I am at the age in life
when you have to be patient
the road I chose was the price
I had to pay to see the destination
most people grow bitter
but I embrace it
I now know who I am
and I have become stingy with appearances
love is my currency and home is my residence
my presence is not free, my friends make that evident
they have paid for my presence
I see myself in all of my friends
and in myself I see all of them

I am older than I have ever been
and feel younger than I have ever felt
I find myself looking at life
the same way I imagine a children would
everything is beginning to seem new again
I seek a higher quality of knowledge than I was given
all the while realizing it is all a matter of perspective
and it was always up to me to decide my direction
the physical world I live in does not feel like home
just because I was born a human being
does not mean that I belong

I am in some sort of transition, as my body gets older
I start to feel the pains from the life I have led
and it is difficult to stay sober
but my mind is expanding
like a cup spilling over
and my heart is an unidentified flying object
that just seems to hover
like a raining cloud that follows me around
and as I approach a puddle
the invisible hand of karma pushes me down
but life is bigger than me
I am a part of the randomness
that just happens to be

you can buy my love
I am selling it for a song
make it one I know
I want to sing along
is it strange
that my brain
wants to make love
to another brain
or my soul with another soul
on the astral plane
I feel as if I am the only one
who thinks this way
I have searched for a partner
but only found memories
I have searched for a high
that led myself to the floor beneath me
I am constantly reaching
for something, anything
and now I am believing
that I just want someone to want me
for the man I have grown to be

her eyes
my eyes
my hand on her thigh
her hand on mine
we were young
and time
was not on our side
our love was complicated
but wild
our feelings for each other
were anchored deep inside
I find
myself being that version of Brian
from time
to
time
I thought that part of me
had died
but the only time
that I lie
is when I lie to myself
and I do so
time
after
time

I don't know how I feel anymore
some days aren't that scary
then there are days
where I question whether
my presence on this planet is necessary
I am a grown man but sometimes
I set aside some personal time
to be alone, just me, myself, and I
to cry
I will admit, Life gets to me
and instead of hating everything
I love everything
but that comes with a price
it keeps me up at night
thinking of the hungry
and the innocent that forever die
I think of them all of the time
so I cry...
while listening to happy songs
my tears only travel with smiles
I deal with my troubles in piles
though it may take awhile
I manage to clean up the mess every night
and then the next day I see everything
in a slightly different light
I appreciate everything that comes with this life

I am older now
looking back
I see everything differently
but still the same
there were various sides of me
that have faded but still remain
stepping stones turned into memories
I can hear a song and become someone else
then I can hear another song and reveal my true self
my life has been exciting thus far
times have been easy, times have been hard
there is always a light that will flicker
that I can forever see, and forever feel in my heart
praise the day I depart
with this world that is essentially art
when I come back
I will paint a wider picture
then manifest myself into a star
and hold everything in my arms