a cigarette in it's box
toys stuck in plastic
paint in the can
the girl inside of you
the happy one
we are all
*trapped

I still cringe every time
I see your car

teenagers
halfway between being a child
and an adult
too old to play with toys
but too young to have adult conversations
we drink, smoke, sleep around
until someone takes advantage of that
and ruins us forever
but it doesn't matter
because we are teenagers

your words of hatred
make me crumble
like a sand castle

this cold weather
does nothing but remind me
of little parts of you
and the only warm thing
is the smile I have
when I finally left the cold

talking things out
has seemed to work for me
cause the more I ask
the more I find out
the more answers
I have to my problems
and I have found the root
of my anxiety
and my desire from perfection
but don't be surprised
because
*you are the root to my problems

what makes you think
I have the time for your games?

silence
staring down your opponent
waiting for the other
to initiate battle
screams start ringing in your ears
you run forward
waiting for the first punch
you're hit
you feel the blood
rushing from your body
you stay up
until one fatal hit
graces your body

just a normal Saturday
you walk in but I don't hear
you sneak upstairs
but screaming can't save me

four months ago
you convinced me to lie
"I'm going to a friends house"
when really I ended up at yours

no one was home
you took me to your room
you convinced me to get in bed with you
got me naked
"do you want to?"
I don't wanna ruin so many friendships
but we did it anyways
I was so unsure

it was too late to tell you "no"
you were already on top of me
inside me
there was nothing I could do
it seemed like forever
but you were finally done
I laid there motionless

you convinced me we would be together
you lied
you used me
for all your ****** desires
your face haunts me
the memory haunts me late at night
I wish I would have never done it

your face causes great pain
it makes me want to tear myself open
and watch myself bleed out
it wishes I wasn't here
it makes me cry late at night
but no one else knows this
and I wish no one else did

I will get thinner
I will be skinny
I
will
do
this

I never appreciated sleep
until I was up all hours of the night
thinking about you

i. I'm too much to handle
ii. I always worry about things I can't control
iii. I argue about everything
iv. I don't love myself
v. I'm numb
vi. I never want to do anything
vii. I get upset easy
viii. I cry all the time
ix. I can be the biggest *****
x. I feel numb and nothing

my grandpa smells of
stale cigarettes and air freshener
I was told he quit 30+ years ago
I try to believe that
he has the will power
but why does it smell like
he relapsed?

it's so hard
seeing someone you love
*shrink

everyone has someone to love
but some just haven't found that person yet

you push, shove
bashing my head
on the cold concrete wall
just enough times
to make me fall in love

I love how you never treated me right
but now you say you still like me

your smile makes
my heart
explode like
a firework

exploring the ruins of ancient Italy
reminds me of exploring
the dark parts of your soul

second chances
are for the lucky
they don't come very often
so I am going to make sure
I don't mess this up again

I wish my heart wouldn't spark
for people I don't need
like tim foil in the microwave

people say they are ready for zombies
to invade and take over
but have you ever walked
into a high school and looked
at all the zombies there?

140
you're ugly

137
i like skinny girls

133
your legs are giant

130
your arms jiggle

127
sure you wanna eat that?

123
you've lost so much weight, why??

120
*worthless

but maybe you did
*******
because you couldn't get a
high
from loving me

**** you for making me feel like this
                          treating me so right
             leaving me behind
                       kissing me so sweetly
but **** me for falling for you
                 and your tricks

sitting in a bar by yourself
he walks up to you
"is anyone sitting here?"
you tell him no and he sits down
he makes small talk
"this weather is terrible"
you laugh at his jokes
hoping he will leave you alone
"let me buy you a drink"
sure, just cause it's free
he gets closer to you
you're too uncomfortable to move
his hand moves to your leg
"let's go dance"
you tell him you aren't the type
and he smiles and reassures you
you go for one dance
then go back to the bar
"let's get out of here"

medicine
it's got me all over
I feel like the bed is moving
with nothing underneath
people trading on beds but
I can't seem to move
the ships leave now
but with everyone
so who is holding my hand--
I look up and see-- you
you kept your promise to stay
oh Ethan

find someone who
makes you smile
laughs at all your jokes
calls out of the blue just to say hello
watches disney movies with you
brings you your favorite coffee

find someone who
holds you when you cry
tickles your back
makes you soup when you're sick
listens to sad music with you

find someone who
lets you be you

what is happiness to you?
what do you think of when you hear the word "happiness"?
what objects or symbols flood your thoughts?