kissing at my neck
she burns holes
through my chest
with her fingertips
I should stop her
but...
I love the feeling
of endorphins being released
it is my worst addiction yet
she cracks a rib or three
and begins
to insert her hand into me
sliding the tip of her index finger
around the bulb of my heart
until it rested in her palm
I seen the devil in her eyes
it revealed itself to me
she had a dead face
she had turned off
all of the love
she had for me
then plucked out
the source of my energy
I watched as she became
smaller
and smaller
as I fade into the light
and enter the tunnel
I begin to see that this all
begins over again
creating a different approach
to a world you already know

I entered in as a child
back in '85
spent all of the time
to learn I have
been here a few times

I creep the city streets
in the shadows
watching the spot
where she sleeps
I have memorized her routine
when she arrives
when she leaves

I catch her at the lake
where we were first alone
face to face
it is ironic
that we thought we heard
a dead body splash the water
that night
we laughed
but now
it is not so funny
it just has to be done
chasing her down
I tackle her from behind
turning her over to see my eyes
as I rip open her shirt...
I take my knife
to slice open her skin
and push my hand in
grabbing what keeps her breathing
and not doing anything
but sewing her back up
and letting her keep on living
knowing that I had the
chance for revenge
but my love for her
kept me from going
through with it
chasing her is my sentence
and her watching me walk away
is her punishment

this is hell
and this is what goes on

I am chasing fools gold
around a fools world
with foolish feet
guided by my foolish heart
fueled by the foolish breaths
that I breathe

some time ago
a few months
my brother brought over a gun
and I just sit and stare at it
like I am in love
I am not concerned about thieves
but I am concerned about being here
when I have no desire to be

I am in hell
left to imagine I am still alive
this is my punishment
I wasted my time
and now I use dark things
to find the light
there will always be a burden
that I will carry
for the rest of this infinite life
this is hell
and I have been here
since 1985

tick, tock
tick, tock
the hands on the clock
are wrong
but the rhythm
could be in the background
of any song
why wouldn't you sit
and sing along
or read a good book
take your mind to somewhere else
because this place is something else
make the time longer than it is
when we use ours brains
for learning or imagining
we can expand it
imagine an imaginative planet
people planning the future
with a common understanding
of what is and what it could be
tightening the sutures
repairing the seams
we are one collective consciousness
having the same dream

I was in the water
counting one, two, three
sinking
I knew she was a flight risk
but I could not bring myself
to clip her wings
she is anchored deep
I can still feel her arms
wrapped tightly around me
every time I breathe
and sometimes her tiny eyes
turn into little beams of light
that stretch throughout my dreams
and now I am treading water
letting myself believe
that the thumping sound I hear
is her feet stomping the ground
leading back to me
but in reality
it is just the sound
of my fading heartbeat
I am in the water sinking
counting
one
two
three
trying to wash myself
of the once tangible love
but now intangible memories
of a bird cage I left open
and the song it sang
as it flew free

I can hear my heartbeat
it is thumping
like a cat at the door
wanting attention
or maybe just wants
in from the rain
I do not know anymore...

there is an umbrella
at my front door
and one at my back door
one in the trunk of my car
and one in my closet
I had one extra
but I lost it

I enjoy the rain
especially at sundown
when the sky is champagne
I love the feeling of wet grass on my feet
and when the rain is over
all of my friends begin to sing

then there were times
when I would give anything
to see the sun shine
when my eyelids become pruned
from crying
and the constant cloud
over my head
pouring down
I would have sold my soul
to have had an umbrella
just lying around

my thought process
seems to confuse
everyone else
and it is beginning to confuse
myself
but I am not scared
I am prepared
the storms come
but they always scatter

barefoot
in the grass
as the bees
do not even
bother me
dodging my legs
passing by
like a friend
passing by
a friend
I walk under
some trees
that I am not
familiar with the species
but they are pretty
I pass by my neighbors yard
and greet him
with a hand wave
then step down the bank
into an abandoned field
wild flowers
as far as the eye can see
well, at least to the tree line
where the sun sat above
showing me what it does
there are insects
little working machines
majestic beings
oblivious to my existence
maybe that is why
this is so comforting
I can observe
without being disturbed
I reflect on where I am
watching the golden glow
on the field
begin to fade
into the night
I have the potential to fly
or climb
like the bugs
but my mind
keeps me grounded
every time
coming to terms
with the fact
that I am a part of mother earth
and my purpose
may have not
yet
been
learned

I have not seen a ghost
since new years
and it is July
the absence is
beginning to
bore me
I almost miss
the feeling of regret
when you see a ghost
somewhere around town
the grocery store
the park
maybe the gas station
or maybe in your house
sitting on your bed
you believe it is real
and you have had some bad dream
but when you lean in close
to hold what you think you have
it is gone
vanishes into the air
like a mist that did not exist
that feeling
the feeling of rejection
I love it
deep down
I have never really wanted
to belong
never really wanting to
be accepted
I just want to accept myself
for who I am
that is why I love ghosts
ghosts remind you
the past was real
but is no longer here