A love that never blossomed.
My heart soaking up the agony of it all like a sponge in a soapy bucket of water.
Painting with the shades of blue of my heart as my loving dreams I had of her cloud my mind.
I let the rain pour.
But I don't let the bitterness consume the sweetness that resides in my broken-heart.

I am a mess of emotions, I am brokenhearted.
I am broken in ways, I am still figuring out.
I don't know what to do other than to make art out of my pain.
Painting with the shades of blue of my broken-heart to ink on paper.

Love is Peculiar,
she is on my mind all the time.
Love is Peculiar,
she is in my dreams.
Love is Peculiar,
I am enraptured in her dark blue eyes.
Love is Peculiar,
My heart sings her name.
Love is Peculiar,
I crave her presence.
Love is Peculiar,
Every time I see her at work, she makes my day better.

Love is bewildering, she puts this ***** happy smile on my face just by existing.
Love is bewildering, she gets me in ways I am still learning.
Love is bewildering, she puts me in a love daze.
Love is bewildering, yet I am not confused, I am perplexed.
Love is bewildering, I am perplexed because she makes me feel indescribable things just by talking to me and considering me her equal.
Love is bewildering, she is definitely into me and hell yeah I will do anything to be with her.
Love is bewildering, we haven't even kissed yet but I know what we have is special to me.
Love is bewildering, I haven't even held her in my arms yet but somehow that doesn't matter because I will wait however long it takes just to hear her call me hers.
Love is bewildering, I haven't even felt her bare skin beneath my hands yet I will wait until we get there so I hope I don't mess this up.

I grew up in the church and I enjoyed most of it.
I am just sick and tired of hiding in the closet around people who have known me, my whole life.
I know they won't support me in any way because of church politics and right now I am not ready to be kicked out of my church yet.
But when I am ready to for everyone to know who I am then I will face the music.

The Life I Built from the Closet is comfortable, I know what people expect from me.
The Life I Built from the Closet is black and white thinking.
The Life I Built from the Closet is pink and blue gendering parties.
The Life I Built from the Closet is church etiquette and weddings.
The Life I Built from the Closet is volunteering and church events.
The Life I Built from the Closet is getting used to the heteronormative narrative of romance.
The Life I Built from the Closet is high stakes walking into church and not actually being who I am. Because as a wise friend once told me you are who you are. I am a bisexual woman through and through.

Church is a Sweet Nothing, I give of myself each Sunday and get nothing in return.
Church events are a Sweet Nothing. I gather with all these people but I feel empty. I hope that God is real.
They dress up and go to church. When I go to church I am surrounded by straight couples. I am reminded that I am different and to them that's a bad thing.