it has been months
since I have painted
I take a brush
and move it across the canvas
a face begins to appear
that face I smear
then start over again
illustrating mountains
with snow covered peaks
in front of a lake that shines
surrounded by trees that breathe
and only seen because of me

I lead people to the paths
that will take them
the furthest away from me
should I be hurt?
or flattered
to be the inspiration
behind their awakening?

I want everyone around me
to be happy
and sometimes
I suffer from that reality
but that is ok
every time I bleed
I still enjoy seeing
you all smiling

I climbed a tree
on the edge of the tree line
surrounding my favorite park
someone has broken the limb
the highest one that I could reach
from which I hung my heart
someone has bested me
it used to make me sick
but now I am relieved
that someone has bested me
instead of tasting the high
before ever reaching the leaves
love is not about possession
because that air is not the only
air there is to breathe
there are other trees
and I can not, in good conscience
despise whoever can climb
higher than me

a voice says
"nothing survives the night"
I am alone in this room
watching the light from beneath the shades
become dimmer and dimmer
darkness will come soon
and they will be howling at the moon
I will do some howling too
as the wind sings the dead a somber tune
energy leaves me like colors stretching through the sky
dodging the grains of sand in the infinite blue
and once the blue turns to black
it should find you
feeding your soul
until it explodes and sends the energy back
we create a perpetual cycle of light
because the voice was right
nothing survives the night

I wish I had a few peacocks
because beautiful colors
give me beautiful thoughts
and I could use that warmth
moving through my head
to heat my shivering heart

I wish I were standing
next to a tree
that was just a seed
planted on the same day
at the first moment
the doctor looked at me
I imagine the air
that I would breathe
would be clear and sweet
and the branches would be
covered in beautiful leaves
protecting me

I wish I were a song
we would all sing
I wish we were better
at being human beings
I wish for everyone
to be everything

being here before
I have learned
how to roll the stone
up the hill faster
anything to get this over with
and start again

I am Sisyphus
rolling a boulder with his fists
learning more
each time the night ends

as my feet bleed
I remember every memory
they keep repeating
every defeat
every victory

the world burns around me
no one has found me

it is just me
it always has been
and always will be
up this hill
and back down again
for eternity

this pond is alive
I can see the reflection
of fish swimming in your eyes
the trees are alive
they shelter us
from the leaking sky
we watch droplets make circles
that move like humans
expanding outward
until they disappear out of sight

we conjured spirits in our mind
and let our hearts walk around free
for quite some time
if only to see what they might find

laughing from the tickle
of the moss on our bare feet
as the rain drops ride
on the back of falling leaves
and we can see
every particle we breathe

in the wild weeds
we fall asleep
to the warmth
of the moon breathing

strange beings we are
in the front seat of my car
****** out of our tree
you kept touching me
running your fingers down my arm
my goose bumps looked like galaxies
I watched in slow motion as the cigar
let out a beautifully winding smoke stream
that stretched across the dash
like a blanket that moves
with the sound of our speaking

in between two buses
at a random school
in Davidson county
lost and impatient
you looked at me as if
you did not hate
your surroundings
for the first time
since you met me

with a full tank of gas
and it is the weekend
we drove around for hours
and laughed
we needed to see the product
of dying leaves
and I believe
on those nights
we found exactly what is was
that we were seeking