needed to be free
and couldn't take the thought of seeing me having to flee
well, maybe that is  just what I want myself to believe

I'm at a place where I can see more
than what is in front my face
but from this height I can see
everyone who walked away

no one understands me
brandy on the rocks, please

I'm in a chair that feels like it will break
and I keep leaning back with all of my weight
this is what I have become
putting faith in the craftsmanship of someone else
I might as well put my faith in god
because I'm sure as hell not putting faith in myself
I am human, I am burdened by an inevitable death
I might as well hedge all bets

no one understands me
brandy on the rocks, please

make something magical
write something moving and profound
Brian, make everyone proud
be it words, paint, or sound
Brian, don't let everyone down
do something smart
be someone great
stop being idle
and take your foot off of the brake
let life happen
even if it slaps you in the face
take a f-cking chance
stop being weak and afraid
people love you Brian
all the while you sit alone
thinking of ways to make them love you more
never satisfied of anything
like the women you blame yourself for
just grow up Brian
get out of your head
stop thinking
start experiencing
do something spiritual
make something magical
and write something moving and profound

when I was a kid
the graveyard across town
the one my father rests in
was significantly smaller
decades later it is quite big
and growing
because time is not slowing
and neither are we
where ever we are going
does not matter
because in the end
we become a spec scattered
across the land
and what if instead of burial plots
we were buried with seeds
that grew into beautiful things
we could save the bees
or the oxygen we breathe
what if as we die we repopulate rain forests
instead of taking up land people need?

I search the night for a spiritual experience
every night
I use my days to justify that experience
and every night
I try to forget that I do this
pissy in a room with four walls
that I cannot believe that I am still in
a cobble stone path I walk
the stones are land and everything else is lava
I hope I do not fall in

It is hard to be who you will be
when you spend all of your years
only analyzing who you have been

maybe happiness is not something to obtain
but a mere reflection of ones personality
it probably hurts to be you
just like it hurts to be me
but there is no reason not to be
constantly smiling
knowing we are all on a rock
constantly spinning
It's foolish to believe this is the ending
Maybe we are just walking towards our beginning

you could cut the ****** tension with a butter knife
but neither one of us really cared about what the other one had to say
with our strange in-congruent lives and our eternal fear of internal pain
it can really take its toll when you are vulnerable

sitting at the end of the street, contemplating the site of the inevitable
I took a right into a spiderweb of streetlights
trickling into the abysmal blackness of the night
you could cut the ****** tension with a butter knife
and neither one of us cared where we stopped
with our reasonably similar motives
and our never ending lust for physical eruption
it can really take its toll when you are vulnerable

I turned the engine off and the crickets went wild
into an awkward silence as our faces splashed together
like the moon sinking into the earth
I disappeared into her mouth and my shoulders sank
my legs went numb as she playfully fault back
in a manner that seemed to be out of her control
the moon sat on the dash like an owl in the trees
my fingers began to clench and her finger nails plowed my skin
sending slim cascades of wine colored blood down my spine
we lie like lions on a tree branch as the sun comes up
breathing in the atmosphere and taking in the sounds
for a brief moment we were in tune with each other
affection seems welcomed and time moves slower
the road back seems longer when the key hits the ignition
everything goes back to normal even the tension
it all builds up then someone gets cut with a butter knife

I watched as you drove
paying perfect attention to the road
tapping your fingers to the song on the radio
and this is when I should've known
that the road less traveled
always bring you back home
feeling as if you were never really gone

I watched as you cried
during a movie when someone died
and you said one of the characters still alive
reminded you of me
and I too, began to cry

I can still see you in perfect form
as sweet and innocent as you'll ever be
I imagine that when you were born
you didn't cry, you came into this world smiling

and that's how I'll remember you
an intelligent, kind hearted, lovable being
we're on the journey of life
I was passing through you
as you were passing through me

I knew myself once
even shook my own hand
how we grew apart
I'll never understand
I've tried to sit and think
of how I would describe me
but nothing comes to mind
and I get a headache everytime I try
Sometimes
I treat myself
like someone else
a romantic partner
a person to fall in love with
but as the love comes
it goes...
and I'm left
lonely, feeling like I deserted me
and left myself for dead
I am a captive
inside my own head

I see skin
on skin
in my dreams
and I am never sure
that things are
ever what they seem
I need a bright light
to blind me
or for love
to quit hiding
and find me
I hide behind trees
from no one
I just pretend someone else is there
chasing me for fun
I just run and run
wishing someone
would catch up

it is Friday night
and late
the 13th of June
with a full moon
on such an event
I remember when I use to
spend times like this with you
with her
with them, ****
I guess I always seem to do the same thing
and get the same results then complain
about all of it
I am lone and I drink
but not because I am alone
because I am bored then think
I'm in a pool of water beneath a cascade
and the emotions of people around me
are drops of water
falling into me

the wind blew the suns light across the water
and the pattern formed a vibration I do not get to see often
I wonder if the current is caused by the waving of my own fist
to signal myself that I am dreaming and this does not exist

I watch the water kiss at your bare toes
as you use your finger to touch the cute little minnows
something about them swimming off together touches us both
knowing that we are never really alone while entering the unknown

rain drops catch the falling leaves
sending them towards you and me
we use the song of the blue herrings
to dance in the grown up weeds
and in awe we seen them fly up into the trees continuing to sing
expanding the sound trajectory and the way their vibrations carry
then I realize
this doesn't seem so scary

my car putters along
your sandals on my dashboard
I drive a safe speed
with my arm out the window
you stare at me through the passenger mirror
and all fears hit the dusty road
my hearts scatters off
like a school of cute little minnows

I opened my eyes
wrapped in covers, drenched in sweat
and with no surprise
a sore throat and an aching head
I sit on the edge of my bed
used a towel to dry my neck
then I lit up a cigarette

I wipe last nights tears from the corners of my eyes
I can hear the birds sing a song I'd rather not hear
not really in the mood for the piercing sunlight
or anything that reminds me that I'm alive, or that I'm here

how I feel is unclear
I don't have my heart, but it's near
I can hear it's screaming from pain, from fear
that same fear that I have, that I might not see it again

last night
I truly believe
that you slept like a baby
while I
tossed and turned
staring at the ceiling

I am the branch
and you are the leaf
our souls are two ants
heading for our tree
on their way to you
by crawling on me
you are the destination
and I am the journey

ghosts live in both of our delicate hearts
in a room with padlocked doors
we have swept up thoughts of them
like dust on a hardwood floor
tossing them out
and thinking of them nevermore

a star fell in my yard that night
unannounced and unnoticed
you were staring at my eyes
I may have seemed unfocused
but I felt you the whole time
the feeling consumed both of us
and then we killed the house lights

I am lost, in my back yard
flailing my fists, boxing with god
I want to know why I am content
with living in a private box
knowing I could very well be buried in one
when my thirst for life stops
I live as if I am already dead
instead of growing, I rot
I should be describing ink blots
in a gown wearing sandals and socks
because I am about as understood
as the circles in the corn crops
I am a mushroom growing from
what the bovine creature drops
while people around me seem like livestock

my body is spent
I lay in the grass
and it feels like pavement
I cannot change this
or do anything to prevent it
stress comes and stress goes
my heart is the entrance
and my brain is the outlet

I filter everything
and I am a conduit, a vessel at float
touched by the waves and the breeze
carrying me towards the suns glorious beams
like Icarus with delicate waxed wings
I am sure to fall short and drown in the sea
until then I will learn to appreciate
the commodity of breathing

you are going to die one day
and that breaks my terrible heart of apparent stone
it should be big enough to swallow you
but instead I might be responsible for you dying alone
you are not the welcoming type
and I was sleeping in your bed
waking up next to you
with your fingers in my hair
as your palm rested against my head
this is the same way
that I held you
the first time
that I...
well..
held you
the first time you realized
that my arms wrap
all the way around you
I once thought that
generations ahead of us
would find our bodies
wrapped around each other
and we become the image
to symbolize
true love

I might be responsible
for you
dying alone
but I will be
dying alone
too

everything I've felt inside of a woman
I have felt outside of a woman
*** is superficial and can distract every moment


we've let our lust mask true love
our hearts go empty while our heads fill up
just because you look into a mirror
and like what you see
it doesn't mean you're happy

I'm at a place where I feel I could live forever
knowing what true love is and trying to spread it around
for us all to enjoy, together
being a good person isn't enough
we all could do better
the ship we're on is sinking
and it has got me thinking
that maybe the remedy is in the reason
for being a ****** human-being

I was in the water
counting one, two, three
sinking
I knew she was a flight risk
but I could not bring myself
to clip her wings
she is anchored deep
I can still feel her arms
wrapped tightly around me
every time I breathe
and sometimes her tiny eyes
turn into little beams of light
that stretch throughout my dreams
and now I am treading water
letting myself believe
that the thumping sound I hear
is her feet stomping the ground
leading back to me
but in reality
it is just the sound
of my fading heartbeat
I am in the water sinking
counting
one
two
three
trying to wash myself
of the once tangible love
but now intangible memories
of a bird cage I left open
and the song it sang
as it flew free

I'd like my grave how I like my women, shallow
because I'm sure they'll be the death of me
I'll be the plot back in the shadows
under the limbs of a mossy poplar tree

my personality is changing seasons
and it's messing me up beyond all reason
behind every leaf is a new part of the limb
I can feel myself flushing itself again

how exactly do the cosmos align
to create this light bulb in my mind
from holding a candle under a piece of string
to learning what it means to be a human being

emotions seem to feed themselves
the soul of the wicked is a prison cell
the moments before you scream for help
are the moments in which you truly find yourself

I've been waiting all week for a package to come, sitting at my window nothing short of stalking the delivery guy who works my neighborhood. I lie back on my couch and stare at the ceiling until I drift off. I wake to the sound of the door bell and there, in all it's glory, was the package. I open the box and pull out my very own, shiny, new grappling hook and launch pistol. I ran upstairs for my binoculars and an umbrella then dashed through my front door.

I made it downtown just before sunset, arriving at one of the tallest buildings in the city located across the street from a building of equal size, they're perfect. I headed to the top floor and snuck around until I found the roof access. Walking out, I take in the sights, watching the wave of sudden flickers from people turning on the lights and the darkness from people leaving for the night. I went over to the edge and launched the hook to the other building. Using the binoculars I locate you down on the street, then I begin walking across the rope with my umbrella trying to line us up.

I look down at you, admiring the amount of beauty you always radiate. I want to jump on you but I realize that if I do, you would die as well, I'm too dedicated to the preservation of all things that are beautiful to stop your journey. I continue on to the other building.

I climb down off of the ledge, feeling defeated when I seen a police officer staring right at me. I slowly walked towards the exit door, he repeatedly told me to stop while he unfastened the ******* his gun holster. He cut me off then grabbed my right shoulder and left arm, I kneed him and grabbed his gun, immediately shooting him in the head, it looked exactly like a spilled pan of cherry cobbler. At this point, the people on the streets were looking up.

I went to the edge and used the handcuffs like a necklace to attach me to the rope, I rolled myself over the ledge, the slack in the rope allowed me to slide down to the middle. The sky created a perfect backdrop behind me as the sun sat on the horizon throwing it's golden glow towards the stars, and at the very last second before my neck snapped I remembered, I won't even know that you know me.

I'm swimming in my thought like a new born child
thrown into the summer pool for the first time
my palms are the road maps I use
to navigate this sea I float through
the things I love are intangible and clear
they stay around to help dismantle my fears
I'm more confident than I am sincere

I see colors in the late night sky
recalling all of the unfortunate times
that I indirectly tried to die
and I easily form a smile
a long way seems short after the fact
and I've boarded up the door to the pathways that hold me back

I'm sitting out in the grass while the dew dampens my pants
I feel the vibration of the wind bouncing off of the plants
marveling in the sight of marching ants
I'm seeing things I've only thought of
I look around as the bees buzz
and I know now exactly where I come from

I am at the age in life
when you have to be patient
the road I chose was the price
I had to pay to see the destination
most people grow bitter
but I embrace it
I now know who I am
and I have become stingy with appearances
love is my currency and home is my residence
my presence is not free, my friends make that evident
they have paid for my presence
I see myself in all of my friends
and in myself I see all of them

the years I've lived have handed me bricks
so I built a wall framed with sticks
and everything I once believed, doesn't exist
life is just one of the many lessons we take on the wrist

I stood out in the dust of the dirt road looking past
the old house that is myself, myself looking back
on all of the things I keep in this heavy knapsack

it's a short walk to the end of the line
life may be short but it's a long **** time

I fold my hands into puppets
and make shadows of myself on the wall
one hand is a building
the other is me climbing to the top
and jumping off

my cats began to swat at the shadows
completely focused and amused
I use my hands to make them dance in tune
with the music I am listening to
the smoke in the room added a certain ambiance
along with the perfect amount of moon light shining through
I almost forget I am sitting next to you
until you rest your head on my shoulder
then raise your hand, making yourself a flower in bloom
growing from the base of the building
I jump off and land into you

my cats bump into each other and we do the same
lying on the carpet, staring at the ceiling
watching the candle flame react from the wind sneaking in
syncing our heartbeats together with its rhythm
feeling higher than anything living

I climbed a tree
on the edge of the tree line
surrounding my favorite park
someone has broken the limb
the highest one that I could reach
from which I hung my heart
someone has bested me
it used to make me sick
but now I am relieved
that someone has bested me
instead of tasting the high
before ever reaching the leaves
love is not about possession
because that air is not the only
air there is to breathe
there are other trees
and I can not, in good conscience
despise whoever can climb
higher than me

the comfort of her personality
sofly rocked me to sleep
to be honest, in all actuality
I was dumbly fooled by this dream
I hung off of a rock face
and right when I started to fall
I heard the door close behind her
and that was my wake up call
I lied motionless, but content on the bed
my mind is cluttered land
and there's a forest in my head
growing with memory of every kind word she says
I was riding a bicycle in a cul-de-sac
wearing myself out
until I was in the grass lying on my back
staring at the clouds
and there were plenty around
I stood up and noticed my shadow
it was long, making me look tall
a feeling I felt but never acted on
the sound of thunder carried on
then I heard the door close behind her
and that was my wake up call

are you going to wait by the car door until I open it?
are you expecting me to pull out the chair before you will sit?
because that will make you a lady and I'm into that ****

are you going to finish all that you order
without thinking of me judging you?
are you going understand why I don't try to kiss you
and not assume that I have no feelings for you?
because, as a gentleman, I need you to be into that ****

I could never see myself with someone
who would give themselves to me
without wanting to know who I truly am
I feel that a good woman makes you earn it
and I want to earn it, because I'm into that ****

When god calls me home
I hope it is a long enough walk-
to think of what I would say to him
I hope I can remember every sin
to properly ask for forgiveness
And I know...
God already knows everything
But I feel obligated to be honest
what if I get to that door and it doesn't open?

I never had to ask permission -
to walk in my grandparents house
they would be offended if I asked
that's how I always imagined -
what heaven is

But what if I were a stranger-
knocking another strangers door
would they let me in?

My life is a gravel road
the further I travel the more rocks in my sole
but oh' the sights I've seen
countryside painted a warm gold by the sun
and the trees the size of giants in clusters of thousands
I've seen skies of many colors, some I can't name
I've felt the tingle of a cool breeze from the top of a mountain
I have danced in the shallow water of a creek bed
under the canopy of autumn trees with colors of a kaleidoscope
I've tasted the sweet nectar of a honeysuckle
and feasted on a blackberry bush at the edge of the wood
So eventhough my life is a gravel road
and I've had enough sour so the sweet never gets old
the thunder may come but it always goes
and even when the road ends, I'll never know

I am in some sort of transition, as my body gets older
I start to feel the pains from the life I have led
and it is difficult to stay sober
but my mind is expanding
like a cup spilling over
and my heart is an unidentified flying object
that just seems to hover
like a raining cloud that follows me around
and as I approach a puddle
the invisible hand of karma pushes me down
but life is bigger than me
I am a part of the randomness
that just happens to be

life is just a flat stone
that we skip across
the vast universe
that we call home

I am sitting outside alone
with a blown out arm
and thoughts of a telescope
in freshly cut grass
I am watching the heat lighting
turn the distant sky from black
to pink and gold

I am walking
not sure where I am going
I have some ideas
but they are not growing
though I water them
constantly
not knowing
that my dreams
are becoming weeds
and vines
wrapping themselves around me
keeping me from being
who I should be
and this should frighten me
but it does not
I enjoy the company

and as the heat lightning rolls on
I wind back and toss my stone
out into the unknown
and watch as it sinks on the first throw

I had a good time with a friend of mine
walking the hills of a wild flower field
paying no attention to the time
we were caught on a blanket during the sunset
with love on our minds
she closed her beautiful eyes
and imagined the stars were holes
made by the tendrils of a porcupine
poking through the frail fabric of the sky
then imagined them poking at her eyes
she took off running as multiple flower pedals took flight
I stood there engulfed in the cloud
and lifted my arms, I felt connected to everything now
I chased her out into the clearing she found
she spun till dizzy and I caught her right before she hit the ground
We lie on our backs looking up at the migration of dust
then realized you and me became us
the sun was no longer to be seen
and the stars seemed to imitate all that she appeared to be
she was a galaxy lying right next to me
I could feel that certain spark, that particular feeling
but I was distracted by the sky resembling my bedroom ceiling
She held my hand until we came down
and the stars remained stars and not exactly what we are
but everything we were around
We ended up on some separate couches back at my place
but when we woke up we were still high on yesterday

it's the third of may
feeling crowded and out of place
I could really use a change

for the first time in my life I realize
though I love my hometown
if I stay, I may soon die

the seeds I've planted have turned on me, gone rogue
instead flowers they're vines like ropes
they've multiplied and are about to take hold
there's no other choice, I've got to go

I hope that behind the horizon line
I may find all that I'm looking for, a new life
I fear leaving but I've got to try
because if I stay, I may soon die

me, you, and a chocolate blunt with honey
at the end of your cul-de-sac
me, you, sitting intertwined in my back seat
watching the cars on the other street pass

you lay back in my arms
and look up at me
only then do I see what you see
the one I love staring back at me

the herb has us connected with everything
this car, we have to leave
with my arm around you
we walked the sidewalks
then lied down in the middle of a street
watching the moon in awe, too amazed to speak
for hours it seemed
I helped you to your feet
then chased you until you found the trees
and there in the shadows we fell to the ground
you put your hands all of over me
the blades of grass seemed unusually welcoming

we were exposed lovers under the stars
that no one else could see
being young and naive
is the true meaning of being free

I am going to hurry the sun down
pounce on the night like a subtle barn owl
dives down on a field mouse in the stable behind my house
symbolizing a young man breaking out

to all of my my forgotten friends, let us mend
all of our differences and throw them into the wind
to move through the breeze exactly how the fish swims
inside of our hearts right before our life ends

I am going to hurry the come down
I have grown bored with this cloud
over and over until the voices in my head start to break out
symbolizing a young man breaking down

the feline in my soul chases ghosts when it is alone
I slam down the same keys on the piano
and write about the strangest places that feel like home
I have made it **** near impossible for me not to be alone

so now I beg and plead, something or someone come hurry the sun down
I want to enter a dream where I am suitable to be around