what was it god intended
when he took the inspiration
of angels
ran his fingers over the clay
and sculpted the delicate shape
of a woman

surely it was the devil
he meant to make
with the temptations
he carved into curves
and skin and bright emerald eyes

what heaven besides his own
did he search for
in the creation of long soft hair
and gorgeous lips

what love he must have known
lie in the embrace,
the closeness in the touch
only in the arms
of the delicate shape
of a woman

grew up with a lonely heart
presents under the tree
but no love in the house
makes you wonder who you are
close your eyes to sleep
with mothers tears on your cheeks
bright tomorrows never seem to come
the better days stay hidden away

someday i’ll find something
i can’t live without
but i ain’t seen nothing up to now

wake up on the winter days
the fire glowed
but the house was cold
birthday candles count the years we lost
out the door i ran so far
away from what waited at home
black eyes don’t break your heart
but they hurt your pride

someday i’ll have something
i can’t live without
but i haven’t had nothing up to now

fourteen lost the year i left
i stood tall and said we could always be
but dreams are made of glass
sometimes the softest shove
gonna make them crack
these hands seem so strong
but when you put hate in your heart
i couldn’t hold on

someday there’ll be someone
i can’t live without
but i don’t have them right now

i watch the fire burn
falling asleep feeling all grown up
the one’s that love me now
they can’t see
me breathing in the memories
of faded walls in an empty house
two black eyes
the taste of mothers tears
makes you wonder who you are

She was a young Missouri girl
From a small Missouri town
Tired of feeling out
Tired of being down
Gonna see some stars
And live some life
Find a place to play
Without fields or firefly lights
No more church no more school
Not gonna hear daddy’s ridicule
Pack a bag
catch a bus
blow a seventeen hundred mile
kiss good bye to us
tear the ribbons out of your hair
forget you ever heard them warn you
and head for life
in California

big country eyes
see big city lights
stepping off a bus
into a big city night
where it’s anything you want
everything you need
everything has a price
just agree to feed the greed
the neon sky glows bright
and the stars grow dim
as they reach out their hand
to invite you in
close your eyes
and open your mouth
party and pay the bill
blowing kisses to the south
forget the words you heard
when they warned you
and swallow the taste of the price
of life in California

downtown parties
and uptown pubs
store bought bodies
and movie star clubs
red carpet dreams
and camera flashes
disco scene queens
shaking their *****
everybody’s famous
everyone’s a model
everyone washes down the taste
with the bottom of a bottle
dance all night
and drink all day
******* bullets
with bent knee ricochets
the ferris wheel
in this towns carnival
up and down the ride
life in California

they say stay strong
and i tried
but hearts stray and betray pride

a thousand nights
held you as you slept
counted your breaths
and the beats in your chest
my lullabies because i loved you

but your hands never meant
to ever be held
you pushed me away
affections forgotten
for the freedom in a strangers touch
confidence consumed you
as the door closed tight behind you

i stayed and waited
for you to hunger for the love
missing between us
hourglass somersaults the days passed

no love you’ve come to look for but
your every secret mine
hunger brings your knocks
my door locked i must decide
to turn the key let you come inside and see
if i can resist the skin and the kiss
of my precious pandora

yes
i see your white dress
your baby doll lips
and bedroom eyes
my favorite fascination
so i seccumb
to the jasmine scent
of lovers skin

my breath warm across your neck
my mouth made
to trace your shape
familiar friends fondest games
and so we play

no love left to be made
i take the delicate shape
the perfect petals of my baby girl
and i *******
my long walk out of eden

and so my knees find the floor
and your hands hold on tight
and your sounds fill the room
and i ignore the tears

they say stay strong and i tried

never try to buy just a little piece
of the party supplies
it leaves your eyes
bleeding from seeing
the sun three times in a night
the sour pain of
hourglass grains in your throat

there's no such thing
as a little bit

**** it this ****
is the party ticket
girlies flip *** just to ask to hit it
light glow bright
and the music's just right
to get this hit started
till you're just getting started
burning a nine hour night
when everyones spun
and the next ones coming
but you're not cause you can't
******* it numb till you finally feel
you need another one
then it's face over the plate
tempting fate with every
extra RPM your heart makes

there's no such thing
as a little hit

the rules are all listed
but who chooses to listen to any
when we're ******* rock stars
and this is just the beginning
we're going to conquer and win
sin and take over and hit it again
live life and tempt fate with a grin
over a plate until
someone goes to far with this ****
cause there's no such thing as just a little bit

I've been sedated and sold
bought by gypsy ways
my inhibitions have been stolen
by mundane sober days

I've been troubled and wandering
trying to find a place to lay
but the sleeping don't bring rest
so I found a place to play

shisha smoke fills my mouth
MDMA rolls hard
in the back of my eyes

and there's no feeling lonely
no hours to own me
no imperfections to hold me
in knowing no place as home

in my eyes
child fires
bright with delight
and hunger for more

my memory written down quickly
in thin white asp bite lines
crimes of the right mind
the creative souls borderlines

sweat rolls over my body
my arms find the sky
I can't see the ugliness
spying through childs eyes

with my hands
razor blade shakes
my poetry's written
one line at a time

and there's no feeling helpless
no reminders of distress
wandering free and careless
in knowing no place as home

in my eyes
child fires
bright with delight
and hunger for more

I hear music even in the hush
MDMA lusch, I crave life
with a violent crush
with two wide lines
and the life of one white pill
my life is filled
with more beauty than I can stand
until I can't even stand

the minister spoke of renewal
all I heard was death
little comfort were his words
when never I'll see my friend again

he spoke of moving past
but what tragedy had he today
what loss was he to mourn
never one moment he spent
in my chair amidst the helpless
each of us dressed for royalty
and not a smile between us

I sat among the newly burdened
breaking faces transcended broken hearts
shudders betrayed dignity
not a single stranger
longed for an unprovided shoulder

and the choir voices sang
as no other could
every cousin and friend
hummed along in weary tears
wept their pleas for comfort

never so many eyes I seen
find so much to see on the ground
and never so much love I felt
push so many apart

he left us something beautiful
when he lost his life to fog and headlights
he died
and showed us all we are less than invincible

all the times he put me down
I remember him gone as a gentle soul
never a time did I forgive and grieve
like there I did this day

and still the minister spoke
of transformation
catipillars finding angel wings
but not one butterfly did I see
above all the aching hearts

speak on he did
of better places we may dwell
but of no better place could I think
for a child than a mothers arms

the choir sang of gods salvation
but the voices I heard pray
sang of no such truth

rarely my eyes found more than my feet
as the solemn words passed
but I saw all that was to be seen
as I heard family speak of ashen hopes

praised be god for water and rainbows
praised be god for Daniels life
I thank god for these tears
praised be god for Daniels life

the whole day I sought for reasons why
but theres no questions to be asked
more it hurts to wish for answers
than to try and let it pass

not of faith I felt no place
to pray among the rest
no peace for the soul of the son
was asked by me this day
only an apology I hope was heard
I'm sorry
**** I'm sorry this happened to you

praised be god for water and rainbows
praised be god for Daniels life

faces I so longed to see
turned and broke and poured on me
childhood friends
left their smiles in my memory
and understanding was all we exchanged

how have you been
how could I be I just lost my best friend
never have I hurt like I did this day
when I watched that scared boy
turn and walk away

Daniel left us something beautiful
he gave us all this day
to unite in being thankful
for this earth in which he lay

I thank god for water and rainbows
I thank god for Daniels life