exhilaration pumping through my arteries and shyness clouding up my mind.
my shy eyes and nervous smirks. you look at me and i look away.
i look away.
holding hands until the creases between our fingers sweat. you kiss the tips of my fingers.
sitting in the park at three in the morning and i could listen to your voice and watch your lips all night.
sing me to sleep. lay down your head. i run my fingers through your hair.
kissing. my body tingles. stomach whirls. head spins. i am floating.
and then i give myself to you. swallowing temptation. i cry. you understand.
you understand.
you say that you can see in my eyes, i am sad. always sad.
it's okay. he repeats.
i like you. he says. i'm sorry, i just like you. he repeats.
you accept me. i am dreaming, i am dreaming i am dreaming.
long walks along the canal and piggy back rides.
you impersonate the terminator. i sing the arctic monkeys.
meeting your family. my cheeks are red. i feel welcomed. still uncomfortable.
i am awkward. i am awkward. i am awkward.
traffic on the freeway. arizona sunset. i tickle your hands.
you drop me off. awkward kisses. sadness.
the feeling of knowing someone for a long period of time but not knowing someone at all.
i am laying in bed. i like you. i am frightened. you are my enough.
negative anticipation and i am swimming in my pool of fear.
please don't hurt me.
breathe me in.

beautiful boys make me want to explode into a bunch of little animated hearts.

my body feels like the darkest part of the ocean.
take me back to the surface and unwind the chills.
there is an achor on top of my back and i am walking on lit coals.
my brain is dead and i feel quarantined.

i clench my fists and curl my toes and close my eyes and just smile at how cute you are. my stomach whirls thinking of you. i feel like i'm in elementary school again and i don't exist.

my mind is just an ongoing stepping stool.

i am the never ending emptiness in your stomach when you're hungry but you can't bring yourself to eat.
i am the pounding of your heart before it bursts inside of your chest from the overdose of ******* you've blown into your brain.
i am the purple around your eyes after you've hit yourself in the face ten times with all of your might.
i am the steam coming out of your ears, the blood vessels popped in your eyes, the rupture of your eardrum.
you will give me your heart and i will throw it in my blender with my oreo ice cream and slurp down every last drop, then later i'll just **** it out.