oh how we worship the pretty people
despite them being the source of so much evil
and lust to be just like them
we find so much ******* believable and think each of them a gem

the glamorous, the beautiful, the ****
"did you see the new tweet? after the show I hope they text me!"

we follow them through the movies into their church steeples
hollywood and all it's heights of it's anointed peoples
the magazines are their bibles and we hold none of them liable
for the lies they've told or the lives they ruin being unreliable
with every story they're spinning
they want us to believe they're "winning"

marriage, divorce, wife number three
new baby carriage, move to the golf course, life under palm trees
remain calm and know things are always ok if you can sing and be pretty
I pity the soulless with hot faces, no social graces but lots of *** in the city

and we love their scandals we can't get enough
every news stand proving america has more than a crush
on the movie stars, on the models, on their cars, on the rush
of thinking we could be them if we just got a new nose and a tuck

who put Brangelina's kids' new brother on every magazine cover
but never the military heroes who live to protect you while they duck for cover?

**** the sheep who keep the weakness in our families
who want the news filled with the new runways fashion and grammys
instead of the problems that need solutions and what real life should mean
we need action and my reaction is to lift the small faction of thinkers up to be seen
we need a cause to cut loose the famous like weights and hate their *******
ignore the models, shun the actors, pay the teachers, appreciate the surgeons

being pretty is a gift not a skill
being hot isn't exactly curing cancer or healing the ill
but we still want what we can't have, much worse than reality
another prada handbag under the disposable christmas tree

them or us, I don't know what's a worse diversion
I guess I'm just not pretty enough to be a "real" person

I want another first kiss
for every minute with you I've missed
for every single past time we could have been each others only tryst
the very first, the very first time that love would exist and persist

I've searched for you in every line on every page of every poem I've ever written
in every mile since leaving home in every day of life I've roamed and never forgiven
over every mountain I've crawled and in every depth of every dark sea
I've felt you like a heartbeat and I couldn't breathe or be whole without you defining me

you are my religion in every bright hope it promises
even with all of doubt's dominance
the struggle will never again seem unbelievably ominous
if I could just have your hand regardless of any consequence

I was created to chase you to the ends of this flat earth
to show you and prove to you what true love is worth
I am only worth half of what you're meant to be
and I must show you what the other half shines like inside of me

please listen to a man on his knees
I would never lie and ask you to believe in belief
just see that you love me so deeply too
there is only the thought of one in combining us two

the sun never finds it's way up my sky without your smile
there is no heart wrenching pain too rough in these trials
if you come to feel the same things that I know to be true
that there is never self there is only me and you

oh god can you even breathe without me?
doesn't your soul remember?
that all that being alive could ever render
is just a peace here in it's splendor without a temper and so glad to surrender

I will kiss your lips and love your laugh and crave your essence
and never feel content without your presence
and always watch every doorway everywhere we visit for you entrance
and read every whisper on your skin for every message

no one loves as deeply as I do and every thought you have you know it to be true
search for me
because we deserve to feel this
I ache and I ache but I am so happy just to search for you

I will find you and I will hold you so close that skin won't just touch it will shiver
I will fill your heart's fissures and you will remember
that all a soul is good for is finding it's other half
and no one has ever been so adored as how I adore your perfect face and sweet laugh

I love you more than I have the words to give you
and that makes a poet's love the truest truth

I don’t know if I have enough heart left to give to anyone else in sharing I’m always
back at the start just trying to be myself and pretend I’m caring and it’s glaring me in
the face this stalled pace                       at which I’m                      crawling through my
own life trying not to                                    cringe                                 from the deep cuts of
the knife that you all                                                                                       call love it all feels
to me like a clifftop                                                                                            kiss goodbye with
a hard shove and                                                                                                 from where I
stand it makes me                                                                                                 wonder if I
misunderstand it                                                                                                  what I thought
was the right way                                                                                               that I should but
apparently I really                                                                                             misunderstood
and it all makes me                                                                                         beg and cry out to
everyone in this part                                  please save my heart        there’s so little  left of
the me that could ever                                                                           believe couldn’t this
god ****** world just                                                                      once let me keep a little
piece all I ask of this terrible                                                           wretched ******* lifetime
is a life that’s actually all mine                                                   let me build something and
protect it and keep it safe as my                                          own beautiful charm safe from
the chaos and the harm am I worth                              so little do I count for so much less
that I should endure my heart being                      belittled and beaten under this much
stress I don’t even know anymore how to       trust and the machine that has become
my day to day survival is so filthy with rust I just want to feel like I am a human being
with some worth and knowing deep down that I never will be, is the very worst.

I've been writing the same tired words
weary from forever trying to explain you
to the same endless song
repeating itself to me in your every kiss
ever since we started this game that we play
of me loving you
with a fondness that still remembers you, pure
loving you with depth that will always catch your falls
and you always pulling away from me
pushing me away
taking a needed piece of me each time you stray
making it a little harder to heal
making it a little scarier to feel
a little harder to keep hope in a new start
making me a little harder in the heart
when all I need from you, is all of you, just one time
because you would never want to leave the embrace
of a best friend kept in a lover's mask with a poet's need for only you
if you would just look into my eyes
that see only your beauty, blind to your scars
what you'd see would tell you
that to me you are perfectly imperfect

but the song repeats and somehow all my words fail me
in forever trying to win you, to charm you, to keep you
and the infinite sadness that is loving you
burns me again as I pull it's flame even closer
trying to make you mine at last
in every word I say all you have to hear is the truth
if you ever want to believe in love again, believe now
we are the proof

because every time we lay down together
and I wake up alone
I crack a little deeper, I become a little more fragile
I lose a little more I haven't got left to give
I turn a paler shade of ghost
and the crime is never punished
because you never stay to see
that you're killing the one person who loves you most
with every meaningless kiss you give me

I die a little
with each meaningless kiss

jealousy
it's forced regrets are ****** me
it steals the songs from lullaby's
it steals all rest from sleep at night
it's eating me one tooth filled grin at a time
it hates with hate filled lover’s crimes
I'm cringing sick I can't escape the wreck
the squeezing grip it has around my neck
I'm losing hope with every painful breath
there's no sign of it's end in length or breadth
it beats, it brawls, it scars, it darkens the sun
I use to think that I was the only one
until all that jealousy stole
it's consuming me whole

what happened to the hope filled light
in my bright eyes that could see through any fight
now I'm lost in every one of her wrongs
where has all of me gone?
consumed by her consummation with lies

I miss my bright eyes


jealousy
pondering where she could be
imagining my wide imaginations worst
thinking of her affections with a choking thirst
who has her hand and where she wears those skirts
who can get close with lines and flirts
fearing all a man can fear alone
fearing down into aching bones
this is a war I cant win filled with brimstone and spite
it keeps me wondering and wandering the streets at night
it steals the light from two bright eyes
the ephemeral boys' once beautiful view of life
I think of all the things my new outlook holds
jealousy is consuming me whole

surprised by her consummation with all of the lies
I miss my bright eyes

every time I let the memories back in
I lose her again
every time I think of now and then
I've just lost my best friend
all over again
and I roll over again
tossing and turning in bed another night
making a night's sleep another fight
hiding my eyes under covers from the morning light
knowing that nothing now can make it all alright
and my heart aches and my chest squeezes tight
and I lose hope, and I lose my desires, and I lose sight
of anything that could make me whole now
of what could help me relearn to be proud
and I cringe, and I scratch at the sores, and I gush pain aloud

what can ever make me whole now?

true, I gave her up, I cast her like a stone
just to watch the ripples and to be myself, alone
but they never explain the solitude of the throne
or the anticipating the mail and the waiting by the phone
or the feeling of no arms around you like losing your home
like watching the fires of your greed burn down all you've grown

I'm sorry for every time I yelled
I'm sorry for all the bad memories her stories have to tell
I'm so sorry for her pain ringing like a bell
not fading fast enough like she can't forget me fast enough for it to quell
because I broke our spell
I'm sorry for the distance and the personal, inflicted hell
and the feeling of nausea that is nothing can make either of us well

with the depths of this consuming hole as I fall, not proud
and the pains that make me wince aloud
what could ever make me whole now?