The past is now behind us
Leave back all that ruckus
Step forward high and free
A new day starts for me
Start to live in the present
Today will soon represent
The new life that you're given
And ends with you to heaven

It all started as a simple road trip to see the one I used to love. She's sick and doesn't have much longer. I drive there alone and almost get myself killed along the way, but I arrive safely. I get there, welcomed by her family. We eat and she's not there. Her dad gets a call that they all have to leave for New York that night, but she's still not around. They all decide to leave me in charge of her safety. I go to see her and tell her that she can go to New York and I'll take her there. "I would rather die here. Please leave me alone" she whispers to me. I push aside her request and take her to the airport. Along the way, we stop at the light I look at her, move closer in, and there's where it ended.
What a dream...

Over the past year and a half
You have been struggling with pain
But despite that pain and sadness
You are fighting with little complain

You show no signs of defeat
Do not show any sign of doubt
Because you have a while until life is complete
Because your time will never run out

You may think you're not good enough
But stopping now after all you've given
Just you stopping right now seems tough
You should try again and continue living
We were fresh out of our dark cocoon
We really never saw this other spectrum
We were like the space race to the moon
Not knowing anything ahead, not some
Neither of us was prepared for the future
That future to us is now known as the past
And it now feels like a continuous torture
That I made mistakes that won't be my last
Now a simple statement about relationships
From quite an amazing and hilarious movie
They're being there when someone needs you
And to add on, it's to make each other happy
I don't know about you but I felt success then
I was happy and you're there when I'm needing
If not know then I am going to wonder when
When is my open heart going to stop bleeding
It had stopped for a while when I was with you
Now it's as if it has been punctured once more
I hope that you can now thing this all through
Then choose your final thoughts closed door
I think what we had was absolutely spectacular
It was always simple and to the finest point
We made each other laugh and that was all
We still have an opportunity to mend the joint
What we once had was perfect in every way
But the main phrase there is "we once had"
That'll haunt me throughout every single day
Because it indicated the past which is sad

It must mean you're never tough
Making you feel inferior to us all
Even if your life is becoming rough
You can't even cry when you fall
Tears can't flood from your eyes
Tears can't escape from your head
Even if family or a close friend dies
You can't cry tears of dense lead
All I wish to do is sit down and cry
I want to forget what others will say
I wish that no one close will ever die
But that won't ever happen anyway
I would sacrifice myself for anyone
No one will waste their tears on me
Once I'm gone my tears will be one
My soul and dignity will be set free

Sometimes I want to curl up in a ball
Just to cry and let the tears flow away
Sometimes I wish to give you a call
Just to realize I can't do it anyway
Sometimes I hope I can just fly home
Just to be told that I am already here
Sometimes I feel so cold and alone
Just to realize I am with no one near
Sometimes I wish to be happy again
Just to realize I can but I just don't try
Sometimes I want to get rid of this pain
Just to see that my tears have gone dry
Sometimes I wish to leave this place
Just to realize I'm stuck for a while
Sometimes I wish I can let my heart race
Just to realize my heart is now in denial

It's not a word I really use often
Especially calling someone beautiful
Sure I think some girls are attractive
But to be beautiful is different in my eyes
Some people think it's to talk about looks
I say it's mainly personality and looks
To be beautiful in my eyes is difficult
I have only told one girl she's beautiful
And it's because it was the absolute truth
I have called other girls pretty recently
But I haven't said they're beautiful
And it's nothing against them, honestly
I just say one much have great personality
And a great amount of self confident
Along with this thing called beauty
In order to be called beautiful in my mind
Will I call someone else beautiful again?
Most likely, just when the time is right
And when I find the right person to say
"Hey, you are an absolutely beautiful person"
"And don't change a single thing about yourself"
It will happen sometime, maybe not today
But eventually I'll say she's beautiful

I'll leave it plain and simple
I'm currently living in the past
Each memory creating a wrinkle
But these times were a blast
I had enjoyed my life back then
I had a person close to my heart
We talked again and yet again
I thought I found my missing part
That's what set in undesirable pain
I fell deep into a hole of nothingness
I'm standing alone out in the rain
Waiting for the return if greatness
But that shall never come to me
I'm living in the past and losing hope
My life is now dark and terribly nasty
This nastiness can't cleaned with soap
I'm living with a questionable future
I want to relive what is in my past
I want to leave this horrendous torture
And erase all thoughts of you at last

For some strange reason
I feel that I must write this
I am not sure what to say
I guess I'll just start anyway
I'm not sure how I feel now
I'm having ups and downs
Not liking who I've become
I wish this was all finally done
I put myself in pain everyday
I never try resisting any hate
I use this hate and fear to rise
Rise above all as a surprise
I miss the person I used to be
Happy and loving of the world
Now I wish to just leave it all
Letting myself continue to fall
Unsure where to go with my life
Going with where the flow goes
I'm not sure where to even start
I could just follow my dark heart
But that's been wrong all along
It pointed me to failure in my life
I thought it could help me through
But it just led me straight to you
I thought you were the only one
The only woman important to me
I know now that I was just wrong
I know it was never you all along
You just destroyed what remained
I now have nothing in my heart
I can't blame everything on you
It was my fault, I hope you knew
I was the reason it all went to hell
It was and is my fault it all fell apart
I am the reason I'm who I am today
It was my fault with this price to pay

You left me a long while ago
You moved away, leaving me
Paralyzing from head to toe
I am slowly able to break free
I now have moved on far away
I now feel energized and happy
I live to see another glorious day
While your end is closer to see
I feel that you are already dead
Watching over the world you left
Listening to every word that's said
And watching every single theft
You are watching me as I write
You are happy I have moved on
But it feels like you're out of sight
And you are now forever gone

Does it even matter anymore?
Us together is now out the door
All communication has stopped
This mess can not be mopped
You've moved on and I have not
You just left me out here to rot
You seem to really not even care
As I slowly tear out my own hair
I'm in pain and regret at this time
I'm in despair and your just fine
Why do I always seem to worry?
With moving on, you're in a hurry
I'm sinking in this endless quicksand
I hope to reach out and find a hand
There is no help nearby to be found
As I'm suffocated under the ground
I'm now defeated by my own heart
As I'm slowly getting ripped apart
Now nothing seems to matter to you
You've even forgotten friends here too
You're focused on life away from here
But I still feel the presence of you near
But it doesn't matter anymore, right?
It's time to end it all and end this fight
I'm saying goodbye now when possible
Maybe after all this pain, I'll be invincible

A commonly asked question upon the masses
Is what does the word love really mean?
The feelings we get when times passes
When we are with someone close and serene
Those feeling of happiness flowing through our veins
Getting rid of all of the troubles and little pains
The want and desire to be with someone at any moment
Staying with that certain someone, so both remain content

This poem is more of a rant
If you don't read, that's fine
I just feel like I need to vent
Share the recent life of mine
I don't know where to begin
I'll start at about a week ago
We were in Hawaii, a big win
Love there continued to grow
Yet I also felt down and alone
There's a lot she didn't know
All the times I called her phone
I'm was starting to fall for her
I didn't even see this outcome
I thought I had found my cure
To take me out of my own glum
I can't decide to just go for it all
Or sit back and watch it unfold
I'm always the first to give a call
She called first which was bold
I don't know what to do there
But I have something else to do
I wonder if she will even care
But I could see someone I knew
I haven't seen her in over a year
We had been apart for some time
We were close and our hearts near
But now it's hard to even combine
I kind of want to pay a simple visit
But I'm not if that's her preference
I don't want to strike memory's pit
Especially after our new indifference
She seems to have moved on better
I'm stuck in the happiness of the past
My mind is still stuck in the gutter
I'm looking for just a simple blast
To shake me loose so I can decide
If I want to move on or just to hide
I don't know if I should make a move
Or continue to move with the groove
Im stuck between two tough choices
I'm trying to follow what my heart says
I can only hear many different voices
Each telling me about different ways
Telling me all about any possible end
Telling where my life could possible go
Telling me which decisions to defend
Right now, I'm clueless and I don't know
I don't know which direction to go head
But I'm done for now, after that's all said

It's now over a year later
I have now moved away
I have forgot about her
But this isn't the same

I feel the same as I was
Every other day I lived
Now I'm in all the buzz
The center of attention

She was a dear friend
That was inseparable
That reached the end
When we parted ways

Now I don't feel different
I feeling nothing special
Yet is what I am saying
Cause patience is crucial

This all is new to my life
Moving on from someone
To someone completely new
I now have a brand new you
And this cycle is never done
Until the ending of our strife

I'm clueless at the moment
At what exactly went wrong
I'm unsure of what to do now
Cause feel like I don't belong
You say we can still be friends
Not the first time that was heard
Last time it was a complete joke
Ending in me shattered and hurt  
Now, I don't feel as much pain
It all seems to fly over my head
It still continues to steadily rain
It seems to not stop till I'm dead
I can only assume it was my fault
I did something to turn it all around
I can't waste time wondering why
When I know nothing can be found
I must move on once more in life
And I'm sure it will not be my last
Because life is full of many surprises
Where you can't be living in the past

No one will know
When the end will occur
This unknown foe
Will ****** out in a blur
I wish I knew when it’d come
So I can make my last words special
Sing to you in a gentle hum
That I love you and that’s all
I want to pour my heart out
I want to go climb a mountain
And then give out a loud shout
Proving my love to you in the rain
But no one knows when it’ll occur
Snapping out at us in a blinding blur
Ending life whenever it shall choose
Fate always wins, and you shall lose

I am thinking about what to do
Should I move on now or do it later
Thinking like this was never new
I just don't know if I can date her
She is a wonderful young woman
I am thinking about her everyday
Her great smile with my dull grin
It doesn't go together in any way
But opposites attract one another
I like her but she may not like me
It's as unpredictable as weather
Whether I'll be stuck or set free
With each and every passing day
I push another opportunity away

It seems like life now is great
Your life consumed by dance
You seem to have a full plate
Seconds will not have a chance
You've posted a few photos
And there's a smile on your face
If it's true or not, nobody knows
It's just sitting perfectly in place
I don't want to intervene anymore
It's your life and I intend to stay out
Ignore all I say and continue to soar
I'm always nearby, just give me a shout
You're happy now it sure seems to be
And if to remain that way, forget about me
Because your living life as a women so free
Flying high above where others cannot see

Whenever I am with you
My worries will fly away
Whenever you're in view
It brightens up my day
Any time we are together
I feel like I am able to fly
Everyday I feel lighter
Until we say goodbye
I am relaxed as can be
I dream to touch the sky
When you're by my side
I feel like I will never die

Every single night
I think about your face
So happy and bright
Perfect in all the little ways

So beautiful and sweet
There’s one thing that is right
No matter how far we be
I know you will look beautiful tonight

I think about you every day
Think about us living life
Perfect in every single way
Living free of all the strife

How can I not think of you
It’s impossible to push it aside
Keeping the memories fully through
And not leaving a little detail behind

I love you with all my heart
And that is the full truth
I don’t want to fall apart
Because we’re still in our youth

If you ever take a tumble
I will always pull you out
I will search through rubble
If you don't give a shout
When you fall, I'll be there
I will heal any of your injuries
I will heal any scrape or tear
When you fall, I'll have the keys
I will always be there to catch you  
Like no one else was ever able to
With one last thing that I like to call
I am here to catch you when you fall

I know these annoy you a bit but I hope that you understand. I know that you know that I'm a mess and I know that you know that I know nothing that's going on in your life. You do know, however, that I know that you know that I miss you and everything but I know that you know that I know that you're happy right now it seems and I don't think you quite know it yet but I know myself that I am very grateful that you're happy even though I know that you know that I know that I wish it could be me but I know that we both know that there is nothing left that we can do. I do not know if you know what I'm saying but I know you may know what I'm saying now because I know you're intelligent and my hopes with this is that it helps you know the truth more and helps us both know our past so I can know that you're doing okay. All because I miss you and I hope you're doing okay. I'll try not to do any more of these because you know that I know that these confuse you a tad but I just decided to do something that I used to do a while ago. Anyway, goodnight, have a good day, and maybe we can talk again. If not, I hope you're doing okay. Yeah, I'm done know. Sorry for annoying you with this

Lately I've been thinking of you
How you have been everyday
What in everyday is then new
I can think of you in any way
I really want to talk to you
It's been over half of a year
And for me, nothing is new
There is a lot I want to hear
Now with every passing day
I have a want to talk to you
And I have so much to say
That I can only say to a few
This want to talk is now a need
It grows and grows like a beast
Ready to finally at get it's feast
Waiting as my open wound bleeds

I put together all pros and cons
I consider any new consequences
Through being awake and yawns
I think more on this very decision
At times I wish to ask her something
Then the next I despise the thought
I think about how it can create a ding
Or even a dent in this shifting fault
I wish there's an easy way to decide
Instead of thinking alone while I hide
While the water contributes to a tide
That'll slowly make me reveal my side

I know that there is nothing left
It's all gone and left in the past
I'm not expecting any response
But this message will be my last
I just hope you are always okay
I hope you're life is always great
I'm happy to see you've move on
I'm not able to at that same rate
I'm still stuck in the past, oh well
I'm glad you went to prom and all
I'm truly happy that you're satisfied
But I wish us both didn't rapidly fall
If you wish to stop this is the place
I want to keep this short and clean
You're forever my only Polish buddy
Both of us made one amazing team
If you are to continue, just good luck
All I'm going to say is absolutely true
I am not the person you remembered
I am not a hundred percent over you
I do fear getting in another relationship
I fear getting way too deep once more
Just to fall even harder again and again
Just to get up and fight my internal war
I think I found someone else to be with
But I'm not sure anymore with my mind
It's been playing tricks on me for a while
Distracting me and making me fall behind
I still remember some dates clear as day
Someone can question me and I'll know
I can't shake these details out of my head
I wonder what it'll be like if you didn't go
I've been thinking about you a whole lot
Wondering what you're doing everyday
That's nothing I should even think about
I have my own life to worry about anyway
If you wish to talk, I will always be here
If you don't, that's fine, you can be free
Free of my annoyance and complaining
Now is the time that you can forget me
I really had to say that for some reason
I'm sorry if this will hurt you in any way
I just want you to be happy and you are
And maybe we can talk again some day

It happened a year ago in this date
I saw your face for the very last time
Although that day wasn't that great
It keeps my shaky life somewhat in line
Wasn't thinking about it much back then
I thought I'd see you in the near future
Now it's a matter of where and when
Your face blooms again like in nature
It feels like such a very long time ago
Much longer than this one lonely year
When I'll see you again I don't know
I do know an opportunity is now near
I wish to see you in my life once again
Yet I will worry about seeing your face
It'll bring back memories and the pain
That are frozen and locked in place  
My feeling have changed a lot since
Us no longer close is one of my fears
Thoughts about you makes me wince
As I try to hide my emotions and tears
I know since then we've drifted apart
You've moved on and are now different
I'm the same, healing my broken heart
I'm wondering where my old friend went

I can’t believe tomorrow’s that day
Where we kind of went our own way
But that will always be one important day
On that special 22nd day of May

I often tend to wonder why
Why I even think about you
As I look for hope in the sky
I can never find anything new
I could be overly sympathetic
Or just easily be able to forgive
I am simply just really pathetic
I must push to continue to live
I have compassion in my head
Forgiveness is in my cold heart
Without it I'd probably be dead
Never again with a fresh start
Trying to forget your presence
That will forever be incomplete
My mind seems to feel dense
Clearly full of undesirable defeat
Moving on from you is my key
I can't live life remembering you
Although you've really helped me
I must move on to someone new
It's going to be an agonizing ride
Trying to push you out far away
These memories I must now hide
Maybe to see again another day
A necessity finding someone new
Not as easy as it is in my dreams
Not clear when I can forget you
I need someone seal loose seams
I'm not sure who this will soon be
I do not even know where to start
Finding someone to make me happy
Will heal my lonely and cold heart

Let the search now commence
Although it started so long ago
If I had enough common sense
I would be confident and know
I'm looking for someone to hold
It's simple and easy as can be
I take all of this advice I am told
Using it just to let myself fly free
I feel pressure holding me down
Keeping me from flying far away
I wish to search out if this town
But that shall begin another day
I'm searching for a heart healer
Not a pretty face to to peer into
Everyday I will be able to hug her
Being the best guy she ever knew
I wish for her soul and heart near
I'm searching for happiness in me
I wish to wash away all inner fear
Of being blinded and unable to see
Unable to see the world as a whole
Blocking away my heart and my soul
This search keeps on moving onward
The only direction to head is forward
Not remembering failures in the past
Finding myself true happiness at last

I remember it all clear as day
Every simple date we shared
You had to just push it all away
Like you no longer even cared
You left my life a long time ago
It was before when you will think
I just kept on going with the flow
As it crept nearing to the brink
You've been now for a long while
I still have all dates in my memory
Leaving me down and in denial
From the start until you left me
You're already gone in my life
But you still live in me somehow
You pushed me through strife
But that's far behind us all now
I wonder why I still think about you
Or why I still worry about you being
You seem to no longer have meaning
Other than that one girl I once knew

Going on nightly walks together
Hand in hand, happy as can be
Extremely fair and clear weather
Walking with heads high and free
Going together to the school Prom
Having the best time in our lifetime
Feeling like that is where we belong
Enjoying time when the moon shines
Laughing at every single pointless joke
Talk about al ideas coming to our heads
Going on dates together until I'm broke
Chatting all night while we lie in our beds
This should be us at this very moment
But you left my life fast than you came
And now my life is in constant torment
As my life always has a constant rain
This should be us living the best we can
You're now with you guy from your dreams
I always though I was, but you weren't a fan
Apparently this guy is better by all means
You're happy now; I'm in constant despair
You're constantly smiling; I am now crying
I always thought we were the perfect pair
But that idea is leaving as you're dying