I wish I had a few peacocks
because beautiful colors
give me beautiful thoughts
and I could use that warmth
moving through my head
to heat my shivering heart

I wish I were standing
next to a tree
that was just a seed
planted on the same day
at the first moment
the doctor looked at me
I imagine the air
that I would breathe
would be clear and sweet
and the branches would be
covered in beautiful leaves
protecting me

I wish I were a song
we would all sing
I wish we were better
at being human beings
I wish for everyone
to be everything

I am lost, in my back yard
flailing my fists, boxing with god
I want to know why I am content
with living in a private box
knowing I could very well be buried in one
when my thirst for life stops
I live as if I am already dead
instead of growing, I rot
I should be describing ink blots
in a gown wearing sandals and socks
because I am about as understood
as the circles in the corn crops
I am a mushroom growing from
what the bovine creature drops
while people around me seem like livestock

my body is spent
I lay in the grass
and it feels like pavement
I cannot change this
or do anything to prevent it
stress comes and stress goes
my heart is the entrance
and my brain is the outlet

I filter everything
and I am a conduit, a vessel at float
touched by the waves and the breeze
carrying me towards the suns glorious beams
like Icarus with delicate waxed wings
I am sure to fall short and drown in the sea
until then I will learn to appreciate
the commodity of breathing

it's the third of may
feeling crowded and out of place
I could really use a change

for the first time in my life I realize
though I love my hometown
if I stay, I may soon die

the seeds I've planted have turned on me, gone rogue
instead flowers they're vines like ropes
they've multiplied and are about to take hold
there's no other choice, I've got to go

I hope that behind the horizon line
I may find all that I'm looking for, a new life
I fear leaving but I've got to try
because if I stay, I may soon die

(I imagine)
I am a moth circling around
the same beautiful flower
that a hungry lemur found
I land on the petals
entranced by the sweet smell of the nectar
and the comfort of the weather
I hear the snap of a twig
and every time I have heard that sound
I cease to exist
then a cloud appears and I begin again
my heart is in the right place
but I am not sure where that is

from my childhood
I recall seeing a cocoon
and that strange memory
makes me think of you
I can not explain the feeling of
watching something about to bloom
all the while hoping it will fly home to sooth
a paranoia that my life has seemed to have proved true
I try with all my strength to hold it
but through my fingers it always seems to slip through

I will just turn away and head on back home
I am tired and that road is just too long
to walk with these poorly healed broken bones
I seem to be better at being alone
but I seen that rainbow
I swear I did
appear in front of us
but we did not know
that we will always be kids
and it is just a myth to be grown

everyone is a flower
and every flower dies
the petals fall
the stem dries
and after some days
there are more of the same you, alive
adding your own kind of beauty to this life

every night could be the night
that I leave this place
my body will grow into an oak tree
yielding thousands of acorns
and when they fall, I'll become a forest

being here before
I have learned
how to roll the stone
up the hill faster
anything to get this over with
and start again

I am Sisyphus
rolling a boulder with his fists
learning more
each time the night ends

as my feet bleed
I remember every memory
they keep repeating
every defeat
every victory

the world burns around me
no one has found me

it is just me
it always has been
and always will be
up this hill
and back down again
for eternity

the comfort of her personality
sofly rocked me to sleep
to be honest, in all actuality
I was dumbly fooled by this dream
I hung off of a rock face
and right when I started to fall
I heard the door close behind her
and that was my wake up call
I lied motionless, but content on the bed
my mind is cluttered land
and there's a forest in my head
growing with memory of every kind word she says
I was riding a bicycle in a cul-de-sac
wearing myself out
until I was in the grass lying on my back
staring at the clouds
and there were plenty around
I stood up and noticed my shadow
it was long, making me look tall
a feeling I felt but never acted on
the sound of thunder carried on
then I heard the door close behind her
and that was my wake up call

you could cut the ****** tension with a butter knife
but neither one of us really cared about what the other one had to say
with our strange in-congruent lives and our eternal fear of internal pain
it can really take its toll when you are vulnerable

sitting at the end of the street, contemplating the site of the inevitable
I took a right into a spiderweb of streetlights
trickling into the abysmal blackness of the night
you could cut the ****** tension with a butter knife
and neither one of us cared where we stopped
with our reasonably similar motives
and our never ending lust for physical eruption
it can really take its toll when you are vulnerable

I turned the engine off and the crickets went wild
into an awkward silence as our faces splashed together
like the moon sinking into the earth
I disappeared into her mouth and my shoulders sank
my legs went numb as she playfully fault back
in a manner that seemed to be out of her control
the moon sat on the dash like an owl in the trees
my fingers began to clench and her finger nails plowed my skin
sending slim cascades of wine colored blood down my spine
we lie like lions on a tree branch as the sun comes up
breathing in the atmosphere and taking in the sounds
for a brief moment we were in tune with each other
affection seems welcomed and time moves slower
the road back seems longer when the key hits the ignition
everything goes back to normal even the tension
it all builds up then someone gets cut with a butter knife

The moon in the sky, is the home of father time
and the sun is where mother nature is confined
she sleeps while he shines
when she's awake, he hides

He floats in the night like a bird of prey
peering through the trees to the ground to watch the mice play
giving light to us human-beings that stay up this late
to see the beauty that darkness creates

She rises up from the horizon like a spotlight
shining fuel onto every inch of life
neutralizing the temperature, setting the equilibrium right
just as us humans used wind to fly kites
the love letters from the sun to the moon take flight
every once in a while their paths will cross
and here on earth our light is barely lost
enough to illuminate the two lovers as they take their clothes off

I'd like my grave how I like my women, shallow
because I'm sure they'll be the death of me
I'll be the plot back in the shadows
under the limbs of a mossy poplar tree

my personality is changing seasons
and it's messing me up beyond all reason
behind every leaf is a new part of the limb
I can feel myself flushing itself again

how exactly do the cosmos align
to create this light bulb in my mind
from holding a candle under a piece of string
to learning what it means to be a human being

emotions seem to feed themselves
the soul of the wicked is a prison cell
the moments before you scream for help
are the moments in which you truly find yourself

I've been waiting all week for a package to come, sitting at my window nothing short of stalking the delivery guy who works my neighborhood. I lie back on my couch and stare at the ceiling until I drift off. I wake to the sound of the door bell and there, in all it's glory, was the package. I open the box and pull out my very own, shiny, new grappling hook and launch pistol. I ran upstairs for my binoculars and an umbrella then dashed through my front door.

I made it downtown just before sunset, arriving at one of the tallest buildings in the city located across the street from a building of equal size, they're perfect. I headed to the top floor and snuck around until I found the roof access. Walking out, I take in the sights, watching the wave of sudden flickers from people turning on the lights and the darkness from people leaving for the night. I went over to the edge and launched the hook to the other building. Using the binoculars I locate you down on the street, then I begin walking across the rope with my umbrella trying to line us up.

I look down at you, admiring the amount of beauty you always radiate. I want to jump on you but I realize that if I do, you would die as well, I'm too dedicated to the preservation of all things that are beautiful to stop your journey. I continue on to the other building.

I climb down off of the ledge, feeling defeated when I seen a police officer staring right at me. I slowly walked towards the exit door, he repeatedly told me to stop while he unfastened the ******* his gun holster. He cut me off then grabbed my right shoulder and left arm, I kneed him and grabbed his gun, immediately shooting him in the head, it looked exactly like a spilled pan of cherry cobbler. At this point, the people on the streets were looking up.

I went to the edge and used the handcuffs like a necklace to attach me to the rope, I rolled myself over the ledge, the slack in the rope allowed me to slide down to the middle. The sky created a perfect backdrop behind me as the sun sat on the horizon throwing it's golden glow towards the stars, and at the very last second before my neck snapped I remembered, I won't even know that you know me.

my heart is my front door
and she is the curious fly

I see her out of the corner of my eye
as she flies about
she explores me from top to bottom
and I don't mind having her around
she can stay as long as she wants
as long as she doesn't make a sound
it's nice having company in this house

I was alone for quite some time
took a vacation to find myself
I traveled through my mind
turning the ugly things into beautiful seashells
the salty air may dry my skin, but I love how it smells

I woke one morning
to the sound of buzzing
I grew to hate the sound
but now
it seems lovely and sweet
I let the vibration rock me back to sleep

sitting in a rocking chair
I watch as she soars past me
following her with my eyes
she flies in patterns I've never seen
making me dizzy
the head rush becomes addicting

she flew out through my open door
the same way she came in
swift, and curious
she viewed the outside
the way she viewed me
an adventure
nothing to be sure of

it's been months
I haven't seen her since
but I can still hear the buzzing
It gives me headaches
but I still leave my door open
even though I know she isn't coming

You are the beautiful field I'm walking through
I'm loving everything, especially this carolina sky, it's extremely blue
I didn't pick any flowers, I know you didn't want me to
so I took dozens of pictures and sent them to you
You are the sky that amazes me at night
I love the stars, and yours are bright
when I lay in the grass, you are my nightlight
now, you are the moon below the horizon line
in my mind but out of sight
When you're not here, and I know you're asleep
I wonder, is your body comfortable, are you having dreams?
does the shade over you window block out the streetlight beam?
and is everyone else quiet so you don't hear a peep?
I want you to sleep as sound as I do
knowing you are as fond of me as I am of you

I'm at a place where I can see more
than what is in front my face
but from this height I can see
everyone who walked away

no one understands me
brandy on the rocks, please

I'm in a chair that feels like it will break
and I keep leaning back with all of my weight
this is what I have become
putting faith in the craftsmanship of someone else
I might as well put my faith in god
because I'm sure as hell not putting faith in myself
I am human, I am burdened by an inevitable death
I might as well hedge all bets

no one understands me
brandy on the rocks, please

I live with an altered state of mind
sometimes I believe that I believe in something
but there is nothing that I can honestly define
and I am beginning to wonder why I even try
wind chimes ding in my head
blending like a flock of birds being fed
I am bleeding internally in my legs
and the burning sensation is becoming addicting
afflicting pain on yourself is a symptom
of constant wishful thinking
not seeing the difference between
what is real and what is reality
what is true and what is a fallacy

I've been around a beautiful girl
for a few weeks now
she has dark hair
and deep eyes
I could see her heart through her shirt
and I could tell that she noticed mine
she was just a human being
a kindred spirit experiencing the same ride
and we took the absence of time as a sign
that something was special about this
then our parallel lines began to intertwine

we lay on my bed
I'm on one end
as she drapes over the other
we're still babbling
as we see the light come from the blinds
and realize it's breakfast time
we need sleep but our bodies
and our minds are connecting
the room is filled with unspoken feelings

I noticed the shadow of her face
on the ceiling above
flashing from the flicker of the candle flame
I look to her and say "we can hold the ***, I'll take the love"
then the birds began to sing from the trees
and we lay touching as we fall asleep from the heat of the sun

(days)

I remember her looking me in the eye
and saying "together, in a closed room, we made thunder,
you hopeless romantics make great lovers
but you're doomed to walk alone
as artists and poets
down an adventurous path
but you have no clue as to where you're going
I know you're smart enough to have seen this coming
but I must go, I'm sorry"

I've heard that before
and I'm beginning to believe it

I dropped three ice cubes in my glass
added three fingers of cognac
then I threw it back
poured another and leaned up
against the counter
and let out a deep breath
I know who I am
but I'm still figuring out how

there is a knock at my door
I'm not sure I want to answer it
could be anyone, anyone I don't want to see
or someone, someone I want to see, or family, so I open it
and she, with her hair and face
stood there, a partial smile
with a certain pain in her eye
she always knew when it was best
for her to show up, she had perfect timing

she sat down on the floor
as I fixed her a drink
she told me that life is magical
but there is white and black magic
and life isn't any different
she spoke of intense drinking
and constant, hollow loneliness
with the feeling of ambition
but she knew that something was missing
and at the time
the familiarity of it all
was too much for me
and I dropped her drink
the glass broke violently and sudden
the opaque cola took shape
as two blobs of darkness
on the floor
she laughed at me
and called me drunk
I called her weak
headed for my room as she followed me

My life is a gravel road
the further I travel the more rocks in my sole
but oh' the sights I've seen
countryside painted a warm gold by the sun
and the trees the size of giants in clusters of thousands
I've seen skies of many colors, some I can't name
I've felt the tingle of a cool breeze from the top of a mountain
I have danced in the shallow water of a creek bed
under the canopy of autumn trees with colors of a kaleidoscope
I've tasted the sweet nectar of a honeysuckle
and feasted on a blackberry bush at the edge of the wood
So eventhough my life is a gravel road
and I've had enough sour so the sweet never gets old
the thunder may come but it always goes
and even when the road ends, I'll never know

you are a beautiful girl
with a face as next door as you can find
a lovely presence and personality as bright as sunlight
you are young and free
a new soul on this planet
it's first trip into the vast expanse

you remind me of girl I once knew
who became a butterfly
with wings as intricate as her heart
and the endurance of a migratory bird
off she went into the wind
leaving nothing behind
and if you were to ever fly in
then fly back out, well...
I would never take to the sky again

I hide from you
I know if I show you who I am
you would be hooked too
and the last bit of energy my heart has left
would be wasted on something that could lead to my death
but it could be love, and I don't believe in anything else

cheap wine
cheap cigarettes
in a room with a cloud
floating over me
pressure holds me in place

I'm alone and have been for months
but I'm not lonely and it bothers me
that I've adapted to a solitary this state
then again, I pride myself on my interdependence

I laugh out loud
no wonder I need cheap wine and cigarettes
I lose my mind every time I open my mouth
I feel more alive the closer I am to death

I sat on the edge of my bed
three feet from me, in a chair
sat the prettiest brown haired girl I've ever seen
with a beer in her hand
saying things that interest me
as she pushes her other hand through her hair
carelessly telling me intimate details about herself
as if she trusted me, like I couldn't have been anyone else
I just sat there calm and still, watching the smoke trail off of my cigarette
trying not to notice how perfect she looks and how strangely fine this feels
I felt privileged to be in this room, loud music and smoke filled
she laid down on my bed as the night closed in
it was normal for us to sleep in the same bed like friends
but it seemed a bit different this time
we were closer than normal but it seemed right
I was prepared to fight the good fight
then I looked down at her
and I'll be ****** if she didn't have love in her eyes

the scared skin of the sky
bends and folds
as our breathing passes though it
it exists after it is gone

there is a blanket between us and the ceiling
we pass a candle back and forth
and that sweet, sweet feeling
set in real nice as I shut my door
we threw my collection of gems at the light bulb
and we missed every time
we made dinosaur shaped shadow puppets
until it became day time

feeling cool for a moment
keeps me on this planet
looking you in the eye for just a minute
I am not sure that I am strong enough to stand it

I died back in '85
but I was told my whole life
I was alive

the mattress I sleep on
is stained with my tears
multiplied with the years
of emotional trauma and fear
fear of dying alone

I pour my heart into different bowls
add some water and mix it with a brush
then sling it onto the blank walls
of the asylum
I built inside of myself
where I go to forget
that I have died before
and this is hell

the colors bent with the corners of the room
a different part of myself is in bloom
I'm redecorating my mind
as an abstract collage of everything I've learned so far
in my short amount of time

I entered back in '85
and it took twenty eight years to realize
that I have been dead this entire time

I have an ax
and I am headed your way
they can chain the doors
and grease the floors
I am going to execute your escape
and we will be two shadows in the rain
skipping to my car and driving away
and all of the witnesses will claim
to have only seen what seemed to be
a lighters dancing flame
we have found a witch!
setting fire to Mary Jane
and laughing a bit
we imagine we are in a plane
the engine roars
and we will soar into a new day

we're in my room
sitting indian style on the floor
I ask her to roll another one
then lean back against my bed
I feel heavy as if the earth is pulling at me
or the sky has its mighty hand pushing on my head
right now in my life
I'm at a weird place, emotionally
and I'm not even sure she's here for me
but it's nice to have some company when you drink
someone to hear you talk about the things you think
I feel the spark of the lighter
the heat of the flame flew into my body
like a bird to a glass door
the smoke danced like waving arms
in patterns I've never seen before
I watched our shadows on the wall
two blobs of darkness with the background flashing
from the wind knocking into the flames on the candles
it felt like taking a picture and we looked like mountains
we sat for hours as we wasted the night away
our minds faded off into the blend of smoke and music
and our words mesh into the thick, foggy haze
we found the door of the next day then walked through it

tell me who you think I am
for that, I will be grateful
as time passes, my mind has wondered
does anyone know who I am at all?
I feel undiscovered, over looked

I am a rock that people climb
to scan the horizon line
then repel back down
and unite with one they used me to find

if I had a theme song
it would be candid conversations at a bar
it would be over an hour long
and it would seem to go on and on and on

I am nothing more
than something people take pictures with
a tourist site, a mile marker
a stepping stone, a walking stick
something I'm beginning to comes to terms with

the fragrance of this room
like stale beer and stale gloom
I sit on the floor with my heart
dreaming of something or someone new
but even if it comes along
I wouldn't know what to do
the signs all say I should change
but I don't know if I want to

I should learn to loathe the ones who hurt me
instead of loving them more deeply

an eventless day with loneliness by my side
I'm trekking the barren land in my mind
and I began to realize, the happiest period of my life
was nothing more than a waste of time
love comes so sweetly and calm
but leaves in a flash of light
it's giving me headaches
I've seen it so many times
I'm addicted to the feeling
but I'm becoming blind

I remember the times when she'd say
"let's die together one day"
I would pay to have seen my face
at the moment before I turned to run away
it is funny to me how time can bring on change
now, I would love for a woman
to look at me with that type of faith
and it not feel foreign or fake

love can take on many shapes
it could be a window
it could be the shade
it could be the sweetest of sleep
it could be the thoughts that keep you awake

I watched as you drove
paying perfect attention to the road
tapping your fingers to the song on the radio
and this is when I should've known
that the road less traveled
always bring you back home
feeling as if you were never really gone

I watched as you cried
during a movie when someone died
and you said one of the characters still alive
reminded you of me
and I too, began to cry

I can still see you in perfect form
as sweet and innocent as you'll ever be
I imagine that when you were born
you didn't cry, you came into this world smiling

and that's how I'll remember you
an intelligent, kind hearted, lovable being
we're on the journey of life
I was passing through you
as you were passing through me

there is nothing that I want
maybe a bridge or two
to burn with you
and you should bring a few
we will light a fire
and design something new
sprinkle snow out on the roads
because we hate cars
and it would be fun to wreck a few
smoking in the woods
in perfect weather
two lonely people
being lonely together
collecting fallen feathers
using wisteria vines
to thread winter sweaters
making masks from mud
scaring children
just to watch them run
not concerned with
what may or may not
become of us

I exposed the flesh on my finger tip,
with my teeth, the blood tastes salty on my lips
not a fit of nervousness I'm just high strung
my brain is sorting through all of the things I'm thinking of

I like that I see your face in all that I do
I don't regret falling in love with you
you can take my hand again, at anytime
no matter if or when you may change your mind

I've been drinking for weeks
in a room where the floor creaks
from my constant pacing
contemplating everything
dreaming possibilities
limits as high as mountain peaks
even though love escaped me
it was just a bloom on a magnolia tree
a star in a galaxy
romantic love is imaginary
love in any disguise, feels the same

I still like that I see your face in all that I do
I don't regret falling in love with you
you can take my hand again, at anytime
no matter if or when you may change your mind

I opened my eyes
wrapped in covers, drenched in sweat
and with no surprise
a sore throat and an aching head
I sit on the edge of my bed
used a towel to dry my neck
then I lit up a cigarette

I wipe last nights tears from the corners of my eyes
I can hear the birds sing a song I'd rather not hear
not really in the mood for the piercing sunlight
or anything that reminds me that I'm alive, or that I'm here

how I feel is unclear
I don't have my heart, but it's near
I can hear it's screaming from pain, from fear
that same fear that I have, that I might not see it again

last night
I truly believe
that you slept like a baby
while I
tossed and turned
staring at the ceiling

I'm sitting inside of a paper lantern
staring at the candle, watching the wick dance
as I imagine myself holding the world like I'd hold myself
I put one in the air

I watch a mirror like I'd watch a tv
analyzing every aspect of me
being self conscience of what I see
I'm not so sure I'm who I want to be
so I put one in the air
and stare....

is this life real? are we just sprockets of a bigger machine?
is there a ruler that decides the fate of all living things?
no one knows....
and I don't think anything is true anymore
when we don't know, we don't learn
I've learned how not to care
everytime that I put one in the air
I'm on a pebble orbiting by the backside of pluto
further out than anything that you know
and it's cold out here, like mountain air
this is where I go when I put one in the air.

There's an entity behind my eyes
that folds my thoughts into airplanes
my ears are the terminals to the sky

There's mud on the runway
but they're begging to go outside
he moves the blocks, they take flight
the planes turn to envelopes
just harmless little notes
entering through someones eyes
and exiting through their throats
sprouting into fishing boats
floating on air with the current
reaching places only the birds go
my thoughts turn to weeping willows
covered in white insect pillows
that filter out negative tones
the tips of the limbs call the grassy ground home
and this is how we know
we best leave nature alone

my thoughts turn to snowflakes
that splatter on the window of an airplane
flying through the thunder that makes the boat shake
and when the clouds cry, the willow is made

no ordinary double sided mirror
pondering thoughts
until those thoughts were clearer
in a range of out stretched arms
a velvety skin
cannot hold on
turns to smoke
it rises then disappears
a superstitious mind will whither in time
as intelligence grows like an invasive vine
up the back
around the spine
and into the mind
a tumbleweed of a distant thought
rolls on
I have laid so long
my ambition has turned to stone
never sleeping right
never sitting still
approaching everything
as if it were too good to be real

She spat blood from swallowing rust
and I drank it up from a paper cup
then poured in some of mine from a paper cut
no matter how much we drank it was never enough
I broke a mirror and walked through a wall
she followed the trail of blood and licked it all
wrapped me in newspapers, then turned on the skill saw
ran the blade across her fingers, drained the blood down my throat through my broken jaw
I drift out on a paddle boat into the abyss of my mind
as I see her across the water on a cliff near the power lines
holding a vacuum cleaner and a coyote spine
the fog sits on the lake during this seperation between life and time
I watch from space as she closes my eyes
almost drained, she lays beside me to die
with our hands entwined
confined in a room during this seperation between life and time

eight legs ran around on your carpet
I heard the squeal through the wires
I imagine that you had stomped it
by the loud thump and absent of volume
you don't so much say what you think
but say what you are and in a blink
of a cataract eye I see
you are the painting that life
has created for me
to gaze with wild wonder
and the colors that have been spread apart
come together beautifully
covering my painted over heart

a faintly faded paranoia
slips from my head and drips down my spine
I begin to feel lighter
and I have a better understanding of life
our lives are mere circles of time
blending and bouncing around
and yours seem to have connected with mine

it's been months since I've been social
and loneliness to me is as rare
as a four leaf clover
I've grown accustomed to talk with myself
alcohol and interesting conversation
just like I was anyone else
I sit in the dim light of my desk lamp
thumbing through a photo album
with old pictures of my family
I found in the storage last month
I  flipped to a photo of my parents
my mom as beautiful as she could be
and my dad with a smile on his face, looking down at me
I turned the page to find a silhouette of them
two blobs of darkness
they were like two birds
that made a nest
I head to the kitchen for a drink
there are no words for how I feel
nor a reality for the things I think

the wind blew the suns light across the water
and the pattern formed a vibration I do not get to see often
I wonder if the current is caused by the waving of my own fist
to signal myself that I am dreaming and this does not exist

I watch the water kiss at your bare toes
as you use your finger to touch the cute little minnows
something about them swimming off together touches us both
knowing that we are never really alone while entering the unknown

rain drops catch the falling leaves
sending them towards you and me
we use the song of the blue herrings
to dance in the grown up weeds
and in awe we seen them fly up into the trees continuing to sing
expanding the sound trajectory and the way their vibrations carry
then I realize
this doesn't seem so scary

my car putters along
your sandals on my dashboard
I drive a safe speed
with my arm out the window
you stare at me through the passenger mirror
and all fears hit the dusty road
my hearts scatters off
like a school of cute little minnows

you spun out onto my rug
and swung your hair around
your bare feet stood together
as your arms swung out
I could smell your shampoo
as your hair flew by my face
you pulled me up and I fell into you
we knocked the empty bottles all over the place
then ended up face to face
on the floor, laughing
then perfectly in sync
we started singing the same melody
to the song we were listening to
but describing what was currently happening
we did what we wanted to

watching the shadow of the flame dancing on the wall
as the wind pushes through the screen of my window
your head on my chest as we drift into our dreams
then awaken by the sound of the neighborhood roosters crow
yesterday was normal for us but for tomorrow, who knows

people are beginning to gather
watching me climb the brick of this building
the breeze bounces against my face
I look up to the glowing sky
as I toss my anchored rope into your window
scaling the wall I begin to see sirens
but I am not scared, I jump into your room
I remove my black clothing and let my hair down
you take out those tubes and change into normal clothes
we walk out like we were just two people visiting you
treading the hallway slowly and careful how we move
trying not to let the paranoia gives us a *****
I do not want to get weird in here but I will if I have to
I swear on my little insect friends, blankets, and the moonlight
those cameras will capture us leaving here tonight
everything seems smooth as we walk through the door
then there are blue lights.....
but they were on the other side of the complex
we watch the reflection in the side mirrors
driving away as you use your fingernails to split the cigar
three cops drive by right as the lighter sparks
I take a left down a side street shaded and dark
the only light you can see is the fire from the blunt being passed
back and forth between two friends on the hood of a car

I imagine beautifully full trees
housing families of birds who love to sing
and we will dance as their whistles ring
piercing our eardrums then laughing
at the slight sting
because at the same time our hearts skip a beat
we realize we are where we need to be
skipping stones across a steady stream
growling stomachs waiting
for the fruit this will bring
and the leaves that will give us air to breathe
I am laying in my bed staring at the ceiling
fit to be tied knowing you are asleep without me
I can only hope you are having the sweetest of dreams

I faked my death
in a hotel room
when I was a kid
and I have been
with this family ever since
I have a brother I love
with whom
I grew up with
and all of these beautiful people
I call family
and friends

I am
the creation
from a star
mother earth
is a hover car
and people like myself
die on the windshield
too busy thinking
instead of paying attention

everything I've felt inside of a woman
I have felt outside of a woman
*** is superficial and can distract every moment


we've let our lust mask true love
our hearts go empty while our heads fill up
just because you look into a mirror
and like what you see
it doesn't mean you're happy

I'm at a place where I feel I could live forever
knowing what true love is and trying to spread it around
for us all to enjoy, together
being a good person isn't enough
we all could do better
the ship we're on is sinking
and it has got me thinking
that maybe the remedy is in the reason
for being a ****** human-being

I was feeling strange
on a nice day
at the beginning of sundown
the moon was climbing the sky
and the stars were turning on
it's the end of the week
and like everyone else
I'm drinking downtown
my friends are scattered about
and there are lots of weird people around
we're on a roof top over-looking a band
playing songs everyone knows
I walked over to the ledge
by myself and looked out
watching the streets fill up
and the lights turn on
I could hear all of the voices collecting
like a dust cloud engulfing the city
everything feels very much alive
staring up at the buttery moon
I notice a bright star to my left
and it reminds me of seeing
the first lighting bug flash of spring
I always seem to catch it
out the corner of my eye
the star is getting substantially brighter
and the sky is starting to glow
I look around and no one else seems to notice
as I'm looking at it
it's starting to look like it's moving
or rather, approaching
I have to stop to clear my thoughts for a moment
am I hallucinating? am I the only one seeing this?
and at that same moment I hear someone say
"it's getting lighter out here"
with that one sentence, everyone became quiet
the star became a round flame
that began to stretch across the sky
revealing it's size, and I, with everyone else
realize we are all going to die
everyone and everything alive
I climb up on the ledge
right before the heat burns me up
as I'm laughing, I yell out
"nothing we ever did mattered!"

I seen the mark of the beast
in the reflection of the sunlight in her hair
as she sat between my legs facing away from me
on a blanket I laid upon the ground
and the sudden breeze freaked me out
she changed things without making a sound

from outside of my body
I watched her morph into my greatest burden
and I was sitting there doing nothing
just like a good little german
as if I am secretly jewish
and she has already started the burning
but she knows who I am
and she forced me to show her
over and over again

she was like a little feline friend
running her hand of knives across my skin
fighting through my thorny ribs
she plucked out a black little berry
and I watched as the juice stained her lips
leaving me as vacant as I have ever been
and the mind of myself I found myself in

I know now what I did not know back then
that I would stay the same but never be the same again
the sound of a light switch could trigger
a three day alcohol ******
that would end with the contour of my face
pressed into my car fender
those were strange days I wish I could return to sender
or at the least not remember

to her no harsh thought is thrown
instead I build shrines for her in my head
she became places that I go
curse my photographic memory
for this is a very scenic road

an angel rushing down in the blushing sky
pushing cotton clouds into my eyes
floating like god with a devilish smile
the dreams of the fiends on the bathroom tile
scatter like roaches in the flash of light
that flickers from the ceiling in my mind
with my head in my hands I sometimes cry
I have looked for myself in the reflection of time
and no one was there so it must have been a sign
a sign for my future and that spark sure shined
I realized that life can not rewind
like a child when he watches his pet dog die
now I am swimming in beautiful grains of sand
watching the sun fly golden across blooming farm land
insects jump from the ground to the palm of my hand
who could pretend to be alone with this many friends?
who could complain of the end when the blame
is on the moment when things begin?
such a fickle life us mirror machines live
we are focused on we do not see
and in that moment we cease to exist
our hearts die in the inevitable turbulence
of grasping at the fireflies of thought our minds invent

I'm swimming in fear
down a river of loneliness
love lead me here

the undertow is grabbing at my feet
and the sun paints my face
a redness spreads over my skin

I shouldn't be worried
nor scared
after all
I am approaching the waterfall

this has become a habit
lost in the wilderness, forgotten
happiness is the tree branch I can't grab
as I go over the edge back to the bottom
I do not fear
love is everything and
love lead me here

I wonder what it is like to be alive
that slated memory has been wiped
from my pre-evolutionary cycle mind
I lust for the thought of warm blood
rushing through my veins just one more time
though I would explode from the heat
of the ever present blood red sky
doomed to live these eternal days
with blood shot eyes
and highway map shaped scars on my thighs
trying to feel any type of pain
because pain is the confirmation of life

I search the lairs high and low
for any faint sign of my wandering soul
I have climbed the smoldering trees
and I have soiled my clothes
with broken fingernails searching every hole
but where is one lost to go?

visions of everything wrong
the feeling of love lost
the face of a dead person gone
it is all here
and eternity is quite long
I sing 1985 a sad song

I am older now
looking back
I see everything differently
but still the same
there were various sides of me
that have faded but still remain
stepping stones turned into memories
I can hear a song and become someone else
then I can hear another song and reveal my true self
my life has been exciting thus far
times have been easy, times have been hard
there is always a light that will flicker
that I can forever see, and forever feel in my heart
praise the day I depart
with this world that is essentially art
when I come back
I will paint a wider picture
then manifest myself into a star
and hold everything in my arms