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Brandon Barnett Jan 2013
they say stay strong
and i tried
but hearts stray and betray pride

a thousand nights
I held you as you slept
I counted your breaths
and the beats in your chest
my lullabys because i loved you

but your hands never meant
to ever be held
you pushed me away
my affections forgotten
for the freedom in a strangers touch
confidence consumed you
as the door closed tight behind you

i stayed and waited
for you to hunger for the love
missing between us
but with hourglass somersaults the days passed

until you had need

no love you’ve come to look for but
your every secret mine
hunger brings your knocks
my door locked i must decide
to turn the key let you come inside and see
if i can resist the skin and the kiss
of my cherished pandora

yes
i see your tight dress
your baby doll lips
and bedroom eyes
my favorite fascination
so i seccumb
to the jasmine scent
of a lovers heat

my lips soft across your neck
my mouth made
to trace your shape
familiar friends fondest games
and so we play

no love left to be made
i take the delicate shape
the perfect petals of my precious baby girl
and i *******
my long walk out of eden

and so your head finds the pillows
and my hands find your warmth
and your sounds fill the room
and i ignore the tears

they say stay strong and i tried
Brandon Barnett Dec 2012
It flows through me passing into me taking part of me as it leaves
streaming by like a heavy wind draining my fresh hopes it thieves
time
is taking more from me than even the breaking of me took to survive
now nothing mends as days past by lend only distance contrived
this fall into passing years has found no bottom yet
and it makes every instance I hear the words "I love you" another debt

and I have paid, I have paid and bled and learned to bend
only to bleed again and lose friends and find withdrawals with no end
time
is the riptide I struggle in, being swept farther from any safe shore
it is the hungry predator that never quite kills but thirsts always for more
more of my life eaten
more of my flesh beaten
more so I'm made the ******
never, never, never does it rest while I'm still breathing

none of the new years are kind and the months are more of their cruel kind
the days and the minutes become the haunting ties that bind

I am so far from any good memory that I miss them like childhood loves
time has become a terrible keeper keeping me from rising above

all I want is to look forward into my days and see hope for happiness
as my youth slips, I see time is not a clock on a wall it's an illness
it's not a hand on a dial
it's the cost of every step of every mile
it's not a chime on the hour
it's the pain that makes aging sour
it's not a schedule for sleep
it's the loss of every yesterday it keeps

and I've had my fill of the chills and it's hurtful tricks
time is the illness we all share as it ticks
time is my best days gone, my illness with quickly burning wick
and with it, I am so sick
Brandon Barnett Dec 2012
happy and care free
the side of me waiting inside me that you'll probably never see
a "me" that can't stand the sight of myself outwardly that you'll probably always believe
the person that I want to become when I overcome my defeats

It's the way your eyes lie to me that makes me light up inside
I'm happy to have the chance to change my hold on pride
they draw us together like the sides of a satchel with strings pulled
oh how I love to be fooled

those eyes, that color, their light, your stare
they make me forget everyone else and forget myself and not care
they draw me in with a whisper that asks if I dare
they pull me in like a scream rushing at me through lust filled air

it's funny how eyes can deceive so believably

teach me how to lie
I want the same fake happiness you see as a prize
teach me how to lie
I want the same hollow affection that gets you by
teach me how to lie
show me how the honest heart's noose needs to be tied

teach me how to lie
because the truth is I can't survive my own life
Brandon Barnett Dec 2012
I will walk the miles in your heart
the distance it takes to prove my love
I will trudge the sands of your time
the moments you need, to know I will stay
I will chase storms into the ocean
and beat the waves to rest on your shores
I will catch fire for you and burn new light
to set aglow the path to your affections

giving up or giving in, will never even begin to begin
and never will I ever beg to be let in
I will earn you

I will ride the comets into your black skies
to get a deeper look into your blue eyes
I will never surrender or be subdued
I will reach you
I will brave the fears and swallow the salt in your tears
to teach you
that we were meant to be one
no setbacks will keep me, no dark streets will defeat me
I will arrive, I will arrive

You are my river uncrossed, you are my home still lost
you are cherished deeply at any cost
you are my quiet moment soon to be filled with music
you are the evidence of love that proves it

I will run the race it takes to chase an angel
I will
I will it to be true
and no mile will keep me from you
Brandon Barnett Dec 2012
I have to stop the thoughts of you
running around my head
I've no escape from their tantrums
they're reminders of hurtful things I've said
they're a look back into the places
where we lived and loved but fought
they're whispers of broken christmases
and looks at presents I never bought
they're kisses I never got from you
because I never made it home
overdosed on the night's escape
a rotted king, a hospital throne
they're the things that forever haunt me
following my footsteps back to the bar
they're the pain I've cause in everyone
in causing things to be the ways they are


hate me away
take back all I've borrowed
hate me because I betray
please hate away your sorrow
hate me for what I've taken and can't repay
despise my every sad tomorrow

hate me in ways that let you free from me
it's the only way I can ever give you peace  


I have to stop the days I sadden you
I have to **** the way I make it true
that no matter what I promise
my actions won't prove a love for you
I've been without so much for so long
that I should appreciate all you have to give
I should've cherished your soft presence
in every day since, that I have lived
but I never put you above myself
I never helped or held you up so high
now the only way I affect you
is with a commitment that makes you cry
you always fully forgave me
for all the crimes that I'd commit
now it's you I have to protect
In asking your heart only for this split

hate me away
take back all I've stolen
hate me for the foul days
that could have shined and been golden
hate me for my every terrible display
despise me deeply, hate my emotions

hate me in ways that let you free from me
it's the only way
I
can ever give you peace
Brandon Barnett Nov 2012
he don't talk much now that his spirit been broke
a man of few words that lost the joy a smile evokes
he don't speak of the good times anymore
feeling all the money in his pockets has left him poor
he don't raise his head much when he writes
ignoring the lovers and families around him tonight
he just pushes that pen looking for solutions and answers
scared of every lonely day coming like a slow cancer
he hates the eyes staring back in the mirror's glare
he hates the ways he sees that they use to care
and prayer don't work 'cause no one ever whispers back
he's a slow, trudging train on the endless track
of regret pushing and shoving for redemptions
feeling love all around him and his own lowly exemption
and he'll chat with you if you ask
but the words and stories you'll hear are just a mask
secretly he holds hands with a little boy
who's not coming back to be his favorite dandy toy
he's still holding his hand and only looking back
surviving each of his heart's attacks
with the bottle, with a guise, using memories to patch the cracks
and peace is all he asks

how I pray for him to find a healing, completely
dear God, how I wish he wasn't me
Brandon Barnett Nov 2012
there’s a vacuum, a hole in my heart, a skip in it’s beat
the size of your shimmering glow
it's the width of your smile, the height of your laughter
it’s where my love gleans all that it wants to know

it’s an autumn untouched in a memory held fondly
watching the white shine of fresh fallen snow
it pulls like a tide and it howls like a gale
and it tugs at me to surrender to all it bestows

it prays with belief and sustains on it's faith
and it stands tallest on two bended knees
it's all ribbons and wrapper the thing I most wanted
and it fills my needs completely

you and I are the seed, the sprout, the tree, the fruit
the protection of deep binding roots
you and I
the journey along no destination’s route  
my wanting unwaning, your flirtatious glances
the wonderful unknowing pursuit
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