I can no longer bear to see you within my dreams

So instead I'll stay awake until the morning sun arises and I see the light peeking through my window

Then again,
I find myself all through the night
Writing songs
pretending they're not about you

It doesn't matter what I do though
That's the thing

Awake or asleep

What's on my mind
Is still always you

For some strange reason
Underneath my hard outer layer
Deep down in my core
I ache to feel
The thing called
Love
A mere emotion
That blinds you from reality
A mind altering
drug
Give me it
I crave it
I need it
Before my body begins to crumble
Before my breath begins to fade
Before my blood runs dry

Before its too late
Before my heart turns cold
Before I'm too numb
to truly
feel

He came off having a tough exterior
As most men do,
And when I traced my finger tips
Along his back,
I could feel him shaking.
He is numb.
& I'm here to make him feel.
Maybe he will like the way affection feels.
Maybe he will like the way I say his name.

I say, "tell me something"
He seemed uneasy.
So I touched his hand softly  
And he glanced into my eyes
& he spoke of his demons that haunt him,
And the secrets burried deep inside
His frozen heart.
I just sit & listen.

He spoke of the past;
All the betrayale of trust
And broken promises.

These are all familar things to me
I know dissapointment & lost trust
Like the back of my hand,
But I say not a word,
My ears do the talking.

"You deserve better"
I tell him,
He knows that.
But you can tell he doesn't exactly
Believe it.

But I could feel him becoming less cold.
The emptiness he had
Is now being filled,
So I continue to touch him,
Until he's completely filled up,
Emptiness is a waste of space.

Oh, how he craves love.

So we give ourselves to eachother
Skin on skin
The most expressive, in depth
Way to say
1000 words lined with 1000 emotions
Without even opening your mouth.


We lie together,
And drift off into the dream land,
And I rest my head on his chest
And feel the beating of his heart.

I hope he wasn't expecting
To awaken next to me in the morning,

Because I won't be there.

I'm off,
Onto the next,

Still searching for the man
Who will fill me up
Who will melt the ice of my heart
Who will make me feel
Who will give me love
Who will listen

& Who will be by my side

Even when the sun rises.

I'm simply just too numb
I can no longer feel pain
My heart was once located within my chest
And it would beat
To a song implanted
in my body and my soul
forever
I still do recall the melody vaugely
Sometimes I wish I could hear it
Just one more time
Then maybe I could get some sleep  

Where my heart was once located within my chest
Is now nothing but a hallow storage
Keeping and holding possession of a stone
A stone that is cold as ice
A stone that is as tough as metal
A stone that was once a heart
That was as fragile as a piece of glass
But someone dropped it
And what a mess it did make
And it was left on the ground
With no one to ever attempt to
Clean it up, fix it
No one has the time
To put the pieces back together
Plus the cracks would remain
And surely fall apart again
And no one has time for puzzles

And once broken and empty
That storage in my chest was hallow
Hallow enough
You could hear echoes
But there was no sound
The silence engulfs
There was no longer a heart beating
And most importantly,
There was no longer a reason to care

So the stone remains
In the exact place it was mounted
Still just as cold
Still just as hard
Still just as silent

But I still vaugely remember
The rhythm of the beating
Of my heart before it was broken

Play me that melody one more time
Turn this cold stone into
A million little pebbles
And place them in a jar
And dump them into the sea
For the heaviness in my chest
Is weighing me down
I've forgotten what it feels like
To feel
Play me that melody one last time
And make it echo throughout the
Emptiness of my body

Make me feel
Make me feel love
Before its too late

"lose me"
he said
the last words he'd ever speak to me

but i'm already lost within him

and now i'm lost without him

When I hear his name
I try to hide the excrutiating pain
Deep within me
That's bound to spill out in a way
creating an eruption of
unexplainable and uncontrollable emotions
I try to cover up the way I feel inside
Just like the way I cover up the way I look
On the outside
All I know is nothing really works
Whether it be xanex
Or a tube of concealor
Nothing stays hidden forever

There's one place
Where the rain washes away all pain
But also soaks and drowns you
Where the breeze flows softly
through your hair
But also makes you lose your breath
Unable to catch it again
Where the sun shines on your face
But also burns your skin
Where the light never dims
Which keeps you from sleeping at night
Where you're holding
the world in your hands
And you realize it is only
but a grain of sand
Where everything that makes you high
Also makes you feel so low
Where what makes you happy
Is also the cause of your downfall
Where the flowers bloom
But also die before they can be admired
Where time heals the pain
But also where time just faded love
This place is where I'm at
I'm stuck here
Yet I belong here