starving for air
in this cloudy room
gasping for life
with no intention
of leaving any time soon
another day
another f-cking dollar
I hope one day
instead of getting out of bed
I set fire to my sheets instead
then fall back asleep
with the courage
to put a bag over my head
I am only here because of my parents
two kids with nothing better to do
than to smoke dope and make a kid
in the backseat of the car my father
would eventually die in
if there is a point to all of this
someone please tell me
I am running out of theories
the one who stepped in after him
is about to step out
and I have to deal with the fact
that when he does talk
my name comes out of his mouth
and if he goes before I see him
it will be just another hole I live with
another reason to doubt
to seek freedom through love
but the days pass slow
we used to be ants
and now we are slugs
who has time to work for love
when money exists?
and who has the energy to lift a fist
in an effort to fight against
what seems to protects us
providing laws and entertainment
this is mental containment
and it is time to face it
not embrace it

relaxed with a touch of glee
sitting indian style
in my passenger seat
you were tossing smiles at me

there is a mountain
I feel I am atop of
but I am too high
to see far enough down
to witness myself
on the highest of ground

I pretend
my car is a spaceship
and you go along with it
you are words
I have already written
passionate yet delicate
like kisses on the head of a kitten

when you breathe in your sleep
it sounds like whispers from a caterpillar
and the words are meaningful and sweet
I can not help but to believe
that you are an illusion to me

I feel as if I am myself
staring into the eyes of myself
and you are yourself
staring into the eyes of yourself
we are symmetry at its best

I knew you were dead
on arrival in my chest
and you lie there with the rest

my heart is full of human bones
remains of people who were called back home

my life has been a series of pipes
twisting and turning through walls
of an old tattered house
I always find myself at the front door
unable to understand the lock
imagining what it would be like to walk out

I knew I had to be dead
the day I let love into my chest
and now I live here with everyone else

make something magical
write something moving and profound
Brian, make everyone proud
be it words, paint, or sound
Brian, don't let everyone down
do something smart
be someone great
stop being idle
and take your foot off of the brake
let life happen
even if it slaps you in the face
take a f-cking chance
stop being weak and afraid
people love you Brian
all the while you sit alone
thinking of ways to make them love you more
never satisfied of anything
like the women you blame yourself for
just grow up Brian
get out of your head
stop thinking
start experiencing
do something spiritual
make something magical
and write something moving and profound

I have let myself down
after I have led myself
around by the neck
through this town
the seeds I have planted
grew into oak trees
and their shade combined
creates a greenhouse house effect over me
there is moisture everywhere
be it in the air or beading down my cheek
staring out of a window
my reflection is someone I wish not to be
I embrace my loneliness as it if solving something
I tell these little lies to myself then I justify them
by the effortless excuse of being born human
accepting my mistakes without the ambition
needed for the act of redemption
I lay stagnant, a standing shaded puddle
with my thoughts drowned out by the screeching sound of
mosquitoes hatching and the erratic ******* of my blood

the soil is soft and fertile
I have this pocket fulls of seeds
but I am scared to death of dropping them

I fold my hands into puppets
and make shadows of myself on the wall
one hand is a building
the other is me climbing to the top
and jumping off

my cats began to swat at the shadows
completely focused and amused
I use my hands to make them dance in tune
with the music I am listening to
the smoke in the room added a certain ambiance
along with the perfect amount of moon light shining through
I almost forget I am sitting next to you
until you rest your head on my shoulder
then raise your hand, making yourself a flower in bloom
growing from the base of the building
I jump off and land into you

my cats bump into each other and we do the same
lying on the carpet, staring at the ceiling
watching the candle flame react from the wind sneaking in
syncing our heartbeats together with its rhythm
feeling higher than anything living

me, you, and a chocolate blunt with honey
at the end of your cul-de-sac
me, you, sitting intertwined in my back seat
watching the cars on the other street pass

you lay back in my arms
and look up at me
only then do I see what you see
the one I love staring back at me

the herb has us connected with everything
this car, we have to leave
with my arm around you
we walked the sidewalks
then lied down in the middle of a street
watching the moon in awe, too amazed to speak
for hours it seemed
I helped you to your feet
then chased you until you found the trees
and there in the shadows we fell to the ground
you put your hands all of over me
the blades of grass seemed unusually welcoming

we were exposed lovers under the stars
that no one else could see
being young and naive
is the true meaning of being free