someone gave me cherry coke today
they turned to me and said
"sorry sir, thought you might want this"
it caught me off guard, sure
but who am i to say no?

CR
      A
          CK
goes the can
i inhale the sweet cherry flavor
so unlike anything i've ever had before

i've been drinking diet my whole life
why hadn't i tried this before?
it's strong yet still sorry
way more flavorful than diet will ever be

yet how do i tell people i prefer cherry
when ive been drinking diet my entire life

"oh, she loves diet
that's what she always drinks"
that's what they'll think
they won't know
i drink cherry coke

passively observing
not really paying attention
someone scores, i'm not even sure who

everybody screams

i hit the floor
tears in my eyes
it's so ******* loud

suddenly all my clothes are too tight
everything is wrong
my head is pounding
hands over ears, kneeling on the floor

he grabs my hand

squeeze
breathe in
squeeze
breathe out

"are you okay? i know how you feel"

i need to say i'm not
i don't know what's wrong with me
just a little screaming
that shouldn't make me cry

instead
i smile
"i'm okay, thank you!"

Grief is a funny thing isn't it
one girl is dead you know who cares?
one other girl
we all know her friend killed herself
and we continue like nothing happened
but there's a life gone from this world
one girl won't wake up with us ever again,
or go to school with us ever again
and she only got one girls tears
we should all be crying for her
so why aren't we
why do we only cry when it affects us
i cried for her today
for her and her friend who lived
one of them is dead
one of them is cursed to forever live with
the fact that the other is dead
that kind of thing never leaves you
she'll always feel guilt over it
even though it wasn't her fault
as will i

you're all i could ever want
never romantic but you're still the one
i look at you and see who i could be

we aren't so different are we?
a couple years apart
still, you mean the world to me

do you ever look at me and think
"he's who i used to be"?
maybe i'm the strange one
for seeing me in you

cherry coke and a gender crisis,
say you see yourself in me
say i'm not imagining it

i love you
everything about you

the letters you send
yellowed parchment wrapped in a red bow
they're just ink on paper
yet they're everything to me

you're everything to me

yet
i still wonder
who am i to you?