but maybe you did
*******
because you couldn't get a
high
from loving me

**** you for making me feel like this
                          treating me so right
             leaving me behind
                       kissing me so sweetly
but **** me for falling for you
                 and your tricks

your smile makes
my heart
explode like
a firework

I like you
          you like her

I wanna keep time
with the freckles on your back

I will get thinner
I will be skinny
I
will
do
this

I just want to be
*pretty

I trusted you
but
you proved me otherwise

the only thing that gets me through
the night is
picturing you there beside me

what if all of this is
just a dream?

what is happiness to you?
what do you think of when you hear the word "happiness"?
what objects or symbols flood your thoughts?

it's hard to look at myself in the mirror
seeing every place you left
your mark

please understand
that I'm not what you think
I'm full of surprises
sometimes the mask comes off
please understand
sometimes it's not you
sometimes it's me

I still cringe every time
I see your car

my grandpa smells of
stale cigarettes and air freshener
I was told he quit 30+ years ago
I try to believe that
he has the will power
but why does it smell like
he relapsed?

all I hope for anymore
to be confident
to be sweet
to be honest
to be concrete

I wish my heart wouldn't spark
for people I don't need
like tim foil in the microwave

are you going to let him destroy you?
use you?
he has manipulated you
he is the poison you've been drinking
its time for rehab

your words of hatred
make me crumble
like a sand castle

is it alright
if I let you go?
maybe then I'll find myself
or realize that I need you
for me to be myself

every day I see you
my mind races

9 months of my high school career
dedicated to you
it revolved around you

so close and convinced we were
"in love"
like we would be high school sweethearts
that grow old together

every day
all the memories of you
us
go through my head
every kiss, every hug, every laugh, every cry
stuck in my head

I try to forget you
I try to remember you have moved on
found another girl to fall in love with
your deep brown eyes
and freckles that make a map of your soul

I try to tell myself that we have both moved on
some days are harder than others
the only thing I truly know is
even if I had a second chance at your love
I wouldn't take the risk of falling again

exploring the ruins of ancient Italy
reminds me of exploring
the dark parts of your soul

you little thing
so frail and innocent
what I'm about to tell you
will hit you
like a ton of bricks
and I'm sorry
but please don't cry for me

I have so much to say
but I don't know where to start

what makes you think
I have the time for your games?

one, two, three
you walk past like nothing
everyday we say hello
I ask you about your activities
because I just love hearing your voice
one, two, three
will love ever choose me?

I already let myself down
and didn't keep up to
my resolution

tears stream down my face
"do you know how beautiful you are?"
why compliment me
when you have me pinned on the crowd?
you finish and you hold me
kissing my forehead so delicately
you kissed me goodnight when you dropped me off but it was so gentle
and sweet
yet I wonder why I can't get over you

I have gotten to a point
where I don't think I even deserve
*love

I did exactly
what I said I wouldn't do

I wish your mixed signals
were more
obvious and easier to understand

being the worlds worst friend
is so true
but I want you to know I'm trying
I'm trying so hard
to become a better friend

I can't believe
I just let you play me
I let you convince me to reveal myself
oh god forgive me

why are you
so perfect
just being you