If you are lucky
Sometimes before you die
You figure out your purpose

You realize why you are breathing.

Some still say life is a waste

You live you die and who knows
What's next

But while living you can't truly live
Unless you're living for something

In my case,
There's one reason
And one reason only
That I'm alive
That I'm trying
That I'm sane

There are these 6 kids
All younger than me
All look up to me
My very own blood

Everyone of them have been
Through hell and back
Have seen what none should have
They're mentally stronger
Than any I know of

They are the reason I get up in the morning
They are the reason I stay in school
They are the reason I stay away from the drugs that have caused the downfall of my family

They are the reason I'm alive.

And in living for them,
My only goal is to make them proud
Show them that if I can do it
They can do it.
I'm here to somehow make things seem okay
To make them feel safe
To make them know how wonderful they are
To make them feel loved

If I didn't have them
I wouldn't be who I am today
I'd like to think I was put here
To save them

But in all reality,
They were put here
To save
Me.

He never asked me to write about him,
That's why I do.
He never expected much from me,
But he did hate
When I didn't say goodnight
Before I went to sleep.
& I hated how I couldn't find
A **** thing
to hate about him.

I do  hate
that I don't
hate him.
I do hate
That he
Didn't say goodbye that night,
Before he decided to leave,

& I don't even think I said goodnight to him
that night
Before I went to sleep

I was chasing a butterfly
In a field abundant with flowers.
I tried to catch it,
But it flew away.
And even at that young age
I was already too familiar
With things
not intending to
stay

I've known him
For less than a month.
I can count on one hand
How many times I've seen him.
But with all truth,
his face has not left my mind.

But how could someone
Who I hardly know
Steal my breath so quickly?

Maybe its the way he laughs throwing his head back
Maybe its the way he sings led zeppelin songs at the top of his lungs
drumming on the steering wheel while driving
Maybe its the way he held me,
Tight in his arms
I felt so safe
I could be anywhere in this world
But all that seemed to matter
Was the way he'd look into me
No words can describe the way I felt while in his arms
Entangled in eachother
And a million blankets and pillows

He told me too many times
That I was pretty
I denied it everytime
I explained that I'm an insecure
Mess
But by the end of that conversation,
I agreed to take out my hair extensions
And makeup.
No one has ever gotten to me
So deep.
And just by the way my body trembled
When we kissed,
And the way he looked
With his shirt off,
His body, pure art,
With a cigarette
Hanging out of his mouth,
Oh I never wanted anybody
so bad before.

I've been numb for quite some time,

I forgot how it feels

To feel

I forgot what it feels like

To be left completely speechless  

I forgot what it feels like

To breathe

Sometimes I find myself
Wondering why
You never really gave me a chance.
There were always other places
Other faces that you needed to
See.
I just thought maybe
Instead of you leaving,
You could have stayed long enough
To tuck me into bed
But then again I guess I'm too
Greedy
I'd rather you have stayed
the night
I could plug in my christmas lights
light a million candles
And open my window
So the moon beams shine in
And we could lay and embrace
And with my head on your chest
I could listen to  my favorite song.
We could be silent
We could talk until morning
We could star gaze
We could dream
Just as long as our hands are
Intwined
And my hair is falling across your
Chest.

But the sad thing always is ,
either way,
I'll be waking up in the morning
And the candles
all blown out
The lights unplugged
The window and curtain closed
My hair falling across the pillow
And spaces that were meant to
Be occupied by the warmth of
Your body are left unfilled

So I guess what I'm saying
Is that I've felt emptiness
Take ahold of me
The same time you
dissapeared from me.

You could have stayed

You should have stayed

I wish you stayed

Long enough to tuck me into bed

he reminds me
of my father
of a ship sailing on the sea
of the sun
of the moon
of the leaves on the trees
he reminds me

of all the things that will leave