an insect
dropped on my hand
I am not sure what it is
the size of a grain of rice
with wings
I have seen these things
all of my life
I let it live
it is a friend of mine
neither it or I
mean any harm
it heads up arm
only to reach my elbow
then jump off
then fly away

I am content sitting here
on my back porch
alone
staring at the stars
that blanket over my home
I do not need
to be seen
to be known
I am around
all types of friends
things that fly
and things that build
webs between tree limbs
or things that crawl
around my feet
their colors are beautiful
and I cherish the comfort
they seem to have around me
there is no love
that could compete
with the love
that mother nature brings

I used to think romantic love
were the only love to be real
then as I become older
I believe romantic love
does not exist
those pretty girls
are like the insects
an equal part of
the same world
that I live in

the same feeling
you get from a kiss
is the same feeling
you get when you bond
with a friend
or when you see a dandelion
take flight into the wind
scattering
only to land
and you know
it will begin again

I open my eyes
to the smell of burnt coffee
and the staleness
of a heart
that I gave as an offering
there are bottles lining the floor
like skyscrapers line city streets
as a woman tugs the sheets
off of me
then continues to sleep
I stare at the wall
thinking
that I am sinking
into it all
the sober regret
the drunken ***
the constant fall
eventually
my periods of loneliness
ends from a phone call
and a knock on the door
women are the vampires
I always invite in for more
addicted to the dried up feeling
I get from being shaken at my core
drained of all hope
like a whale gasping for air
after being washed ashore
tossed out by what keeps me alive
but I manage to wiggle and slide
back into the water just before
the fall of night

you are going to die one day
and that breaks my terrible heart of apparent stone
it should be big enough to swallow you
but instead I might be responsible for you dying alone
you are not the welcoming type
and I was sleeping in your bed
waking up next to you
with your fingers in my hair
as your palm rested against my head
this is the same way
that I held you
the first time
that I...
well..
held you
the first time you realized
that my arms wrap
all the way around you
I once thought that
generations ahead of us
would find our bodies
wrapped around each other
and we become the image
to symbolize
true love

I might be responsible
for you
dying alone
but I will be
dying alone
too

I have a future
that I look forward to
and I have a past
that I had to grow through

I smile when I think about who I am
and how I treat people
I realize my smile is not a sham
if my senses tingle in public
it is because I am where I want to be
and I love it
I know when my heart is hurt
I can feel it in my stomach
because I know myself
life gives you two options
love it
or end it
I choose to
wake up tomorrow morning
and live it

there is something
sinister
about love

I will steal you
if I feel that I should have you
I will **** you
if I think that I can not have you
if I hurt, you bleed
if you leave, I die

in the end, everyone dies
love either smothers you
abandons you
or never shows up at all
you can either adapt
or start drinking
and really let it break you
let the weight bruise your muscles
and crush your bones
once you let love in
it never leaves you alone

when love is mean
it gets thirsty
when love is good
it becomes work
either way you are burnt out
and need a drink

life is just a flat stone
that we skip across
the vast universe
that we call home

I am sitting outside alone
with a blown out arm
and thoughts of a telescope
in freshly cut grass
I am watching the heat lighting
turn the distant sky from black
to pink and gold

I am walking
not sure where I am going
I have some ideas
but they are not growing
though I water them
constantly
not knowing
that my dreams
are becoming weeds
and vines
wrapping themselves around me
keeping me from being
who I should be
and this should frighten me
but it does not
I enjoy the company

and as the heat lightning rolls on
I wind back and toss my stone
out into the unknown
and watch as it sinks on the first throw

I faked my death
in a hotel room
when I was a kid
and I have been
with this family ever since
I have a brother I love
with whom
I grew up with
and all of these beautiful people
I call family
and friends

I am
the creation
from a star
mother earth
is a hover car
and people like myself
die on the windshield
too busy thinking
instead of paying attention