is it alright
if I let you go?
maybe then I'll find myself
or realize that I need you
for me to be myself

you sit there
with your dark brown eyes
and unshaven face
I sit here
wondering
is it worth it?

I never appreciated sleep
until I was up all hours of the night
thinking about you

I trusted you
but
you proved me otherwise

silence
staring down your opponent
waiting for the other
to initiate battle
screams start ringing in your ears
you run forward
waiting for the first punch
you're hit
you feel the blood
rushing from your body
you stay up
until one fatal hit
graces your body

I wish your mixed signals
were more
obvious and easier to understand

you will never understand my love for you
because it's deeper than the ocean blue
and it will always be there
unlike your old teddy bear
you see, why wouldn't I?
when you keep asking why?
just remember to never let your emotions
control your everyday actions

being the worlds worst friend
is so true
but I want you to know I'm trying
I'm trying so hard
to become a better friend

one, two, three
you walk past like nothing
everyday we say hello
I ask you about your activities
because I just love hearing your voice
one, two, three
will love ever choose me?

I have gotten to a point
where I don't think I even deserve
*love

I love how you never treated me right
but now you say you still like me

I still cringe every time
I see your car

talking things out
has seemed to work for me
cause the more I ask
the more I find out
the more answers
I have to my problems
and I have found the root
of my anxiety
and my desire from perfection
but don't be surprised
because
*you are the root to my problems

every day I see you
my mind races

9 months of my high school career
dedicated to you
it revolved around you

so close and convinced we were
"in love"
like we would be high school sweethearts
that grow old together

every day
all the memories of you
us
go through my head
every kiss, every hug, every laugh, every cry
stuck in my head

I try to forget you
I try to remember you have moved on
found another girl to fall in love with
your deep brown eyes
and freckles that make a map of your soul

I try to tell myself that we have both moved on
some days are harder than others
the only thing I truly know is
even if I had a second chance at your love
I wouldn't take the risk of falling again

you push, shove
bashing my head
on the cold concrete wall
just enough times
to make me fall in love

it's so hard
seeing someone you love
*shrink

the only thing that gets me through
the night is
picturing you there beside me

I hope you remember me
when you're making love to her

second chances
are for the lucky
they don't come very often
so I am going to make sure
I don't mess this up again

what I like most about you is
you won't let me give up

tears stream down my face
"do you know how beautiful you are?"
why compliment me
when you have me pinned on the crowd?
you finish and you hold me
kissing my forehead so delicately
you kissed me goodnight when you dropped me off but it was so gentle
and sweet
yet I wonder why I can't get over you

this cold weather
does nothing but remind me
of little parts of you
and the only warm thing
is the smile I have
when I finally left the cold

your smile makes
my heart
explode like
a firework

what is happiness to you?
what do you think of when you hear the word "happiness"?
what objects or symbols flood your thoughts?

you say that I'm your
inspiration
to be healthy
you're my
inspiration
to stay alive

just a normal Saturday
you walk in but I don't hear
you sneak upstairs
but screaming can't save me

you little thing
so frail and innocent
what I'm about to tell you
will hit you
like a ton of bricks
and I'm sorry
but please don't cry for me

the lump in your throat
stingy in your eyes
and maybe your nose
your vision gets blurry
but soon you can't choke
back the tears
they fall with no regret
your chest heaves
breathing in between weeps
your mouth trying to stay closed
but it can only muffle so much
before your crying floods

say something, I'm giving up on you

we argue about the slightest things
we always voice our opinions
but you say you would rather argue with me
than be with someone else

I'm learning to love

your eyes shine like I have never seen
and your touch is different than those before you
but I feel like my love will destroy you
inside and out

and I will swallow my pride

my corrupt soul is what is going to send you running
and my unexpected nights of crying
and wanting to end my streak of being clean
but you still hold on and refuse to let that scare you

and anywhere, I would follow you*

you seem to know best for everyone
but do you know what's best for me?

having someone like you for you
is so heavenly

four months ago
you convinced me to lie
"I'm going to a friends house"
when really I ended up at yours

no one was home
you took me to your room
you convinced me to get in bed with you
got me naked
"do you want to?"
I don't wanna ruin so many friendships
but we did it anyways
I was so unsure

it was too late to tell you "no"
you were already on top of me
inside me
there was nothing I could do
it seemed like forever
but you were finally done
I laid there motionless

you convinced me we would be together
you lied
you used me
for all your ****** desires
your face haunts me
the memory haunts me late at night
I wish I would have never done it

your face causes great pain
it makes me want to tear myself open
and watch myself bleed out
it wishes I wasn't here
it makes me cry late at night
but no one else knows this
and I wish no one else did