Oh The things that you do to your body
To cope with mere emotions
To numb a heartache
To blind your insecurities.
You cut your arms until you bleed
You swallow pills until you can't see
You drink yourself blind
You starve until your bones
Are protruding out at every inch
You cry so hard
You can't even breathe
So you continue to hold your breath
You hide away always feeling ashamed
You have *** with people you hate
You try so hard
But you never succeed
In ending all your pain
So after trying all the alternatives
Which of none suceeded
You decided it was time to leave
This pain behind
So you smiled and waved and said your
Goodbyes
Looked in the mirror one last time
With a sorrowful look In your eyes
And you Loaded that gun
And you Put it to your head

Now the once beautiful you
Lies Dead on the floor

Are you happy now?
Did you eliminate all the pain?
Are you beautiful now, as you rot in the ground?

Many tell me,
That if I can never love myself,
I can never love another,
But this heart beats
Solemnly for love
to be pumped
Throughout my veins
into my blood stream
Filling my body
Keeping me alive
I was created
To love
But the love I have
That is circulating
Through me,
Simply isn't enough love
To learn to love
a
monster
Before I can love
You

In this life you are given
There's too much to uncover
deep within your mind
Your heart
And your soul.
There is much, much more to live for
There is more than what meets the eye.
In no way is living
suppose to be
Where skin and bones are what
Determine you
Or your beauty
The true location for this
Can be found burried deep in your chest
True beauty is hidden
And can only be seen
By those who truly look inside.
In no way is living
Spent being unhappy
Focusing on materialistic objects
Or the deceitfulness
Of money.
Money is not real
Money cannot buy you
What your soul secretly yearns for
In no way is living
Swallowing a couple pills
To make you feel something
when you are numbed
By mental pain
Or heartache.
If you are empty,
May you always
be filled with love
May your wells of happiness
Never run dry
In no way is living
about
letting a man
Sink into your body
Your precious, naked, body
Which is Meant for creating and sparking
A special love connection
deep within your soul
And another's,
Not just for the pleasure of your body's
Fullness & Quivering.
In no way is living
About the opinions of others
Directed onto yourself.
You must dig deep within,
But not expect to find a treasure chest
Full of gold
Salvation lies within.
In no way is living
Meant to be something painful.
When the sun rises at dawn,
You should be rejoicing
You should be at peace
Life is more than just existing for a certain period of time,
Then withering away deep in the earth
What's in Your soul
And what's in your heart
Will continue to overpower
All evil
For eternity.

You just have to find the true meaning of what it is to live.

I finally worked up the courage and said
To the boy who wrecked me
"Did you know I write poems about you, if you want, I'll let you see"

Before the boy could say anything
I decided it was okay
to let him see within my soul,
To see the words I never could seem to say

The boy has bright eyes
But he simply can't see
How much he hurt me
But how much he still means to me

The boy replied
"Well I can say I've never had a poem written about me"
I didn't understand
How could that even be?
And I sat there in disbelief

I told him I've written far more than one
So he asked "how many"
I lied and said "a few"
But its more like infinity.

Now that was it
That's all he said
Now all that's left of his words
Float around in my head

I hope he liked what I wrote
I wish he told me he did
Even if it was a lie,
Because the boy doesn't understand
That I'll be writing
poems about him
Until the day I die

I sometimes dwell on the past
Always around the time of season
When You said
"you're not the one for me"
You had eyes my dear
But I guess you just couldn't see
That I was willing to do whatever you wanted
Me to do
I would be whoever you'd want me to be
I'd follow you wherever under the stars
Even far beyond that
Maybe farther past the sun
But my time chasing after you
Now is done

These words I'm writing down
Don't matter
They never will
You'll never see them
You'll never be able to understand
Or  uncover
Exactly what they mean
Or to what extent
Words are just words
But you can use them to paint
A vivid picture of just about anything
But I don't think words can describe
In detail
The pain that flooded me with your goodbye
And the heart wrentching
memories that circle around my
Mind with no end.
Its very strange another soul could
Have made me feel a way I can't
Exactly comprehend
My heart is cold and icy
And
Pain hit me like lightening
Even in my innocent youthful years.
But then came along this boy,
Out of nowhere
And within minutes of conversing
I felt my heart swell
And within a blink of and eye
just like that
He simply made me feel.
Oh how my fickle heart ached
For his attention
He was nothing but a boy
With bright eyes and a diesel truck
Always looking for trouble and
Getting stuck
But he was not just a boy to me
He was my everything
He was something to look forward to
A spark of light, hope,
In the dark depths of despair.
But he never knew
How much he meant to me
And I guess I never really told him
Either
But time changed everything
We both went our seperate paths
With bitterness aimed towards eachother
I tried to get him to understand
To try to see through my sad eyes
But he wouldn't
And my heart cannot get over him
It belongs to him even though it shouldn't
So I'm enclosing my heart
In a jar
In a mason jar
For a boy named mason

I don't mind waiting,
Counting down the continuous hours
As if they're an infinite amount of stars
Up in space
I don't belong here
This isn't my place
But I'll stick it out until the end
Until I finally see your gleaming face