A B c D E F G h i J K L M n O P Q R S t U V W X y Z


everything I need to change the world around me.

Newport Beach, what is it with this town everybody drives too fast
yeah we all noticed your lime green Ferrari when you sped past you *******
"vanity plates" doesn't begin to describe the aluminum cast egos
"RICHFOX", IGOTABS", "FASTCEO", plates on a Bentley
"My other car is a Land Rovy", "*** I heart ME"
and these stiff ****** walking around in hand tailored three piece suits
they'd have em sewn outta greenback cash if it was weatherproof
three thousand dollar watches on hands reaching into deeper pockets
they've got money clips where their ***** should be but that’s OK
because their personal trainer's just ******* em for their money anyway
I wish I had thought sooner to invest in a Hoover vacuum and some safety glasses
I could've made a fortune having the fat ****** out of their pampered *****
lazy ***** skipping out on two-hundred a month gym passes
or on a treadmill in six hundred dollar Dolce and Gabana glasses

Jealousy isn't my point it's the way they treat me
I roll up a sleeve, show a little ink and suddenly I'm beneath their feet and sinking
it's an interesting cliche the Orange County caste system
I'm an untouchable on the wrong side of the money math's division
I'm lucky to get a Hi, Hello, or How's your morning going
forget about small talk on the elevator it's a capitol offense but in their defense they are pretty busy
Blackberry, cell phone, head set, text the boss, black cherry, compact, secretary's lip gloss
plus they can smell how much my cologne cost and by their looks i just smell filthy without the rich
I don't speak any French but does "couture" mean self-centered *****?

Newport what is it with this town everybody loves themselves too much
they're living life for the corporate success ladder climbing gush
55 at the 5 by the 405 and the 22: the Orange crush
every freeway you ever needed to feel free to live in a huge rush
the reason their sick cars mash six speeds on a German clutch
to hurry up and get to next seasons sales meeting about nothing much

Newport what is it with this town they aren't birthing humans they're breeding the rich
working the counters for the nouveau riche
Newport everyone I've encountered in this town is a self centered *****

prepared for any kind of fight; rifle, helmet, knife, even glaring teeth
she comes at me like I'm a hive of bees
but who can blame her, after all, who's really adequately prepared to handle me

she only cuts shallow and jabs, never stabs for the heart
unlike me, she won't ****, unsuited to play that part
she's a survivor, she heals, I'm a comet in it's one bright radiance before breaking apart

anxiety makes you shudder like a dump truck coming down a bumpy street
depression dictates who you call, when you work, what you eat
if you're not bipolar then i'm afraid the three of us will probably never meet

punching clinched fists through doors is a cheap circus trick
but taking out the anger is dangerous without something to hit
because it pours it up, tries to drink itself down, and drowns everything around it

my remorse stiffens me in bed next to her sleepless I wear the darkness, rigamortis and black suit
I feel my poison wilt her, bend her stems, dull her colors, shrink her roots
i have burned all the wood in her pile just getting started a fire the size of my selfish pursuits

carrying sandbags roped onto me one parent and sibling at a time
dragging the chains of days barely survived still hooked into my skin like the other memories of their kind
I stall her pace, hold her back, make her trudge uphill, I make her climb
but her undaunting patience somehow persists in her, in me: still, calm waters sublime

She comes at me like I'm a hive of bees prepared for any king of fight
only wanting to save me, to heal me, to give sleep back to my nights
bread for it, I show teeth and cut for blood and she continues to be the definition of grace in my life

snowy skies dusk blue split in two by a sun and a moon
divided, I'm constantly chasing the light to the horizon line, looking for proof
to finally let go or to continue, hanging on, clinging onto
the thing I hold so dear, my small precious piece of you

my small precious piece so dear to me, the soft light from a warm flame I still stoke
my smallest, but cherished memento of perfect days
ephemeral but preserved, the time you were near to me before these sheets were cold
the candle lit rooms behind locked doors where our love met when even the walls would breathe hard and sweat
we were close like the edge of a day and the start of a night, close as threads stitched together tight
fingernails in backs like squeezing a first crush, eating up the deafening hush of saying nothing much
the coils of us two twisted up in ways lovers never forget, like a first touch meant
before the toils of dismemberment when even I could still remember what forever meant
but with every new sun and moon "ever" never arrives and tomorrow arises again too soon

I was trying to hang pictures of us, of kisses and smiles and of affection's glow
by tacking nails into the glass walls I built, I know
but before the "should've knowns", before I knew, there was pure, ethereal You
a truth in an innocence actually held true, unbroken and unabused, belief that two could be infused, that I still have to latch onto
so short those times, so dear, my precious small piece and so wasted the time since, without pursuit
trinkets of the mind but like treasures polished by going over them again and again with affection
thoughts never forgotten because they meant just the perfect connection, a protection not misused or askew
because of my love for my dear, small, precious, treasured piece of you

I want it back, I want you back, I want it back so badly more than I love or lust or envy
but it's damning every time I begin this again, it begins to be the ending of me
the dismantling of all sanity, the self fulfilling prophecy, the ending of an infinity
it comes running the haste of it, craving just a taste of it, moving backward through days never erasing it
never a hope for looking forward, no interest in a face in the crowd, no want for replacing it
too late or too soon split between a sun and a moon retracing it
yes
this endless chase the breadth of it stretches farther than me it's bigger than worlds and smaller than sands
wider than the sides of the dreamscapes inside of me and too small for grasping hands
it's smaller than subconscious whispers of confidence and bigger than screams of insecurities
it's deeper than black oceans, a void no light could fill
it's too small to keep, smaller than a second past by, and then smaller still
the size escapes me, unattainable it will always be painful in ways that deepen with age
now the chill of this winter is warmed only in how many blank white blankets I fill
writing it out to throw it away, feeling only that the next page is empty still
yes, yes
I feel so empty still and I do try to fill the silence between words and the lines between poems
and the loneliness between smiles on a face growing old
yes I feel so empty still because I know only you can give the missing feelings, gone missing for me
with the one thing I've kept unchanged inside of myself since it was inside of us two

my dear
small
precious
piece of you

hellion, hedonist, this wilderness is my rome
pleasure and beauty, tools of duty, the great beasts' death-roll moan
self-righteous, epicureans, the unrighteous, we march, hard as stones

grease stick make-up, relationships made up, growing up on our own
fake hair sprayed up, ******* laid up, hemorrhaging it all out alone

nothing is free and we spend every dollar
hollow and wasted we chain our own collars

hardened, abused, neglected, rejecting all things inspired
we burn up dancing closer and closer to the heat of the beasts white fire

in our youth
we are the romans
and this is our empire

my dad was a workin man
mud on his boots and rust colored hands
cigarette in his mouth and Carhart pants
covered in sawdust from the projects he'd sand

we were family but how he saw us I'll never understand
and there was always my mother so he always needed another plan

we were technically a family, the few of us just us three
in a house like a boxing ring the loving was left up to me
four poor walls held together by two wedding rings begrudgingly
you could starve to death there if you were the one hungry for sympathy

my mom was a violent woman, a true fighter
hot tempered and her temper would start hot fires
at a young age I was inspired to learn to fight back because I was tired
of the beatings, of the yelling, of fake apologies, of the mire

we were a family but how she handled us I will never admire
she wanted us forever but the fates conspired

we were a family through all of the calls to the police
we were a family through the jealousy, the paranoia, and the deepening grief
we were a family that went to war and ignored peace
we were a sick body on it's knees that knew only disease and no relief

then of course we were a sailing ship forced on it's inevitable course
Divorce
then us three became him, and her, and me, the source
now I have no recourse to heal those old sores

My dad was a boxer and my mom was a volatile pyre
fourteen years on that noose and fears are all I've acquired
what transpired has made me hollow and lonely and scared of today because of the prior
and whoever tells you, you could survive that unscarred is the worst kind of liar

Into my blood like a poison's sharp bite
you rush into me suddenly and your effect excites
your presence resonates in me with a musing delight
and I give into the death of wanting others, with no fight

I succumb to the mysteries in your almond colored eyes
I pull you in close to me and hold you tight
push your hair back and move past your guise
and realize that here with you no rule applies

I move into you so close I can feel you breathing
so close I find the rhythm to your heart's beating
closer still till I feel your blood heaving
closer than skin touching and each movement teasing

so close but the kiss would be cheating on this
anticipation
so time stops as I pause an inch away from your lips
with a longing hesitation

Not ready to end the journey to say I've arrived at a destination
not when every hot breath is the perfect flirtation
not when the wait puts me into those eyes with fixation
not yet when I enjoy so much finding the solutions to our complicated equation

but then our lips meet because nothing can stop gravities thrusting
and I dive into your warm kiss with a white hot lusting
with no restraint I come at you with a craving crushing
and I realize with each next kiss that neither of us are rushing

and an hour goes by and then it's been two
and an entire evening unwinds into just us two
and the world is refined to just me and you
and each next kiss makes the night glow a golden hue

I've no place I want to be but here
and my words never seem to make that clear
so I'll tell you tonight with every way I keep you near
and we will just kiss until the hours all disappear